As I said goodbye to my kids this morning, my daughters into grade 2 & 3, and my eldest heading into grade 11, I was reminded how quickly time seems to fly by, the older they get. Back to school time is always a little bittersweet for most parents, a mix of emotions as our children head off into a new school year, some sadness that the summer with them is over, yet relief to be getting back into a more predictable routine.
Being a full-time, stay-at- home Mom during my daughter's younger years, there were some days I was just plain exhausted, and thought the day would never end, and even at times, I wished away the time, thinking how nice it would be to have my freedom once they were in school. While I did my best to enjoy my time with them, and do not regret choosing them over a career, it was often not an easy job at all.
"The days are long, and the years are short"
(a wise friend once said...)
The realization hit me one day, that once they started school, they'd be amongst teachers and their peers, more than they'd be with me, and I remember feeling upset by this awareness. The belief that nobody could take care of them the way that I do made me panic a little, and I still have moments these fears creep back in. I was a very fearful, anxious parent when my kids were really young. I tried to control everything from how much they washed their hands, to how much sugar they ate, and never let them do anything that could possibly be dangerous. While I am still mindful of all of these things, I have loosened up and let go in many areas. I have come a long way! Another realization I have had:
We only have a short window of time to have full influence over what our children do, what kids they play with, what they eat, or how they treated. Once they venture off into the school years, all we can do is hope that all that we instilled in them, will carry them through when they are not with us.
As our children grow, we go from worrying about when to feed them solid food, to kids being mean or hurting their feelings, or making fun of their backpack, to worrying about them hanging with the wrong crowd, getting into trouble with drugs, alcohol, smoking, or having their hearts broken. Then comes letting them loose behind the wheel of a car (I am not ready to think about that part yet!)
So, what have I learned about letting go with love, with my 15 years of parenting experience?
For starters, we must learn to parent from LOVE rather than FEAR. I have realized that a lot of things I have done or not done as a parent, have been influenced by my fears. Fear of them getting hurt or injured, getting sick, or being emotionally damaged in some way. I look back on all the raw spots of my childhood and formative years, and want to protect my children from having to learn some painful life lessons the hard way, as we all have.
I now know that I can only do what LOVE would have me do, and that is to love them fiercely and unconditionally.
We must also strive to protect them, teach them (through our words, as well as our actions), be their safe place when the world lets them down or becomes too much, and guide them as far as we can, within our power, TRUST and let the rest go.
This is the hardest job about being a parent. We are raising little human beings, to prepare them for the big world. We can not control what happens to them when they are not with us, or shelter them from experiencing pain and suffering. This is their journey to live out, we can influence the journey to some extent, but as any parent of a teen knows it is virtually impossible to control what they do when they are not with us. As it has been said...
Trying to control a teenager is like
trying to nail Jello to a wall.
(This about sums it up!)
My son often says I worry too much, and I respond, "just wait until you have your own kids, and you will understand", and he replies "I know I will never worry like you Mom." And I smile, remembering how many times I had this same conversation with my Dad growing up, and sometimes, I find myself sounding exactly like him (when I too, swore I would never worry like him when I had kids.)
As you head into the new school year (or even if your kids are not yet in school), I hope that some of this has helped someone out there, learn to let go (even a little) with love.
Until next time, live well, and make everyday awesome!
~Leanne R.P.Cc
Wellness Leader
P: 250-319-3630
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