What to do when nothing seems to be working

When I feel stuck, or find myself in a funky mood and have no idea why, I turn to my pen and paper every time. Writing always helps me process what's going on within, and I always feel more clarity when I am done. Free flow writing helps me clear the stagnant emotional energy I may be feeling.

 

(Free flow writing is simply just writing with no attention given to grammar, wording or neatness in your writing. I like to set a timer and commit to 10 minutes writing whatever comes into my consciousness. )

 There is an area in my life, that no matter what I do, little improvement is coming my way. It has been a cause of great 'stress' (when I am thinking stressful thoughts about it) and I have reached the place of pure surrender and letting go around this issue. I am trusting that I don't need to know the 'how' it's going to happen or the 'why' it is NOT happening how I want it to, I just need to flow and keep asking for Universal guidance. My mantra lately has been "show me what to do next", and I keep listening for the answers, and go where I am being guided.

I know I am doing all that I can, within my power, to change this situation, and realize I have to trust the process, and keep focusing on what I love, what I want, what makes my life meaningful, and what truly matters.

While I have set clear intentions for this area of my life to flourish (very soon!), I know there is no way to rush the process, and I have also realized, that just because things aren't going as I would like them to (on my time clock), doesn't mean I can't feel good and be happy in the meantime!

 

 

One morning, in my discomfort and frustration, feeling like all of my desires and efforts to manifest my dreams was not working, no matter how hard I tried,  I decided I would write an angry letter to the Universe.

 I was writing my letter, going on about all of the things I am doing to improve my life, to grow, heal and expand. All the fears I have overcome, all the risks and chances I have taken, and WHY this area of my life hasn't changed when so many other areas are amazing.

That is when it hit me. I started writing about all the most recent, wonderful things that have improved in all areas of my life in the past few months (and there are many!), and my 'letter of complaint' turned into a gratitude list. I was just going to let it out, and have a few choice words with 'all that is', about why what I am doing is not working...and it turned into feeling full of gratitude and appreciation for how far I have come, and all of the beauty in my life, and all that I have to be grateful for!

 

The biggest lessons I have learned about resisting what is:

 

1) I cannot force outcomes no matter how hard I try.

2) I can choose to be happy- even when things aren't going my way.

3) There is always something to appreciate and be grateful for.

4) What I focus on will be my experience and reality. If I focus on lack, I will feel that lack mentality and feel miserable. If I focus on gratitude and appreciation for what I have, I will feel abundant and prosperous, content and joyful.

5) When things are not going as I want them to, I choose to focus on what I want, where I intend to go, and find ways to make myself feel good in the meantime. My goal is to feel good as much as possible, no matter what is happening in my world. Mantra: "I want to feel good"

6) Arguing with reality is the surest way to suffering and unhappiness. Acceptance of what is leads to peace and a calm mind.

 So, I encourage you to write a "Letter to the Universe" whenever you are feeling discouraged. Begin with asking for what you want, or venting your feelings, and once that feels clear, end the letter with "In my life I am grateful for...." and write about that. It will leave you feeling renewed and grounded in the truth of what really matters in this life.
~Leanne~
www.soulworkcounselling.com

 

 

My (almost) zero sugar detox- day 7

So, tomorrow morning marks day 7 of this challenge, and while I feel I have done really well, reading labels and avoiding obvious sources of added sugar-I have to be honest, I have not been perfect- and I am okay with that. There have been small traces in a few things I have consumed, but in the past, when I would do something like this, I would beat myself up for the perceived 'failure' of eating something 'forbidden' and make myself miserable- but I am so over that now!

I am doing this my way, with my own rules, not rules imposed on me by anyone else. I am exceeding my own expectations! My personal intention with doing this is to see how I feel after cutting out the main sources of sugar in my diet, strictly for health reasons. It is not to lose weight or reach some ideal body, it is to feel amazing in THIS body that I have now.

Positives I have noticed while cutting the sugar so far:
-no headaches
-less tummy upsets
-more energy
-clearer headed and more focused

I didn't have a lot of sugar to cut out, so this list is pretty minimal, as is the positive effects- I think because I had such a low sugar diet in the first place, this has been pretty easy for me. I have had no 'withdrawal' symptoms that often go along with cutting sugar (this can be especially bad if one had a high sugar/processed food diet prior to doing a cleanse) but I have had little effect, other than the occasional thought or desire to have something sweet after dinner.

The other area that has been especially hard is that I am drinking my morning java with no sugar. I have to say, I do not like the taste of coffee without a little sweetener in it, so I am finding myself having a few sips if it, and leaving it, so I am having very minimal caffeine as well. And I am surviving!

As far as other awareness's I have had, I am blown away by how many foods have sugar in them! Mayonnaise, breads (even the Silver Hills ones have some!), ketchup, crackers,  pretty much everything processed, in a package, has sugar in it in some form!

One thing I know for sure, once this 30 days is up, while I won't be as strict, I am definitely going to continue reading labels, and putting products back on the shelf that have sugar in the ingredients list.

One big and profound way to reduce sugar intake immediately in our diets- stop buying processed food as much as possible!

Again, not striving for perfection, just improvement, and greater awareness about how much sugar I am putting in my body. Here is another lengthy but super-informative article on this topic written by Dr. Frank Lipman. I recommend anything authored by him, as he definitely knows his stuff!

If you are doing this along with me, and are craving something naturally sweet, here is a super delicious sugar-free smoothie that tastes like a treat, but is full of healthy ingredients:

It is originally from Genuine Heath, but I have adapted it slightly. It is deee-licious!

Creamsicle Smoothie

• 1 scoop vegan (vanilla or unflavored) protein powder
• 1 tbsp. orange flavored omega or plant oil
• 1 scoop greens powder (make sure it's sugar free and minimally processed)
• 1 banana
• 1 cup frozen mango
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 tbsp. fresh orange rind (do not skip this, it makes the smoothie)
• 1/2 coconut water (or filtered water) and few ice cubes- to desired consistency

(Serves 2 for snack sized, or serves 1 as a meal for breakfast or after a work out to replenish)

Blend all ingredients until well mixed, add protein at the end and blend just enough to incorporate.

Enjoy!

If you have any comments or questions, do so below, or find me on Facebook and connect with me there!

Yours in vibrant, sugar- free health.
 Visit my website

Leanne

Sugar-free breakfast options

After posting Sugar-free for 30 days I have had enquiries about what I am eating, and about some sugar-free breakfast options, so I will address this here so you can get started on your sugar free challenge :)

 Breakfast is indeed the toughest meal of the day to avoid starchy carbs, and sugars, but it is doable with a little time and planning. While I am not anti-carb, and do not spend too much energy monitoring how many carbs I eat, I do make sure they are high quality, in the form of whole grains (rice, quinoa, steel cut oats) and if I eat bread, I favor Ezekiel live grain sprouted bread (you will find in the freezer section in health food stores), or alternatively Silver Hills Sprouted bread is a good one too. So, to get you started here are some ideas. You could start here Sweet ways to use quinoa but of course omit any sugar in the recipes. The quinoa bars are probably sweet enough with the dates in them, and you could add raisins to any hot cereal for sweetness.

1) Smoothies are a perfect go-to when you don't have a lot of time. Use a glass mason jar, and drill a hole in the lid for a straw and you have a smoothie-to-go cup! Take it with you on the way out the door. Ingredients I play around with in my smoothies are: organic frozen fruits of various kinds, coconut water, spinach, hemp/chia seeds, bananas, and dark fair trade cocoa powder, and vegan protein powder. My favorite is Warrior Blend raw protein powder, but just read labels to make sure they are sugar-free!
Use a combo of 1 cup total fruit, throw in greens if using, and add liquid to desired thickness, a few drops of Stevia (alcohol free) and blend away! I love my Vitamix, but any blender will do the trick.

2) Whole grain toast topped with natural nut butter with no added crap like sugar and junky oils. It should only have the nut and it's natural oils on the ingredient label, sometimes salt, but that is it! Watch for sugar, read labels! Top with banana and cinnamon sprinkled on top. Pair with a grapefruit, and you have a wholesome, well rounded breakfast to get you through the morning!

3) As I said above, any hot cereal with no added sugar is fine too.

4) If you enjoy eggs, an egg omelette with veggies is a good option.

One additional tip to offer you: be sure to include 10-15 grams of protein in your breakfast meal to keep blood sugar steady. This will assist you greatly in reducing sugar crashes and cravings. Include a little high quality protein into all meals and snacks- this is a rule of thumb I live by always.

I hope this helps get you started, and I promise you, if you stick to this no- sugar thing, you WILL feel amazing in so many ways! So if you feel called to partake on this journey, you will be rewarded with looking and feeling amazing!

If you need support, I can answer any questions on my Facebook page. Or book a session with me to assist you in healing any emotional connection or addiction to food.

Sugar free, and loving it so far! :)
Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com

Sugar-free for 30 days- DAY 1, week 1

When I was 12 years old, my beloved Grannie passed away prematurely from Diabetes complications after months of watching helplessly as my once vibrant and happy Grannie deteriorated to the point of hardly being able to feed herself, and my Mother has been insulin dependant and in poor health for many years, so because of my strong refusal to go down that path, I am determined to start a new legacy for me and my children. This is the biggest reason I am so careful and mindful about how much refined sugar I am consuming. I have such a passion and inner drive to be healthy, and intend to be around in healthy, vital body and mind, and be fit and able to be an active grandmother someday. Because I feel so strongly about taking control of my health, one of the things I stick to, is that  I NEVER use refined white sugar, and consider this to be pure poison! As a person who has struggled with sugar addiction since my teens, and struggled with binge eating around sugar, I am acutely aware of when I am going into that craving mode, when I feel like I NEED something sweet before I lose my mind. I now have more self- awareness, and tools, and life experience to pull myself out of this place, and know how to get back on track when I find myself experiencing intense cravings for sweets.

I have done extensive researched about the dangers of too much refined sugar in our diets, and how they are one of the main causes of obesity and many other health issues and disease, such as cancer. The health guideline suggested for adults and sugar consumption is 35 grams/day of added sugar, and half that amount for kids. Most people consume far above this recommended amount, sometimes even before lunch time!

So, my husband and I made an agreement to both go 30 days without sugar, as an experiment to see how we feel. His motivation is more about working to reach a fitness goal, my intention is to see if I can make myself feel even better than I already do, and try to cut the last little thread of sugar addiction I still struggle with.

Our simple, yet not easy to do, guidelines:

1. )Nothing processed that contains added sugar or any kind (agave included)- Stevia is ok.
2. )Fresh fruit is ok. Some say this is a no-no when you are detoxing from sugar, but there are so many health benefits to fruit, I am not cutting it out.
3. ) No alcohol (turns straight to sugar in the bloodstream!)
4. ) No white/refined flours (which is not a stretch for us as we only eat sprouted grain bread, but this limits things if we are grabbing something on the go, no coffee shop muffins, deli sandwiches or white of whole wheat products)



The truth is -Sugar is addictive. Once you have a little, your body craves more, and more over time. I have found this to be true for me, and countless others I have worked with. There are many great books and blogs all about the many harmful, and addictive qualities of sugar. A good place to start is here. Most people find, when they go a stretch of time detoxing from sugar, that they start to lose cravings for it, and when they do have it, are affected negatively from even small amounts. We build a tolerance to it over time, and become 'immune' to its noticeable effects on the mind and body.
 I encourage you to do your own research on this topic, and get informed.
This also goes for our kids! Most children consume WAY too much sugar between fruit juice, sweetened drinks, fake 'fruit snacks', granola bars and other pre-packaged, highly processed snack foods, sugar loaded cereals, flavoured yogurts, and the list goes on! As I said, do your own research, and you will be shocked at what you find. 

While I do my best to avoid sugar, I am still getting in in sneaky little ways throughout the day, and it all adds up very quickly. I use Stevia in most things that need a little sweetening, like my smoothies or chia pudding :) and have switched to using coconut palm sugar exclusively in all other things I make (this sugar is lowest on the glycemic index) but here are some ways I sugar has crept into my daily habits.

~ Morning coffee! I LOVE,  love, love, my morning coffee. It is something I look forward to every morning as part of my ritual. After I drop the kids off at school, I come home, have my coffee, do my morning reading, writing, and meditating, and look forward to this every day. But, I added about 1 tsp of coconut sugar, and use soy creamer (I am sensitive to dairy) which has added sugar in it too (1 gram of sugar per tablespoon) and I probably used 3-4 Tbs so add another 4 grams of sugar to the sugar I added. This is not a lot of sugar in itself, but this was the first thing that had to go while doing this challenge. I can not tolerate black coffee, or stevia in hot drinks (it's just not palatable) so this morning, not only am I going sugar-free, I am kicking the java too :(

~Protein bars. A few times a week, I would reach for a Vega Sport bar or some other 'nutrition bar' when I was on the go. While these are not the worst thing in the world to grab on the fly, they do contain around 14 plus grams of sugar. That is almost as much sugar as a candy bar! So, no more of those! I will be planning ahead and making trail mix to take with me instead to have with fresh fruit.

~Dark chocolate, and chocolate chips. I love dark, organic chocolate. I don't touch those other grocery store lineup display crappy fake chocolate ones with a 10 foot pole-ever. But dark chocolate is one of my trigger foods! :) While dark chocolate has very little sugar (when it's 70% or higher cocoa content) it does contain some. I have been known to eat most of a large bar in a day, again, it IS addictive!

~Baking. I bake so that I can control what I put into my recipes, and know that I am putting healthy recess snacks into my kids lunches. I exclusively use spelt or kamut flour, and small amounts of coconut palm sugar, but if I make a batch of cookies (another "trigger food" for me) I can easily eat 4 or 5 in a day. It is one of those foods that once I start, I have a hard time stopping at just one. While they are healthy with nuts and seeds, coconut oil and low in sugar, it is still sugar. So, Stevia baking it is for the month! We will see how this goes!

So, these are the areas I need to work on. Honestly I feel I am going to have the hardest time with skipping my morning coffee. I am quitting 2 of my addictions cold turkey! But, I am also excited to see where this leads me. I am going to blog about my experiences as I go along, and encourage you to consider 30 days going without sugar, and see how you feel. If I can be of assistance to you, please feel free to contact me.

Here are some great tips to get you started: 20-ways-to-get-sugar-out-of-your-life

Yours in vibrant health, and happiness,
Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com
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Are you in a toxic relationship?

* In most written material on abuse, the definitions of victim, abuser, and perpetrator are used- however I have chosen not to use this vocabulary as to not label someone as a victim/abuser. I believe we can all have the capacity and ability to change how we choose to be in this world, with new awareness and motivation to work through it.

 I have never written on this topic before, and it is something I feel so strongly about, but have felt hesitant to address in my writing because I like to focus on positive change, and happiness, and inspirational topics, and this topic can be a real downer. But today, I felt so strongly called to write about this, and my deepest hope is that my words will help anyone who may be in a toxic relationship of any kind.

After a lot of difficulty, deep inner work ,and learning to speak my truth little by little, I can safely say that at this point in my life, that I now have pretty healthy boundaries. I will not tolerate any type of abuse, mistreatment or disrespect in my life from anyone. I now keep my healthy boundaries with me wherever I go. This was not always the case, I have been on my own healing journey for many, many years in regards to teaching others how I want to be treated. I have held a lot of shame and embarrassment because of what I have experienced, and what I put up with in some of my relationships, and writing about it, is just another layer of my armor coming away. I have had to learn how to discern whether I am putting a protective wall up instead of my healthy boundaries in certain situations, as sometimes it can feel similar, but this is part of the process of learning how to stand up for myself, while still having an open heart and staying in a loving place within.

 While I have assisted people in my work and personal life going through abusive relationships, I feel ready to speak up about this important topic, because it is how I serve those who are suffering, and need to hear these words. It is how I assist in the healing of others who are experiencing these painful conditions and are in agonizing relationships that are slowly killing their souls. 

Most people can recognize when there is physical abuse happening in a relationship, because the one on the receiving end will have outer visible scars and bruises. This is clearly defined, and recognized as abuse in our society, and there is no grey area. Physical battery causing bodily harm to another is abuse, most will agree- no question. Usually (but not always) it is a male energy dominating the female energy, and seeking in gaining 'power over' someone weaker or more vulnerable- (here I will refer to the woman) helps the man feel more powerful and in control, when on the inside he is feeling exactly the opposite. Behind every abusive person (male and female), there are underlying feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, feelings of being out of control, and deeply rooted anger, that leaves the person feeling powerless, that usually stem from childhood trauma and unresolved hurts from the past. Physically abusive relationships are not something to be taken lightly. Every year so many women are killed senselessly at the hands of an abusive partner. If you are in an abusive relationship and are being physically harmed, seek professional help now.

Deeper scars the eye can not see

Another, less recognized form of abuse that is not as obvious- in society or by the individuals caught up in it- is emotional and verbal abuse. These forms of abuse are not as black and white as the more obvious form of physical abuse however; emotional and verbal abuse IS still abuse, and goes on in varying levels in many relationships to certain degrees. There is a spectrum in severity when this is occurring in intimate relationships, from mild and tolerable to debilitating and life-altering, for the person on the receiving end.

I want to touch on one important point on this subject. If you are experiencing any type of  hurtful treatment from anyone, intimate partner or otherwise, that feels wrong to you, know that you have the right to stand up for yourself and express how their behavior makes you feel. If you do your job in clearly setting your boundaries for how you wish to be treated, and the person refuses to honor and respect them, and you, and continues with the behavior you have asked them to stop, this is abusive behavior. The first time someone does something wrong is a mistake, the second, third, forth is a choice. You do not have to be physically harmed to be abused. In fact emotional and verbal forms can be just as, if not more, harmful psychologically than being hit or physically harmed.

 The bottom line is: If it feels wrong, if it feels painful, if it feels harmful and doesn't feel like love, it is not love. Love is supposed to feel good even when there are difficulties and challenges in every relationship. There should be a strong sense of feeling loved even during rough times. We should feel safe physically, and emotionally with the person, even if we are having a disagreement or differ in our views. There is a sense of security and safety present at all times in healthy relationships, where we feel we can be open and honest no matter what.

Start to notice how you feel in the presence of others, in this case your spouse or intimate partner. Do some people put a knot in your stomach when you are around them? Do you get headaches in the presence of a certain person? Anxiety, depression or obsessive compulsive behavior? Does it feel like something is just not right when you consider any of your most significant relationships? TRUST the feeling you get. Notice where you feel it in your body when you are with certain people. The body never lies.

For more reading on signs of emotional abuse, and action steps to take if you think you may be experiencing emotional abuse, please read this informative article. Signs of Emotional Abuse
Take this Quiz to see if emotional abuse is present in your intimate relationship.

The first step in dealing with toxic relationships, is awareness and recognizing when abuse is present. The silence needs to be broken. It is important to seek professional assistance if you are experiencing any type of abuse, having appropriate support from someone who understands, and is informed, about this topic is essential to recovering and healing from the effects.

If you need further support or would like someone to talk to, please contact me for a consultation.

If you are in a crisis situation or feel you are in any danger, contact the RCMP, or your local YMCA-Women's shelter immediately. There are safe houses available in every city, your local Y will have the contact information to direct you in the right place.

Yours in health and healing,

Leanne Oaten- Holistic Counsellor
Find me on Facebook
www.soulworkcounselling.com
(250)-319-3630 (feel free to leave a message on my confidential voice mail)