Tips for a healthy & happy motherhood

As I was laying in bed at 5:30 this morning, as it often happens, I am inspired by a new idea, or writing topic. This morning it was about how I tend to over- focus on the happiness and well being of my children, and I forget how to make myself happy. We see so many books and articles about how to raise happy and healthy kids, but what about the importance of being happy and healthy mothers? How much of our childs happiness and well being is related to how happy and balanced we are as moms? After all, our children learn what they see, and we set the example that they will eventually follow. So why not start early to set the example of how to care for our own health, and take responsibility for our own happiness?

Being a mom of 3, with 2 younger ones as well as a teenager, I know full well how difficult it can be to find my Zen, my grounded place where I can find my center of calm and happiness. No matter how chaotic it  may feel, I have learned over the years how I can maintain my balance so that I can be more effective in all areas of my life. Here is some of the big lessons I have learned in the past 16 years about having a healthy, happy motherhood. I hope that some of these ideas inspire you!

1) Put yourself first. I know this may sounds counter intuitive, after all we are responsible for these little souls we are nurturing, feeding and caring for, however our children can only be as happy and balanced as we are. If we are last on the list of priorities, how well can we do our jobs effectively if we are stressed beyond our limits, and unhealthy because we fail to care for ourselves?

2) Pursue your own interests and passions. Whatever they are, just make the time for YOU! Even if it's for a short period of time, make time every day to do something you love.


3) Have a healthy social life. Keep in touch with friends, no matter how busy things are. Do make sure this time is with people who lift you up, and support you, not those who are negative and tend to make you feel worse after time spent with them.

4) Care for your body, mind, and soul. Read, move your body, eat wholesome food, make time for quiet and solitude, make a commitment to sit in silence every day for at least 10 minutes, just focusing on your breath, and how you are feeling, write in a journal, take hot Epsom salt and lavender baths in the evening, watch a hilarious movie, whatever it is that fills you up. Make a list of some of the things that bring you the most pleasure, and do 2 things every single day from the list. No excuses!

5) Don't take every single problem of difficulty your child is going through personally. Not every behavior, learning challenge, choice or health issue is because of something you did, or failed to do as a parent. Never tell yourself you are a failure, but look for the lesson, and learn and do better when you have more information, knowledge and experience. We are all just winging it as we go along.

6) Your best is always good enough. Your best will change from day to day, depending on what is going on. Illness, family crisis, personal issues, financial and marital challenges, or whatever you may find yourself working through that is making it difficult to function optimally, are all going to affect how you parent. Don't strive for perfect parenting, cut yourself a break, and strive for 'good enough' parenting. Again, make your self-care and balance a priority, this is not the time to let YOU time slide, it is time to crank it up a few more notches!

7) Get support. If you are struggling to find balance and feel anxious, overwhelmed or depressed often, seek the help of a counsellor or other alternative healer to work through your emotions, as soon as you notice you are not coping effectively with your responsibilities. Keeping it all bottled up inside is toxic to us, as well as our children if we are chronically unhappy. It is important that we are committed to our own learning,  healing, and personal growth to be healthy and happy parents.

8) Forgive yourself. We all screw up from time to time, say things we wish later that we hadn't, yell a little louder than we meant to, lose our patience one more time, or make a decision we may later regret. We can't do anything about these times once they have happened, other than apologize when appropriate for being imperfectly human, and resolve to handle things better next time. No sense beating yourself up. Forgive yourself, and move on.

9) Enjoy the ride. Before you know it they will be 16 and counting down the days until they can move out. When our children are really little the days can feel really long, but the years feel much shorter as time passes. Motherhood is the most beautiful gift, through all of the ups and downs, in sickness and in health, it is truly a gift we have been given that we must never take for granted. We can resolve to make the most of our time together with our children, and look for all of the blessings we have been given, to have these little people in our lives. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

10) Embrace the messiness.  Accept that parenthood can be messy at times. Whenever I am experiencing a challenge with one of my children, I remind myself of how grateful I am that they are here and alive on this planet with me to make a mess of the house, sass me, scream at me, not listen to me, or just make things really inconvenient at times. One day, the Barbies and dress up clothes will all be put away for good, and the house will be quiet, and I will miss these days. So, I choose to embrace all of it, with my full attention, because I know this too shall pass.

Leanne Oaten

Holistic Counsellor, Wellness Coach
www.soulworkcounselling.com
250-319-3630

Stop feeding your feelings~ The #1 reason you eat when you're not hungry

Do you reach for food after an argument with your spouse? When feeling over worked and overwhelmed? When you are juggling too many responsibilities and feel like a failure? When feeling inadequate? When you are angry? Perhaps there are too many words left unspoken, and you swallow what you truly want to say, and are not speaking your truth? Are you stuffing your words with food? Are you feeling powerless in some area of your life, and not maintaining a healthy balance or caring for yourself on a daily basis with exercise, healthy food, relaxation, pleasure and having meaningful connection with others?

Since my teen years, I have struggled with disordered eating, and unhealthy eating patterns. There was a time when I held a lot of shame around this area of my life, and would never have imagined myself sharing, and writing about it as openly as I am able to today. Although I still have times where I find myself pulled into some of those old patterns,  I am able to redirect myself to a healthy, more balanced state. When I become aware of myself behaving in unloving ways toward my body (by stuffing my mouth full of cookies, or chocolate chips for example) I instead deal with how I am feeling in that moment, and turn to something more self-loving toward my body.

Today, I can reflect on how far I have come, the lessons I have learned, and how determined I have been to heal this area of my life. I now have the privilege and honor of doing the sacred, meaningful work in serving others with their struggles in an authentic way, because I know the pain and suffering living with this inner struggle can cause.

 I have worked with many women that have suffered a great deal around their painful relationship with food, and I have come to realize that disordered eating patterns are not uncommon at all, but because there is so much secrecy, shame and embarrassment around these behaviors, we don't want to openly disclose our 'behind closed doors' eating habits to others. Unfortunately this isolation, and secrecy only makes the problem worse, because healing these issues is near impossible to do without guidance and support from someone who is qualified to deal with this complex and delicate issue.

*Let me clarify, that while a medically diagnosed eating disorder (such as bulimia, binging/purging and severe food restriction know as anorexia) can be fatal,-and adequate professional intervention and possibly medical treatment is essential- the disordered eating I am speaking of here is emotional eating.

One common pattern with emotional/binge eating, and one that makes this behavior so unhealthy, is that person in the throws of whatever emotion they find themselves in, uses food as their 'drug', as a way to cope with or numb their uncomfortable feelings. After an episode of overeating to the point of feeling sick, some might vow to restrict their food intake for the rest of the day, or into the next day, or even longer, to counteract the guilt and shame they feel for their perceived lack of self- control. This is the pattern I found myself in for many years, and because I was a 'health junkie' I tricked myself into thinking I was doing really well. But the truth that I wasn't willing to see, was that unconsciously inhaling 10 organic, homemade spelt flour cookies, or almost an entire organic dark chocolate bar is not healthy behavior, and no amount of organic veggies or green smoothies will erase the damage this behavior was doing to my body and soul.

The bottom line is that food is certainly meant to be pleasurable  and enjoyed, however, it's main purpose is to sustain our energy and provide nourishment in order to keep us alive. If you often find yourself eating outside of meal times, aside from reasonable snacking, or eating way past the point of being full- you are very likely feeding your feelings.

So why do we eat when we aren't actually hungry?

There are many other reasons for emotional eating, but the most common reason...

 We feed our uncomfortable feelings to numb out. Anyone who has overdone it on the sugar, knows about that little high that comes shortly after that first few bites of chocolate cake, or after downing a few chocolate chip cookies..(or whatever it is that does it for you.) A tip off that you are stress eating, or feeding your emotions is that you are doing it almost unconsciously. It is mindless eating, and one is usually not even aware of what they are doing-at the time- until afterwards when the cookie jar is empty.

When you find yourself reaching for food between meal/snack times, check in to see if you are truly hungry first. if you are not actually hungry, ask yourself: "What am I feeling right now?", and "What am I truly hungry for?" becoming aware of the habitual reaching for food is the first step to changing it! Are you bored, sad, lonely, depressed, anxious, worried, stressed out, and feeling out of balance?
Maybe you need a nap? To have a difficult conversation with someone that you are avoiding? A walk or run or do some yoga? A talk with someone you trust? A hug? Maybe just a cup of tea and a magazine? The idea is to fill yourself up with other activities instead of food.

In order to truly heal this imbalance, and the dis~ease within, we must look at the root cause. The root cause of any addictive and self-harming behavior is lack of self~love! When you love yourself, and honor your body for the miracle that it is, these unhealthy behaviors fall away organically.

If you are trying to lose weight, and have been for a very long time, check to see if emotional eating may be playing a part in your struggles. Weight loss plans, and fad 'diets' will do very little to help with sustainable weight loss, unless the approach is in treating the root cause, and healing it from a holistic approach, caring for our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual selves.


If you are struggling with loving yourself,  and want to stop feeding your feelings, I can help you on your journey toward a more self~loving, self~honoring place. You can visit my  my website to get my free Women's Guide to Vibrant Health.
You can also join my private Facebook women's health community by requesting to be added right here ===> Women's Holistic Health Communitys

E: info@leanneoaten.com

In health and balance,

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor