Radical Self~Care: Prioritize yourself, because nobody else is going to!

 

 

 

 

 

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire

universe, deserve your love and affection."

-Buddha

 

 

 Perhaps it may seem a little harsh for me to assume that everyone in your life does not prioritize you, and put you first. If you are one of those lucky people, and you have someone or several others in your life, who put your needs before their own, then you are truly blessed! Express deep gratitude and appreciation for these people in your life often.

For most of us though, the reality is that nobody is going to force us to take time to care for ourselves. While our loved ones and others in our life may love us, and have the best intentions, they are not going to cook us healthy meals, drive us to the gym, push us out the door for a run, and plan a weekend getaway for us to have some solitude. Our parents are not likely going to step in and offer to take the kids so we can go have some time for ourselves, or a date night with our partner. Our partner is not likely to say "I'll take the kids for the day, go have a massage and pedicure, you deserve it", and our kids are not going to say, "Thank you Mommy, for all of your hard work, you deserve a break today!" You are responsible for taking good care of yourself. Most of the time, if we need something, we either need to ask somebody to assist us in making it happen, or we need to take responsibility for making it happen ourselves.


There may be times when the people in our lives do recognize all that we do, and want to help, or do something nice to acknowledge our efforts, however; from my experience, and what I have seen as a common thread among many women I work with, and some of my closest friends, time for themselves seems to be lacking. Many of us feel deprived of time to ourselves, doing what we love. We have to make ourselves a priority and honor, and value ourselves enough to make caring for our own health and well-being top priority- because if we wait for someone else to come long and do it for us, we may wait forever.

When we blame on others, or our circumstances for not having any time forourselves, we are giving our personal power away, which leaves us feeling powerless in our own lives.

Own your power, and reclaim your life- take total responsibility and ownership for your life, and wherever you may find yourself right now, and look for ways that you can begin infusing change and making yourself a priority.

 Caring for ourselves is not selfish, it is self-preservation, and

Self~love, is not selfish or arrogant. It is not saying you are better than anyone else, but that you value, and love and accept yourself for who you are, and demonstrate this by how you care for yourself, how you allow others to treat you, and how you treat others. 

 Self~ love, and self~care, are essential pieces to the wellness puzzle, and must become the foundation for all that we do, and choose not to do, in honor of caring for ourselves. For each individual this will be different, as we all have very unique needs, and are filled up in different ways.

 Here is an exercise that is fun, and creative to get you started. Write a self-care manifesto! This will be your foundation, and your grounding center, that will guide you in every decision, every choice and every action you take on a daily basis.

The way I look at it, is that I only have one shot at this life, my children only have one Mother, and I want to be the healthiest, best version of myself, so that I am healthy and vital to see them grow up. I picture myself being a youthful grandma, running around with my grand kids someday, and traveling with my husband once the kids are grown. I want to be self sufficient, and continue to live a life free of medical interventions and prescription drugs by caring for myself now, while I am young. So, to live out my vision, I must be in alignment with these desires and intentions, by practicing radical self-care NOW, and always, so that I am healthy and able to continue to live an awesome life, as I age.

My self~ care manifesto 

~I choose every single day, to always do my very best in each moment, to honor, love and cherish myself enough to put my needs first, for I know that if I do not fill myself up first, I will have nothing to give to those around me.

 

~If I am tired or feeling tense or stressed, I will stop what I am doing, and take a rest, or at least 5 minutes to breathe in silence.

 

~If I am hungry, I will eat. I will always strive to feed my body with love. If I veer off the path, and eat something that makes me feel guilty, or unhealthy- I will let it go,  forgive myself quickly, and get back on track with the next meal or snack.

 

~I will choose to focus on all that I am grateful for, because I know that when I do, I feel more joyful and happy.

 

~I will always take good care of my body, by listening to what it is trying to tell me, feeding it healthy foods, exercising it regularly, taking my vitamins and herbs, and drinking lots of water.

 

~I will stay tuned~in, listen , and trust my intuition as guidance in all that I do.

 

~If I need a break, I will ask a friend or my partner to take the kids so I can tend to my own needs, and relase any guilt I may feel about it.

 

~I will move my body in ways that feel good to me, and when I am tired or unwell, I will skip intense exercise, and walk or do some yoga instead.

 

~I spend time only with those people that lift my spirits higher, whom I trust fully, and who accept me fully for who I am.

 

~I will not say yes to a request, unless I am certain it is something I truly want to do, and will not say yes to avoid disappointing another, for I know that this will only lead to resentment toward the person I am saying yes to, and also know, that I am only betraying myself when I ignore my truth.

 

~I will speak up when I need to express what is going on within, and I release the attachment to how it is perceived or how the person responds, for I can only control my own actions and words, and know that how the other responds to my words, and actions is their Karma- not mine.

 

~I will set healthy boundaries with others, and make it clear what those boundaries are. (For example: I do not take client calls on the weekends, unless it is an emergency, or if someone speaks to me in  way that is offensive or doesn't feel right, I will let them know it is not OK with me to be spoken to in that way).

 

~If I am feeling emotional, and need to have a good old crying episode, even if I do not know what I am actually crying about, I will allow myself time to feel my feelings, for I know when I do, it will pass and clear much quicker, than if I carry on, ignore, and stuff my true feelings. 

 

~I will never put my needs on the button rung ever again.

 

 I love myself way too much to ever devalue my needs, ignore my inner voice, and treat my body in unloving ways. I have learned the hard way, what happens when I put myself last, and I choose not to go there ever again. I will revise and add to this manifesto as life carries on, and make my self top priority always, because I know I deserve it!

Have fun creating your own manifesto, frame it, hang it somewhere visible, and look at it often. Allow this to be your personal set of 'instructions for living'. Make it your own, and  think big! This is your  life, and you as much as anybody else deserve your own love and approval. You deserve happiness, and vital health! If you do not make yourself a priority, who else is going to do it for you?


Yours in health, and gratitude,

~Leanne Oaten, R.P.Cc
Holistic Counsellor, Wellness Leader
www.soulworkcounselling.com

How stressed out are you? Some tips to help you relax

 STRESS. We all have it, we can not always avoid it, but we can do a lot to manage it, by taking action, building self- awareness, and learning to create more balance in our lives.

Stress becomes toxic when it is chronic and ongoing. When the demands put upon us, 

outweigh the reserves we have available within us to effectively manage what is required of us.

 Most people are functioning with a high level of chronic stress, and the worst part is, they often aren't even aware that what they are experiencing in their lives through physical, emotional, and mental illness, is likely being caused by, or being made worse by chronic, out of control stress levels. For more on this read: Stress and your health

One of the first things we can do to begin to manage our stress levels, is to become more aware of our symptoms, mood, relationships, happiness and the state of our health.

Opening our minds to the truth that stress is toxic, and can make us sick, tired and  unhappy is the first place to begin.

Once we become more connected, and tuned~ in to our mind/body connection, from that place we can get curious about what is behind our pain, be it, emotional, physical, or mental symptoms.

For me, I know when I am feeling stressed, (along with a million thoughts, ideas, and to-do's racing around in my mind),  is that my breathing becomes shallow, I get tight in my chest, and my back between my shoulders begins to ache. I have also noticed, that it is only during certain times of the day (usually the end of the day) and when I am feeling overwhelmed, tired and in need of some quiet time. With this awareness, I now take 5 minutes- or more if I can- and lay down, do some deep breathing and reset. I can then return to whatever I was doing before, feeling more grounded, and peaceful. I have also learned, that practicing extreme self-care daily to stay balanced, is essential in managing my day to day stress levels.

Here is my 3 step plan for stress management:

1. Awareness. Get tuned in to your body's signals. Take note of what is happening for you. Do you get a headache on days you have too much to do? Does your back ache when your endless list of to-dos are running around in your mind? Do you get a stomach ache when you are in conflict with someone? Do you become "worried sick"? That figure of speech actually carries a lot of truth! We definitely can worry ourselves sick.

2. Turn on the relaxation response. As soon as you become aware of your triggers, and the way your body speaks to you, it is time to do something that turns on the relaxation response. Some suggestions for alternative treatments to stress are below, but simply removing yourself from the stressful situation, going somewhere quiet, and engaging in some breath work/relaxation techniques, and re- framing any thought patterns that are creating the stress response, are all that is needed in the moment.

3. Do a 'mind-dump'. Write down everything that is weighing on your mind, either in a journal, or a sheet of paper...let it just flow out onto the page, without analyzing or judging it. Swear if you must, write whatever comes to mind. Taking it out of your head, and putting it on paper is very therapeutic, and allows you to release some of the thoughts rattling around in your head. You will be amazed at how effective this is! If you have a way to safely burn the writing, this is a very powerful and therapeutic practice.

One last thought, if you are able to round out this 3 step plan with some exercise, this is a very powerful way to move stress through the body. Even if all you have time for is a 10 minute brisk paced walk. Adding a minimum of 30 minutes of physical movement into your day, most days of the week, is essential for health, and stress management.

Keep in mind, that keeping our tanks topped up takes diligence, self-awareness, and creating some time in your day, every day, to allow for relaxation, rejuvenation and pleasure. When our reserves are built up, by using some the techniques suggested, we are better able to manage the unexpected snags and rough patches that come our way. When we are busy, and life is throwing all kinds of stuff at us all at once, or we just have a period where a lot is happening in a short period of time,  this is definitely no time to neglect your self-care. In fact, it is the most important time to increase more relaxation, and pleasurable activities into your day, to offset the pressure, and overwhelm you may be experiencing.

Until next time, keep calm, and get your relaxation on!

Leanne Oaten

Holistic Counsellor & Soul Centered Life Coach

Visit  www.soulworkcounselling.com for more information and upcoming workshops and events.

For more reading, I found this informative article that goes more into depth about unhealthy stress.

http://humananatura.com/2012/02/15/living-without-unhealthy-stress/

The perfect "diet" for YOU

I got your attention with the title didn't I? What I am about to share with you though, is probably not what you were expecting. If you are reading this, I can safely guess that it is because- in one way or another- you are searching, and maybe have been for a long while, to find the "perfect diet" to improve your health, or lose weight.

I have been there. I used to have a different stack of fad diet and nutrition program books beside my bed at all times. I too, was searching for the "perfect diet" the "perfect plan" to help me find the answers to my health issues, and lose extra weight- but now, looking back, I can say that none of these books or "experts" were able to give me this perfect plan, because nobody knows my body the way that I do!

Personal growth, and books written about getting healthy are invaluable. I am always reading something, and have a thirst for learning and expanding my awareness. If I am working on some area of my own personal development, or want to understand something better, I will find a book on that subject to offer me some new insights. If you are looking to improve in some area of your life, books are one way to help you broaden your knowledge, and understanding. But one thing I would like to share with you that I believe has been an important lesson for me:

I have learned to take the information that resonates with me and makes sense with where I intend to go, and discard the rest. No matter who says it, it has to be in alignment with what I believe to be true.

So, with that said, there is one exception that I believe we must keep in mind when reading and Googling to find answers:

No matter what you hear or what you read, even from the so called "experts", nobody can tell you what is the right way-for you to eat. We are all winging it. Only YOU are the expert of your own body!

I believe that avoiding too much processed, fake foods, animal foods, sugar, and refined white flours is a good place to begin. Making sure to avoid toxic fats, and including healthful ones like virgin coconut oil, olive, flax, hemp oils are also important.

While I can not call myself a "Vegan", I feel best on a mostly vegan diet, with the exception of a little free range chicken or wild salmon 1-2 times per week. I don't eat eggs, or dairy products, and am continually working to reduce processed, refined foods in my diet, however; I also believe to avoid these things exclusively takes a lot of joy out of eating and living. How many parties or gatherings I have been to where there was nothing I could eat, and had to bring my own food. That is no fun at all!

I love to follow Kris Carr, she is a Vegan and emphasizes the importance of a diet focused mostly on plants, and raw fruits and veggies, but her approach leaves some room for flexibility, and a reasonable amount of convenience foods like soba noodles, rice crackers, and vegan protein powder and plant milk substitutes.

As I said though, this is what feels best for my body, and my beliefs are my own. I have always been drawn to more vegetarian/animal free foods, and it just happens I feel my best when I eat this way. Some people will say they absolutely can not imagine a life without cheese or meat everyday. And if that is working for you, then why mess with what is working?

Strive to learn, continue to grow, refine and change what you are eating, have fun with trying new foods or trying new recipes- because as it has been said, "You are what you eat", so it goes without saying, eat well to live well. But for me, trying to follow an extremely restrictive eating style does not work. I do know that when I eat crappy foods, I feel...well...crappy. So, I avoid eating foods that make me feel awful for the simple reason I love to feel good, and I love myself enough to fuel my body with good food, that makes me feel at my best. I encourage you to continue to refine and play around with your eating style until you find the "perfect diet" for you!

I welcome your comments below, feel free to share your experiences with what is working well for you!

Live well,

Leanne Oaten
Holistic Counsellor, R.P.Cc, Wellness Leader
www.soulworkcounselling.com