Managing Stress: Balancing Our Inner and Outer Life

Are you feeling tense, wired, stressed out, irritable, anxious or depressed much of the time? Do you feel revved up almost constantly like you can't stop? Or are you exhausted much of the time? Is your health suffering and deteriorating? Do you wish you could fly away to some deserted island and just be by yourself with nobody to bother you? Do you often find yourself fantasizing about running away from your life? This was me for the longest time, until I got serious about prioritizing my needs and making time for the things that really mattered to me.

Creating balance is not about having the perfect environment that is free of problems, challenges, and responsibilities. It is about continually reassessing where we are, and reevaluating our priorities and adjusting accordingly. The truth is we only have so much energy to expend in a given day, and if all of our energies are directed in one are for too long, things can start to unravel in our lives.

I have seen this happen with many people I have worked with, and people I have known. The Mom that focuses only on her role as a Mom, and never takes time for herself or gets out to see other people becomes severely depressed, and unhappy with her life. She resents her partner for not allowing her the opportunity to get out and have her own time, and the marriage starts to suffer. What she will learn if she looks to her priorities and what she wants in her life, is that she does have the power to make some changes in her life to bring more balance to her inner and outer life

The workaholic, that prioritizes work over meaningful connection, family, and tending to their own stress management and taking time for enjoyable activities becomes ill with symptoms that are debilitating, forcing them to stop and look at their life. Another common scenario is marital breakdown, if one partner is constantly focused on work, and ignores the other partner and the family, leading to marital discord, and possible breakdown.

The reality is that there will be times we have something that is needing a great deal of our attention, for example, a deadline at work, or caring for a sick child, and that is all we are able to focus on for a short period of time. This is life, and in knowing that this is short term, we can accept it, yet still do some things to maintain our equilibrium during those times so we are better able to manage and cope.

The problem with these imbalances that create havoc in our lives, and our health, are when they become the norm. When we are hyper-focused in one area too long, while ignoring other aspects of our life,  problems can begin to develop in our health, well-being, mental/emotional health, relationships, career, and more.

 When we are out of balance, it creates a ripple effect through our entire lives. It is also essential to make time for self reflection, and stay awake to how we are allowing certain aspects of our life to take over in a negative way. For ourselves, and those around us.

While we can not control much of that happens in our outer world, we can choose how we are going to respond to that which we have no control over, and choose to turn inward to balance our energies.

How can we maintain an inner balance, so we are better able to manage our every day lives from a more calm, solid and strong place?

For me, it helps to continually revisit my top priorities in my life, and make choices to bring myself into alignment with my priorities and the person I want to be.

Self-care and caring for my physical body
Meditation and alone time to keep me balanced and manage stress
My kids and spending unplugged time with them
My marriage and giving energy to nurturing and growing the relationship
Friendships that nourish me with people who see the best in me, and allow me to be who I am
Writing
Teaching
Personal development and learning
Exercise/walking in nature

These are some areas that are important to me to keep in check. Sometimes when the kids have been sick and I am at home with them, I can't do all of the things I want to do, but I can do some of them to keep myself feeling balanced within.

Some people are confused, and feel overwhelmed when I introduce the idea of creating balance in their lives. They think this means that they have renovate their entire lives, or that they have to perfectly juggle all aspects of their life in harmony, and that everything is supposed to be perfect all of the time. The truth is there is no such thing as perfect! But we do have some power and choice in how we are going to intentionally choose where we are going to expend our time and energies.

We always have a choice as to whom we are going to spend our limited time with, and what activities we want to say yes to. We have to learn the art of saying no with love at a request or invitation, if what we really need is a quiet night in with tea and a book, or connection time with our partner. It is always a learning and discerning dance, but I can tell you, life goes a lot smoother when we have a strong inner-balance happening, and the only way to maintain that balance, is to constantly assess and reassess what needs our attention the most. It will change depending on what is happening at certain times, life is change, so we better roll and flow with it, rather than resist it. To resist reality is one of the greatest causes of suffering, so better to work with what we have within our power to influence.

What are your top priorities, and how are you living in alignment with what matters to you the most? Time to get out that pad and pen and start writing. Awareness is the first step, the second step is action. We have to do something with this new awareness to create change. What are you willing to do to bring more inner and outer balance into your life?

Please join me for my upcoming talk all about stress and your health. Getting Beyond Burnout

Join me for my next full day workshop to go more in depth about how to create more balance within.
Visit my website for more information
Leanne Oaten- Registered Holistic Counsellor, R.P.Cc
250-319-3630
info@leanneoaten.com

Healing Stress Sickness & Adrenal Burn Out

If you are chronically feeling run down and exhausted, depleted, sick and so very tired, and nothing you do seems to help or bring relief to your exhaustion, not a full nights rest, massive amounts of green juice and daily vitamins will even budge how exhausted you feel, you could be burned out- or heading toward Adrenal Fatigue very fast. Your poor little adrenal glands, that sit atop your kidneys could be completely depleted, and need some serious TLC and attention. I get it, I have been there. Not fun. Don't want to go there ever again!

Stress is killing us. We must do whatever it takes to manage our inner stress and outer stress, if we want to live a long and healthy life.

I am passionate about living well, and helping people heal and live a better life. The path to getting to where I am today, doing this work as Holistic Health Counsellor, is not by accident, but has come through my own long and very difficult personal journey of learning how to heal from the sicknesses I had created in my body, and my burning desire now to help others with what I have learned along the way.  I see that what had manifested in my physical body, was a byproduct of the state of my emotional and mental health over many years.

This is how the emotional body-mind works, one affects the other. This is why I am so passionate about educating and informing people about why a 'whole being' approach to healing is so essential. If we have unhealed emotional wounds, and have not processed and dealt with past events and grief in a healthy way, these toxic emotions and feelings get stored in the body-eventually making us sick.

It is estimated that 90% of all doctor visits are due to symptoms that 

have been created by out-of-control stress.

Stress can also look like the day-to-day interactions we find ourselves in when we do not speak up for ourselves, when we allow hurtful or disrespectful treatment from others, and deny our inner truth to ourselves, and others. It is saying yes when we want to say no, and being in situations that keep our 'fight or flight' response stuck in overdrive. Years of chronic ongoing anxiety, relationship conflict with family, and marital discord will eventually start showing up in the body in some way.

The energetic and metaphysical reason for creating Adrenal Burnout is the feeling of giving up, losing the will to stand up for ourselves and the feeling of "what's the use?" In my research and working with clients, I have discovered that it is not uncommon for sufferers of this condition to have a history of abuse,  where they felt they had their power taken away.

Another connection I have made is that Highly Sensitive People, also known as an Empath, are also more prone to burnout. This is because their sensitive nervous system is easily depleted, and they tend to take on the negative feelings and emotions of others around them.

The 'physical body screaming' that eventually happens due to repressed anger, emotional pain and trauma is going to be very different for everybody. For me one of the biggest ways my body got my attention was through complete adrenal burn out. I literally, energetically, spiritually and emotionally gave up on life,  and felt that the life force was literally drained from my being.

I lost the will to do the simplest things, and could barely get through the day, let alone effective parent my 3 children.Things that came easily to those around me, felt like a huge undertaking. I was depressed, anxious, wired, and tired all at the same time.

One of the big emotional energy drains that burns out the adrenal glands, and creates illness in the body is chronically heightened levels of anxiety. Anxiety and stress are necessary to help guide us, and even protect us during times of danger. Stress can be our friend, and greatest motivator, in a situation where we have to get something done or when we are in the midst of a big project or life change. The problem though, is when stress and anxiety becomes the norm. When feeling revved up and on edge is how we wake up in the morning, and how we go to bed each night.

After a while, the body becomes depleted, and our adrenal glands can't keep up with the demand for coritsol, our stress hormone, and things start to cascade downward into a host of symptoms that you may go to the doctor for - only to be put on medications. You may be put on anti-anxiety, or anti-depressant medication, sleeping pills, medication for migraines, high blood pressure, thyroid and IBS medication  or laxatives for your digestive issues, when all the while, it is your out of control stress that is making you sick. You will find that no pill will solve the problems, but only silences the symptoms. If the root cause is not addressed - your stress- you will be forever going back to the doctor for more pills, surgeries and quick fixes.

Much of my personal transformation has been centered around calming my chronic anxiety, worry and panic, and the focus of my work with my clients, is to teach them how to process, and calm their anxiety response- known as the fight or flight response- and turn on the relaxation response. Finding ways to create inner-calm are essential, and takes intentional practice. Calm and peace will not find us, we have to find it through creating space for deliberate practices that calm our nervous system several times, every single day.


 Adrenal imbalance is an energetic illness related to one feeling powerless over their life, defeated, no longer caring for the self, and intense anxiety. It can also be manifested from anger at oneself, and severe emotional malnutrition. 

Anyone who has experienced adrenal burnout, can tell you that it is a fatigue like no other. It is debilitating, and affects all areas of the persons life in so many ways. The effects of this imbalance cascade through the entire body, and negatively effects how our body functions. It is life altering, and makes completing the simplest daily tasks feel like a marathon.

Back in 2010, I was at an extreme low point in my health, and was completely burned out mentally, physically and emotionally. I had 3 and 5 year old girls and an 11 year old son that needed me, and I could barely manage to get out of bed in the morning. Getting through the day was often a challenge, all I wanted to do was sleep. I felt deeply depressed most of the time, and was starting to wonder if something was really seriously wrong with me. I had my doctor test me for everything under the sun, but other than low iron levels, everything was always 'normal'.

 After trying many things through alternative medicine to naturally heal my body with limited result, I turned to saliva hormone testing to determine what was going on. I also had my food sensitivity testing done which helped me determine foods I was highly sensitive to.


2 tests I highly recommend in the beginning stages: 


1)  Food sensitivity Testing. Food sensitivities create a constant cascade of stress and inflammation within the body which increases the stress response and the risk of other serious diseases such as cancer, and can lead to a long list of strange and unexplained symptoms. It is worth the investment to determine if you have any sensitives if you are experiencing ongoing unexplained health issues. This test which rates the level of sensitivity to over 90 different foods, can only be done though a Naturopath as the ones done through a GP are not going to be as accurate, nor can they do such a comprehensive test. The cost is around $300 and is well worth the investment.

2) Hormone Saliva Testing: Based on current available methods for hormone testing, saliva testing is the most accurate way to test for hormone/adrenal imbalances, and is also done through a Naturopath. For more information, a self assessment, and tips on healing adrenal burnout read  this blog post.
Again, the having this done with your GP is not going to detect accurate hormone levels in the blood.

My testing determined I had extremely low levels of cortisol. What I have learned is that my adrenal glands were completely shut down from too much stress and anxiety living in fight or flight mode, and not living a balanced life.

 I had zero will or energy to make anything happen in my life, clean the house, see people, grocery shop, or get out and exercise. I was completely bottomed out, and desperate to feel better.

 I share this with you, so you have an idea of where I began, and can see that I am living proof that the body CAN heal itself, if we provide the right environment for healing to take place. There are no quick fixes!

I have come a long way, and have restored my adrenal function through a dedicated practice of living a holistic lifestyle and healing all aspects of my being.

Having been through this experience I have learned a lot about healing stress sickness, and the one thing I can tell you with great certainty, is that to heal this condition takes time, and a "whole being" approach. There are no quick fixes, healing takes effort and a change in lifestyle habits.
  To take herbs and clean up the diet is not enough. We also have to address our emotional healing, deal with chronic anxiety,  heal the past,change our thought forms and patterns, master our stress, deal with relationship issues that are creating a stressful environment, letting go of our perfectionist tendencies and prioritizing where we place our energies.

These are not little issues, and will likely require you to make some really big changes if you truly want to heal.

I am now so intuitively, in-tune with my body, that I can feel the subtle shift that occurs when I am not tending to my relaxation and self-care practices. Going through this has taught me to really scale back on unnecessary commitments, to say no,  and to really relish my alone time. I speak up for myself, and do not allow others poor behavior to be swept under the rug. I protect my energy and stand up for myself with a fierce self-love that I didn't have before.

What is draining YOU?

It is essential no matter what the illness within the body or mind, to assess who we spend our time with, address (or let go of) toxic relationships, and even changing careers may be in order. Also very essential is changing our negative thought and belief patterns, and strengthening our "stress awareness" which is a large part of managing stress in the first place.
Other important aspects are learning to calm our nervous system through proper self-care, and relaxation, engaging in gentler recovery types of exercise such as hiking in nature, yoga, or brisk walking, and having tools and practices we can turn to so that we can de-stress from what life may throw at us. Part of this process is also looking at our overall life, and assessing how we are spending our days, and if we allow any time for rest, relaxation, fun, and just being in stillness. Addressing any addiction to busyness is also essential, many people who burn out tend to have "do a thousand things at one time" mindset. These types of personalities need to learn how to move through that restless nature, avoid the push mentality, and learn to reduce their constant activity of going from one thing to the next.

 Warning signs you may be experiencing 

or heading toward burnout:

~Depression
~Irritability
~Anxiety/ panic attacks
~Feeling overwhelmed often
~ General fatigue with a crash after 3 pm
~Inability to unwind at night/feeling revved up at bedtime/unable to sleep
~ Morning fatigue after a full nights sleep
~ Low tolerance/energy for exercise
~ Carrying excess weight around the middle that is impossible to lose- even with healthy diet and exercise efforts
~ Difficulty exercising due to low energy and poor endurance
~Intense sugar/salt cravings
~ Increased PMS and problems with menstruation and irregular cycles
~ Increased severity or sudden allergy symptoms
~ Recurring infections, especially respiratory illness
~ Digestive disturbances

Making the decision to heal from within can feel like progress is slow and relief will never come. It takes regular tuning in and reconnecting with yourself and listening to your body. Resting when you need to rest. Relaxing instead of doing one more thing, choosing ourselves over others more often, learning to say no, and taking impeccable care of ourselves. There will be good days, and not so good feeling days, and that is all part of the process in healing, and in life. If you are struggling with some of the symptoms of adrenal fatigue or 'stress sickness', I encourage you to take a proactive approach to getting well. No pill or prescription can heal the root cause of illness, but can only mask the symptoms. True healing happens within, and will lead you on the road to whole being wellness, happiness and vitality. Take it day to day, and do the best that you can. You will  get there, don't give up!

 If you would like to work with me in healing from stress related illness, or learning to manage stress before it becomes illness, feel free to reach out to me.

 For the ladies! I have created this guide just for you! Download your free copy right here: The Vibrant Health and Well-being Blueprint for Women

Please join me on my Facebook page to stay up to date with upcoming events and workshops  here
View my website for more info about working with me. 

Healing is possible, and good health is definitely the greatest wealth!


Leanne Oaten R.P.C,c
Holistic Counsellor/Wellness Coach
250-319-3630
info@leanneoaten.com
leanneoaten.com

The Truth That Rocks~ The Greatest Life Lesson We Can Ever Learn About Happiness

I believe many of us struggle in finding authentic and real, lasting happiness. It is something that is just out of reach for many, and is something we all want more of. We just want to feel good, and be happy! Well-being is a balance of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health, and tending to these aspects on a daily basis is essential in the quest for greater joy, health and happiness.

Life can be difficult, and the best defense we have is to learn the coping skills to get through these ups and downs that are a part of life, and learn to thrive though them.

 I have looked for my happiness in many ways through eating, drinking, striving for the 'perfect body' and perfect diet, the perfect career, more knowledge and education, shopping and buying more 'stuff', and the list goes on. I have also done things I am not proud of, in my search to find relief from my chronic depressed and unhappy state, but what I have learned is that all of what I was doing to cope, was simply a distraction from the real inner issues that needed healing and resolution.

What it has taken me so long to really see, is that no thing and no person can ever make me happy if I am unhappy inside of myself.  If I am not happy with me, how is something or someone else going to give that to me?

Having nice things, a nice car to get me where I need to go, money to afford the comforts and pleasures of life, good friends, a healthy, happy marriage, healthy kids- these are all things I definitely want in my life, and I am truly grateful for, however how I now see happiness, the kind that comes from the depths of my soul, is very different today. If I lost all the material things, and the money is spent, I can still choose to be happy about so many other things. My health, my children, coffee, the sunshine, walking in nature, a simple healthy meal, my bed, books, hot baths, soul~friends...how many things can you list that bring you happiness that money can not buy?

The reality that rocks is that WE ARE IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN HAPPINESS!
And nothing outside of us can bring us true happiness, but only enhance and add to the happiness that we already carry inside of ourselves!
If happiness is something we are intending to create,  knowing that we are the creator of our lives- we get to choose how we are going to live it each and every day.

How empowering does that feel?!

If we give our power to something or someone outside of ourselves to soothe our sadness, and take away our pain, we will never grow, and will never feel in control of our own well-being.

If you are experiencing a challenging situation, no matter what it may be, know that there is always something you can do to lean into happiness.  Here are some tips to get you going:

Gratitude: One of the most powerful happiness boosting practices we can bring into our lives, is a daily gratitude practice. No matter where I have found myself in my life, if I choose to turn toward the positive aspects of my life and write them down, it shifts my entire mindset most of the time in an instant. Some days it is simply just to be alive to see another day on this earth and hug my kids- it is a privilege that has been denied to many. The key here is to create a practice, and strengthen our gratitude muscles.

Honoring of Self: Practice getting in touch with yourself regularly throughout the day, asking: What do I need today? What will nurture my mind, body, soul most right now? What am I feeling today? What can I do to take impeccable care of myself, so that I can be so full of love, well-being and authentic happiness, and spread that light into the world?

Dig deep: Know who holds the power to your happiness: If you think that you are unhappy because of A, B, C, I encourage you to ponder the idea that we are never upset for the reason we think. We can choose to give our power away to this person or that situation, and believe that [insert here] is the reason we are unhappy, but how are we allowing this to affect our happiness?

Happiness is an inside job, and we have more power over how we feel than we may think, however sometimes, creating happiness means walking away from people, or situations that are not serving our highest good. We can do our best to learn the lessons presented by the situation, and walk away with love. In those cases where shifting our inner perceptions and trying all of the above to start taking responsibility for creating happiness within, the truth is that sometimes, those we are surrounded by can drag us down, and no matter how much inner growth we strive for, sometimes the most self-loving thing we can do is to let go and remove ourselves from toxic people and situations. But even in this case, we are still taking responsibility and owning our life experience and reality by removing ourselves from that which is weighing us down.

Be courageous in your life, never give up! You can create happiness, and it all begins within YOU.

Leanne Oaten
Holistic Counsellor
www.soulworkcounselling.com
Find me on Facebook!
250-319-3630