7 Tips for Keeping Kids Healthy

 

Our children are exposed to so many different germs and come into contact with superbugs and viruses on a daily basis, and even more so when they are in daycare and school. While we can’t prevent them from getting sick at all, and getting exposed to viruses is what actually builds their immature immune systems, there is a lot we can do as parents to reduce the number of illnesses per year, as well as lessen the severity when they do get sick.   

As a Mom of three I am always doing many things to keep my children healthy, happy with their immune systems functioning to the best they can be. I look to the holistic model (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) for balanced health, and consider that everything is connected. If our children are not well rested, eat too much of sugar and fake junk foods, have too many activities they rush around to every week (on top of school) and their home life is tense and stressful (with unbalanced and stressed out parents) these factors all have an effect on their immune systems and overall well-being. So, what are we to do? Here are some tips to keep in mind when considering your child’s health:

1)     Reduce refined sugars: Sugar depletes the immune system, period.  Sugar is also in just about every single processed food and packaged drinks. While 100% fruit juice has no added sugar, it is pretty close to the same thing as a lot of the naturally occurring nutrients have been processed out and later added back in. It is still a processed food and should be limited. An alternative 'soda' I give my kids for special occasions is called Zevia. It is sweetened with Stevia and comes in several different flavors. Or, try freshly squeezed fruit juice topped off with sparkling water. Read labels, and avoid foods that have more than 3-4 grams (or less) sugar per serving. It all adds up.  

2)     Make sleep a high priority:  Young kids need 11-12 hours of quality sleep per night, most take at least an hour to wind down after a busy day. I try to start the bedtime routine of diming the lights, and zero screen time after 6 p.m. on school nights.

3)      Hygiene: Teach them proper hand washing habits. Remind them to use these same habits at school as well. Skip the chemical loaded 'anti-bacterial' soaps and go for a naturally derived soap instead.

4)     Subdue stress: Kids get stressed and overwhelmed just like we do, and these days are way too overscheduled, and need more down-time carved in their days. Teach them the essential life- skill of relaxation and help them learn ways to unwind from the day, such as meditation, deep breathing, walking in nature, spending time with a pet, journaling or drawing before bed. Make sure they have regular ‘recharge’ periods during the day as well between activities. Also be mindful of your own stress levels and emotional balance, as our presence in the home has an effect on our kids well-being. Take care to attend to your own self- care and model healthy stress management.

5)     Nutrition: Whole food nutrition is the best foundation we can give our kids, for a healthy lifestyle. Whole foods as much as possible is the way to go!

6)    Support the body:  Strategic supplementation is helpful. A quality multi vitamin, vitamin C, Vitamin D, and (Echinacea or Elderberry extract when they are sick) are a good place to start. If frequent viruses and infections are present, have their blood tested for nutrient deficiencies such as low iron or vitamin D levels.

7)    Explore essential oils: Only use pure, therapeutic grade essential oils that are certified pure, and safe for ingestion. Two of my favorite products I use on my kids are the doTERRA "On Guard" protective blend, and "Serenity" relaxation blends. For fever peppermint is helpful applied diluted with a carrier oil and applies to the forehead, and "Breathe" Respiratory blend is wonderful for cough and stuffy noses. For a free consultation about how to integrate the use of oils into your family life, contact me to book an appointment. View my website here: http://www.mydoterra.com/mindbodyhealing/

Educate yourself, learn all that you can about embracing a holistic health approach for yourself and family, pass what you learn onto your children. As a parent we can do a much better job of raising healthy, happy kids if we use an ounce of prevention along with being proactive and informed about healthy living. We also must practice what we are teaching, by living well as a healthy role model for our kids. If they see us making exercise a priority, making green smoothies and taking time to relax, they will be much more open to following along! If we take care to plant the seeds of living well while our children are young, what they learn will serve them very well in the future. Teaching them how to take care of their precious mind, body and soul is one of greatest gifts we can give our children, and one that will last a lifetime.

 

Leanne Oaten is a Holistic Counsellor, and Integrative Wellness Coach. She works one-to- one with people who want to improve their health and make positive changes in their life. She can be reached at 250.319.3630 or www.soulworkcounselling.com

 

All it takes is a little inner~ shift to change your life!

Do you listen to the whispers and gentle nudges from the universe, and your higher self? Or do you ignore them, and later look back and see that ignoring them was definitely a mistake?

How many times in your life can you recall ignoring that inner voice of wisdom, and realizing later it was trying to protect you?

Perhaps it was a business partnership that you were so excited about, but had that little tug deep within saying "something is off" but you went ahead anyways, just hoping for the best- only to have it end in a negative way, or just not work out how you had hoped?

How about taking on a new commitment despite those inner feelings of discord, only to have it end up being something that you can not manage effectively with your already busy life?

We must learn to trust our inner voice, if we want to live a life of truth and a life that truly is our own. Often we take on things or get into situations for the wrong reasons, and ignore what our truth is trying to communicate to us.

I recently had the pleasure of working with a client who was in a really rough place, and her world had crumbled beneath her feet, and seemingly to her, in a very short period of time. I helped her see that her circumstances did not appear all of a sudden, but were slowly coming toward her over a long period of time, through signs, and intuitive nudges from the universe-urging her to look at her life.

It took an accident and a broken limb, lost relationships, and hitting rock bottom, for her to finally STOP and look at her life!

She was having one Aha! moment after another, and spoke of how she should have trusted her inner voice that was trying to communicate with her.

She was able to experience a positive shift in a short period of time in our working together, that lead her to some deep healing, and inner transformation, simply from learning to tune in.

The other layer to this whole mess we often get into, is that we are so disconnected from our truth, our souls, our bodies and emotions, that we start living an inauthentic existence because we are so disconnected from what we really want and need! We pursue and continue with things because we think we "should" or because it will not look good if we bow out, or our egos get in the way and identify with a certain image we are trying to create, and all of this is not even truly who we are, or what we even want! It's all a mask.

Another way we stay disconnected is by over-filling our schedules, staying attached and 'wired' in with electronic gadgets, phones, texting etc.. We literally become addicted to distraction!

  We are disconnected from our body, pain, feelings, inner voice and higher self. We don't even know who we truly are, or what we want or how we feel.

Why do we disconnect from ourselves that way that we do? Here are a few underlying (often unconscious)  reasons:

-we are avoiding looking at the truth in our lives- a failing or unhappy marriage for example
-we are avoiding dealing with the past and any trauma or hurt we carry
-we feel discomfort within our own skin, and want to avoid FEELING it.
-We have deep sadness or feelings of loneliness we can not tolerate.
-there is unhealed wounds of the past that have not been processed or acknowledged
-it is just too painful to actually tune in, and feel what is present within
-we are afraid to feel what is present, because we fear our world will fall apart if we do
-We are depressed, stressed and overwhelmed

To connect to that inner wisdom, we must get quiet. For some this is a very uncomfortable thing to do because they have never truly looked within to see what is inside of their hearts, emotions and feelings. To hear what their soul is trying to communicate to them.

I see this so often in my work with my clients, and know this to be true for myself: If we don't stop and pause regularly, tune in to our emotions (soul energy), our inner voice, how we are feeling, and actually listen to what is present- eventually something will happen that will force us to stop and look. Illness and declining health, injury, accidents, relationship problems, our children experiencing problems, repeated random mishaps (such as hot water tank, dishwasher and vehicle transmission needing replaced in short period of time) are all ways the universe intervenes to try and get our attention. If we do not hear the little whispers, they eventually become louder, and louder.

 Other big ways might be a partner leaving, friends disappearing, sudden job loss, and so on. Whatever 'it' is, will surely be something that will rattle us within, and force us to stop and look, and hopefully start taking steps in a positive direction, working to change what our soul is calling us to look at.

I see many people through my client work, as well as in daily life that are addicted to chaos and never-ending busyness. I have a radar that goes off when I hear someone telling me how swamped they are,  how exhausted and burned out they are, how they don't sleep, how their body is failing, how they have no time for themselves or to focus on making any life changes.
Often their relationships are suffering, and they have a deep void that nothing can ever fill.

On my own journey, the biggest parts of my growth and healing have come from my learning to tune in, connect with myself regularly, develop emotional awareness and awareness of 'self', feeling what is present without judgement, and learning to love myself exactly where I am in every single moment. I believe that the biggest barrier to us having the life that we truly want, full of joy, health, love and positive relationships is our avoidance of connecting within. We have to have a healthy relationship with ourselves first, before we can experience a rich fulfilling and deeply satisfying life.

I encourage you to begin befriending yourself. Take time every single day to just be present with what is, by sitting quietly, alone with eyes closed for a period of time. No t.v, or electronic gadgets, no music, or other distractions, just silence. Listen to what you hear, if you are quiet long enough you will be amazed at what you receive from this time of going within. Begin with 5 minutes in the morning, and 5 minutes before bed, sitting in silence. This simple practice, will change your life.

To enhance this process, keep your journal nearby to free-form write all that you become aware of. I have had some of my biggest epiphanies during and coming out of a meditation! Writing anchors what comes up, and we can later refer to it to see how we are evolving and changing.

Big life changes and inner transformation happen from many little inner-shifts. Change doesn't have to be overwhelming, and you don't have to makeover your entire life right away! Little shifts lead to big and long-term, lasting changes.


I assist people with learning to tune in and heal from within. If you would like to experience a positive shift in your life, please contact me about my packages and upcoming workshops.

Leanne Oaten
Holistic Counselor, Soul-Centered Life Coach
doTERRA Wellness Advocate : http://www.mydoterra.com/mindbodyhealing/
www.soulworkcounselling.com
www.flourishcenter.ca
250-319-3630

5 health trends that are not exactly healthy

When it comes to health, and living well, what we put into

our bodies is  a very large piece of the wellness

and disease prevention puzzle.

From a holistic perspective, it has been said it is more important that exercise, vibrant health starts in the kitchen.

I have expanded on this foundation, and I say foundation because I believe it is what everything else we do builds from, to understanding that it's not just about what we eat that determines our health. It is our overall lifestyle. But today, I am focusing on nutritional choices.

I do not have to be convinced that food is the biggest factor in how we feel moment to moment, day to day. If I eat crappy food, and have too much sugar or processed food, not enough fresh fruit and veggies, I feel like, well..crap! So, I do not doubt that we are what we eat.

I am always looking for ways to clean up my nutrition regime and love learning about the newest healthy super foods, and how to make things from scratch with the purest ingredients.

Here are a few tidbits I have uncovered and implemented into my life:

1) Read labels on non-dairy milk products!  Carrageenan, a thickening agent said to be carcinogenic- is in so many products that we deem as healthier options. Alternative non-dairy milks are all the rage right now with dairy intolerances gone wild, and those that choose to forgo dairy as a health choice. Again,read labels carefully, as there are some brands that do not contain any, but most of them do.
Or make your own! Cashew milk is the easiest to make. Simply soak 3/4 cup raw cashews for a few hours in filtered water, add the to a high speed blender (Vitamix is king) and blend away until completely smooth. Add more water to desired consistency, and store in a tightly sealed jar for 3-4 days. It is delicious (and full of nutrients) nutritious in smoothies or chia pudding. :)

Read: Health benefits of making your own cashew milk


2) Agave is NOT low glycemic. Apparently, from my research, is almost as bad as high-fructose corn syrup, and is pretty much pure fructose. The agave trend had a good run, but from what I have learned, Coconut Palm sugar/syrup is the better choice. Although still sugar, and should be used in moderation, it is the healthiest choice I know of. I use it in small amounts for baking healthy cookies and muffins. (Costco has the best deal for this product.)

3) Gluten- free is not healthier-in some cases. The flours used to replace the gluten based ones are usually highly refined and processed, high glycemic, high in sugar and poor in nutrients and healthy fiber. White rice flour, potato flour, tapioca flour etc are all really starchy, and combined with the high sugar content, will mess with healthy blood sugar levels. If you have gluten issues, try almond flour, oat flour (labeled "gluten free" as oats can be cross- contaminated with gluten) or coconut flour instead in baking, and the Silver Hills sprouted gluten-free bread varieties are pretty good as well.

4) Sprouted flours and grain products are best.
If gluten is not an issue for you, sprouted spelt flour is my favorite flour to use. I am not gluten sensitive (thankfully!) so this is fine for me. It is high in protein and naturally occurring fibre and nutrients, and is minimally refined. Natures Fare, and Superstore carry this four, but beware, it is pricey.

5) Don't obsess over your protein intake. Unless you are a serious bodybuilder or have some special requirements, all those protein supplements are not all that great for overall health. Protein bars can pack up to 30 grams of sugar and are highly processed! That is our recommended daily allowance of added sugar in a day- although I still think that is high. Sure use a protein powder in a smoothie, or if you are on the go, it is better option than many other things one might grab in a hurry, but remember that is it a supplement, meaning your protein should come from a whole food source most of the time. Use those protein supplements wisely and with purpose. Make healthy protein bars, power balls, cookies (with above ingredients noted) and throw in hemp seed, and other nuts for extra protein. Use the supplements in a pinch when something else is not an option.

These are just a few things I have learned (and changed) along the way. It all comes down to eating whole foods more often, and using the lesser quality, processed, packaged foods less often. The more you can make in your own kitchen the better off you will be, and the healthier you will feel. It is all about balance, so no need for perfection! Just listen to your body, it will tell you what it likes, and doesn't like based on how you feel.

Yours in vibrant health,
Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com

You're too sensitive! Finding balance. feeling good. and loving life as a sensitive soul

Are you too sensitive? Read on..this is actually a good thing!

Lets be real. Life can be pretty stimulating and overwhelming and there are daily stressors that we all go through in our lives that can knock us off course, and leave us feeling like staying in bed all day, and shutting the world out.  All of the pain, suffering, and mayhem going on in the world around us, can be all too much to fathom sometimes. Not to mention the day to day realities like managing a household, marriage maintenance or conflict, making sure our children are thriving, our teens are staying out of trouble and harms way, work, careers, health issues, financial troubles, family issues, and so on.

 When life gets to feel like too much, and I find myself feeling overwhelmed, edgy and impatient with my family, I know I need to take action to take care of my needs. This week has been one of those weeks, I have felt like hiding from the world. Having the kids at home full-time leaves little time for me to have my solitude and quiet, and my mediation practice has been sporadic. When I stop doing the things that keep me balanced and grounded- look out!

According to the research I have done, I fall into the category of being a  Highly Sensitive Person. also termed and empath, and fit the criteria almost completely. To clarify, this is not a disorder or anything that is diagnosed by a psychiatrist and it does not exist in the diagnostic manual for mental illness or psychiatric disorders, so it is not a mental illness, however I am convinced it is a real problem for many people, they just don't know what they are dealing with or how to make changes. I have always had many struggles with handling too much chaos, or too many things going on all at once. I become overloaded very quickly, and I have learned to  know when I am reaching the point of 'overload madness'.

 I have helped 'sensitive' clients take their personal power back with this awareness I now have, and have taught them how to be gentle with themselves, and set healthy boundaries on the energy drains in their lives.

Two of my biggest downfalls where I struggle the most, is that I tend to over- think, and over- analyse situations, and I feel things on a very deep level. I remember this being the case even when I was really young. I have heard "stop being so sensitive! "and "you think too much" many times in my life. And for the longest time, I really felt there was something wrong with me. Other people around me didn't seem to be bothered by things that way that I was. They could eat and drink whatever they wanted, survive on little sleep, and go non-stop from one thing to the next, exercise like a machine and seemingly never be affected. This has never been the case for me.

I also have to be very mindful that I don't absorb the energies and emotions of others around me. I have to take really good care of myself to stay balanced.

Over the past few years, I have learned that there is actually nothing wrong with me, but that I am just wired differently. My nervous system is easily overloaded, and I need to take extra care of to stay in check and self-aware.

I also wonder if being an sensitive soul has had a part to play in the other issues I have encountered in my life, such as depression, anxiety, and Adrenal burnout. I have done some research on my theory, and the more I learn, the more I believe the three could be connected, at least to some degree in some individuals. SELF- Awareness is key, so now that I am aware of my specific, unique needs, I can usually plan my life accordingly.

I have come to embrace my sensitivity, and now know how to protect my sensitive nature in ways I didn't know how to before. From setting healthier boundaries, learning to tune in to my mind, emotions and body's signals, to saying no to requests that I know will drain me, and paying attention to the people I surround myself with, I am now able to manage this sensitivity to negativity and chaos and I now see my sensitivity is actually a strength, not a weakness. I feel things deeply, I have emotion for other people's pain and suffering, and empathy comes very easily to me. The downside to this, is that I tend to be hurt by the actions of other very deeply.

When one of my children is upset, I can tune into the emotion they are feeling, and soothe their souls with my presence and words almost like magic (most of the time!) because I can actually feel what they are feeling, so I know what to do, and not do.

Sensitive people are highly intuitive. I am prone to pick up on other peoples energies, which at times can be a problem, but I have learned ways to protect myself from absorbing or taking on other peoples negative energy. The positives of this gift, are that I can hear what is beneath the words that are being spoken, I can feel the emotion underneath what is being said, especially when the words don't match what I am sensing someone is feeling. This serves me in my personal and professional life, and greatly assists me in facilitating the healing of others.

So, I have taken something that can sometimes be seen by the world as a negative trait, and instead of 'toughening up' I am embracing who I am wholeheartedly. I accept who I am ,and I am OK with all of me in a way I was not before.

Love yourself. Embrace who you are. You are perfect just as you are right now!

If after reading the link above titled "Highly Sensitive Person" and this blog, you can identify with some of these unique characteristics within yourself, here are a few tips on how to thrive in the chaos of life.

 Tune in. Self- Awareness is the biggest piece to the whole puzzle and is the foundation for all of the healing work we will ever do. We have to be aware of what is happening within our mind and body, in order to take corrective action.  Body awareness begins with checking in.
 Are you feeling pressure or tightness in your head? Tightness in your chest, or shortness of breath? Do you get headaches? Do you feel like you are going to explode or lose your cool? Like you are operating on your last nerve? These are all signs that you need to take a time out. Even for 5 minutes, remove yourself from the situation, and do something calming. Deep breathing, writing out your thoughts, go for a walk, talk it out. Whatever works for you, and won't harm anyone, do it!

Create rituals. Most mornings I don't schedule anything until 10 a.m. if I can avoid it. The morning is reserved for me to get ready for the day, have my coffee, read, write, and reflect. On the mornings I don't do this, I feel out of sorts, like something is missing in my day. Carving this time out just for me, sets my day on a positive note. At night, I love hot Epsom salt aromatherapy baths, listening to inspirational pod casts, and Abraham Hicks. I also read for a few minutes in bed every night before turning out the lights. All of these things take up little time, but they create structure and ground me. Find what works for you, and fit those things into your day, every single day that you can possibly do it.

Learn to say no. If you don't want to do it, and someone's life isn't depending on it, just kindly, with love, say thank you but no thank you. And move on! Save your time and energy for the things that fill you up, and avoid the things that drain you dry. Simple but not always easy.

Avoid people places and activities that deplete you.
This can be difficult when this includes family, but reducing your time spent with people that make you feel like the life force has been sucked out of you, is only going to help you reserve your energy for the people who need your positive vibes and loving presence.

If this has resonated with you at all, I encourage you to do as much reading about it as possible so you can learn ways to cope and thrive as a sensitive soul, and embrace this gift!
Here   is a good place to start!

I am here to support you in your journey.

~Leanne

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor| Soul Centered Therapy
www.soulworkcounselling.com

Guilt Food and Exercise: When does getting healthy become unhealthy?



Ads like these do not encourage us to listen to our bodies!

How would you describe your relationship to food and exercise? Is your approach healthy and balanced, or ridged, obsessive and extreme? Are you enjoying your life, and is exercise and healthy eating a part of your overall lifestyle that brings you fulfillment? Or is it something that takes up a lot of your time and energy (physically, mentally and emotionally)- a constant heavy weight of guilt over either eating something "wrong" or "bad" or for not exercising 'enough'?

There was a time in my life, I thought my habits and fixations were healthy, and I was just more health conscious than others around me. I was passionate and determined to eat perfectly, and exercise perfectly to have a perfect body. I hated what I saw in the mirror after having 3 kids, and I was determined to beat my body into submission.

One of my defining moments (there were many along the way) but this one in particular was coming across and article online, that changed my course forever. As I was reading the words, I felt this feeling of peace and relief wash over me- I finally understood why I had this love hate relationship with my body, and food. I ordered the book by the author of the article called Health Food Junkies and that was the beginning of my healing from my many disordered eating behaviors and patterns.

While I have come a long way, there are still times I find myself travelling down that slippery slope, however today I can catch myself before I go too far sideways. I always remind myself that whatever I am doing, my intention is always about health, and health is about balance. It is OK to miss a day of exercise, it is OK to have a treat, or eat fries in a restaurant, or not eat perfectly balanced sometimes. In the past I was very rigid and controlling around food and what I would allow myself to eat. I would go through the cycle of restricting and binge eating, dieting, over exercising and back again around it would go. Living in this way caused me many years of great suffering, anxiety and stress around something that really doesn't have to be so complicated. If I find myself feeling guilty or "bad" for not eating my daily quota of veggies in a day, or for missing my serving of kale, I can just let it go now whereas before it would consume me if I didn't eat perfectly that day - or had some of my "forbidden foods".

As I was reflecting today, on the fact that this is the third day in a row I have not exercised (because I have simply not had the energy), I noticed some old familiar feelings of guilt surfacing. This used to be a much bigger problem for me, that ate up much of my days focus, planning my eating and caloric intake to be in balance with calories burned. The guilt that would follow after eating a "bad" food was almost unbearable. To relieve the guilt and anxiety, I would either vow to start a new diet the very next day, or try to out-exercise the extra calories I consumed that day. It was insanity!

I was noticing that while I was feeling this "I should go run on the treadmill even though I am exhausted" urge, I heard my inner voice telling me "it is OK to rest, you will get back on track" and I was able to let it go.

I know this is a very common struggle for so many women, in varying levels of severity, and I feel it is part of my purpose to share my story and experiences with this and help women who are struggling  in any way with this painful . It is a very difficult world to live in, when you are experiencing an eating disorder. It's like being in your own personal torture chamber, with you being the one doing the torturing!

Here is a comment I was reading today on a blog I follow, that sparked this post I am writing: Keep in mind, this was written by a girl who is 16 or 17! These are all red flags to eating disorder behaviors!

"I definitely experience exercise guilt. sometimes it’s not that bad, like if I have exercised for 10 days straight or something, then I can take a day off without feeling TOO bad about it. I try to justify it by telling myself that my body needs a break, but I still feel as though I should keep trucking along. the worst, though, is after I indulge. For example, I graduated high school on Saturday and to celebrate we went out to the cheesecake factory and I had a whole piece of cheesecake WITH ice cream! it tasted amazing, but when I had to work for 5 hours on Sunday and didn’t get to go to the gym, I felt terrible guilt. like I ate way too many calories the night before and if I didn’t burn them off by running 5 miles I was going to gain weight and not be happy. " -unknown
 Read more on this blog here


This makes me so sad, to know that so many girls and women struggle with this disorder, often in silence. We have to break the silence, and start talking about this with our daughters and other women! We have to love ourselves completely, and know that we are damn good enough love handles, cellulite and all!

Yes, we should strive to be healthy, and yes part of health IS a healthy body weight and proper nutritional habits- but there a point to where it can become unhealthy and is actually emotionally based coping behavior. It is essential to work with a professional who understands the vital link between our unhealed emotional wounds and eating disorders. 

So how do we distinguish between a healthy approach and an unhealthy approach?

I encourage you to reflect on these questions:

Is your food and exercise routine extreme? (Any time we are extreme in any area of our lives, we are definitely out of balance.) Do you exercise intensively more than 3-4 days/week? Do you take rest days in between intense workouts? Do you push through your workouts whether tired, ill or injured? If you miss a workout do you feel agitated or irritable?
Are you doing what you do out of love for yourself, just as you are now, simply because you want to feel good and treat your body well? Or are you doing it because of self-loathing and a desire to punish yourself in some way, or reach an ideal or perfect body shape? Are you fixated on the scale and what the numbers say?
Does what you are doing feel good to you? Does it make you happy? Do you love the exercise you are doing or do you grumble through it no matter how you are feeling that day? Do you enjoy playing around with new recipes, and finding new healthy foods to try and incorporate or is it something you feel you HAVE to do perfectly all of the time?

Look deep inside your heart, and get real with yourself. Where are you at? Do you need to do some inner reflection and reassess some things? Reach out for support and guidance?

The mind and body are connected. If the mind is unwell, so will be the body. To heal from this pattern, we must heal it from within. It's really not about the extra inches or imperfections we see in the mirror, it is a chronic lack of self-love, and past trauma and emotional wounds which need to be healed.

It is not easy, but I promise you, it is absolutely worth it. As a mother of two daughters, I want them to never, ever have the experiences I had living with this struggle. I teach them to love and to listen to their body, and feed it well, and appreciate what healthy food does for our bodies, and why it's the quality of our food that matters, NOT the calories or carbohydrates. These are the greatest lessons we can model for our daughters! They are watching and listening to everything we say and do!


I work with women experiencing unhealthy eating behaviors. Chronic dieting, binge eating and restrictive eating patterns are signs of an unhealthy relationship to food.

I can assist YOU toward a healthier path to finding balance, and healing the root cause so you can finally be free.

Work with me:

~Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor
250-319-3630
leanneoaten.com
info@leanneoaten.com

Unhealthy intimate relationship beliefs that are affecting your happiness

When it comes to relationships, especially love relationships, things can get really, messy, and overcomplicated. Our past, unresolved pain and unhealed wounds are often played out in our most intimate relationships, when we are looking to our 'special love' to fill whatever void is missing, or desperately trying to have a need fulfilled that we didn't have met with one (or both of our parents) in our formative years. Another aspect that causes relationship drama, pain and chaos, is that we are conditioned to believe (and live by) these unrealistic, and toxic "relationship rules" or ideas. 

Relationships are the best way to learn about ourselves, and who we are. And, if we are able to learn the lessons, even the most painful and seemingly impossible ones, we will grow in leaps and bounds individually, and as a couple. The huge piece here though, is that we should never enter into a new relationship, or stay in one that we are in because we feel we NEED this person for our very survival, but instead, that we choose to be with this person, because they enhance our lives in a positive way.

A healthy relationship is one where both people know that they could live without the other person, but they don't want to.

I have certainly experienced my share of pain and relationship drama over the past 20 or so years of my life, but it wasn't until I became more clear about the truth of what a healthy relationship is really about -and continue to deepen my understanding with greater clarity, that nobody can make me unhappy, unless I am already unhappy to begin with- that things really started to change for the better. Just as nobody and no thing can make me happy, unless I carry happiness inside.

I now see that through my own healing, that loving myself, taking ownership of my life experience, dropping the veil of self-protection, embracing my authentic self, and being more of who I want to be in the world, things go a lot smoother in my marriage and life in general.

I am so much happier when I turn the attention away from my husband (or anyone outside of myself) to make me happy, put the responsibility upon myself to make ME happy. It is a much better place to be, let me tell you!

On my quest in turning inward to learn the lessons I need to learn, and my determination to learn how have a healthy, vibrant, flourishing relationship, I have come to some conclusions about love and how easy it is to misuse a relationship to (unconsciously) serve our unmet needs from our childhood or past events that have occurred in our lives. Once I started to become clear of the patterns and how I was bringing the past into the present, it was like a light turned on in a dark room. I am now able to see when I am feeling or behaving from the past, and shift things to the present moment. It makes a huge difference when we are able to do this!

Here are some of the wacky relationship messages we hear all over the place, from relationship books and therapists, to well meaning relatives, to romance novels and movies, love songs, Hallmark cards, and everywhere in between that (I believe) are complete nonsense, and create all kinds of dysfunctional and codependent relationships! I cringe when I hear these messages in love songs on the radio, really I do. ;)

 See if any of these ring true in your relationship patterns, or in your belief system:

"He/she is my everything"
No other person should EVER be your everything! If you give this power away to someone else, and they choose to walk away, or the relationship doesn't last- what are you left with? Nothing? Really? Just think for a moment about how absurd this really is! Take the pressure off of your partner, he/she does not want to be your everything! It's your job to be your everything. Fill yourself up, and just feel appreciation and gratitude for this person who has chosen to share their life with you.

"You have my heart" or "I gave him/her my heart"
I read something the other day in passing that struck me..it said something to the affect of, if you give someone your whole heart, and they leave, does that mean they take your heart with them when they go?" How silly this sounds. Yes, we open our hearts, and give love, and act from love, and share love, but we do not give our hearts to anyone. There has to be a healthy balance of having an open heart that is free to love unconditionally, but also the ability to guard our hearts as well from the hurtful behaviors of another. Our heart (or heart chakra) can be too open, and when this is the case, we pour our love into everything and everyone (at the expense of ourselves) and feel deep pain when someone rejects us or leaves because we really do feel we gave our heart away. It can feel like this, but it is our responsibility to guard our hearts in a healthy way, without closing off to love and new experiences.

"I'd be lost without you" or "I can't live without you"
 This is the biggest reason so many women stay in toxic and abusive relationships, because they truly believe they are worthless, and that they would not survive without their partner. If you find yourself thinking this, ask yourself, is this absolutely the truth? Would I die without this person? Would my life cease to exist? Would I truly get lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere, if not for this person? (well this may be true for me actually, because I do have a poor sense of direction, and my husband has an internal GPS) but just think about how dis-empowering it feels for the person who truly believes their existence depends on another person! This is a sign that we are not in our true personal power, and need to spend some time and energy strengthening our inner being.

"Till death do us part" "together forever"
This is one message I have questioned my whole adult life. Maybe because I did not have healthy and stable relationships modeled for me to learn from while growing up, or maybe it's because it seems that marriage is just something you do because it's what seems like the right thing to do, then when it gets difficult so many people cut and run..but I do not believe in promising to stay with, or love someone forever. How can you commit something like this in good conscience? Circumstances change, people change, relationships dissolve, stuff happens. Relationships are hard, and sometimes the problems are too deeply ingrained to overcome together, and the healthiest thing to do is part ways. Not all marriages are meant to stay in tact for eternity.

Yes, we marry with the intention that it is forever, and we do all we can to grow individually and together for the sake of the marriage, and we take the vows seriously, and view marriage as a sacred union- but- I am not going to promise something I have no way to guarantee, because life is uncertain, I can not predict the future. My intention is to commit to the process, as long as it is healthy for all involved, and that more positive comes from the union than negative. Both people must be invested in the process for a relationship to grow and mature.

"I give myself to you"
We give our time, energy, love, kindness, and caring to another, but if we are actually giving our SELF to another, what does that actually mean? My heart, body and soul are no longer mine? We give aspects of our self, we share our self with our partner, but to give our sense- of -self away to another, is just plain toxic. In a healthy relationship, we have a healthy and intact sense of self, and it remains ours. Nobody can take this away, unless we allow it.


"I love him/her more than life itself"

To feel that you love someone more than your own life is a needy and toxic pattern in many relationships. When someone actually believe this, they will end up settling for less, and staying in relationships that are harmful to their well-being.

"He/she is the reason for all that I do" "He she is everything to me"
Sure this sounds lovely, but if you really think about it, do you want to be anyone's everything? How does it feel if you are the one living and pursuing all that you do, and doing all that you do-solely because of, and for another? A vulnerable newborn baby, and a small child that counts on us for everything, for their survival needs, yes we are their everything, but in a healthy, adult relationship no other person can be our everything. To believe this is insanity, and very unrealistic. To put this expectation and pressure on our partner is unfair. In relationships where someone really believes this to be true, and for whatever reason the relationship ends, they feel as if they really do have nothing, because they believed that the other person was their entire reason for existing. I have worked with clients in the aftermath of a relationship imbalance like this, and they suffered greatly because of it. Doesn't sound very pretty, does it? A healthy relationship involves two people coming together to compliment and balance one another's differences. Not to give endlessly at the expense of themselves.

And last but not least...

 "You complete me" "my other half" "we are one"

If you rely on anything or anyone outside of yourself to complete you and make you whole, you are totally screwed. You will never be truly happy, and will forever be at the mercy of another for however you are feeling if you believe they complete you. Don't give that kind of power away to anyone!

“The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” — Neale Donald Walsch

If together you are one, then what were you before you came together? Two halves? This is one circumstance that two halves do not make a whole. It is an illusion. If you have two "half people" coming together in a relationship to make a whole person, desperate for completion through another, it will likely be a disaster. The couple will likely be very unhappy together, as well as be very uncomfortable with being apart! The reason is that you can never make yourself whole through another! Take back your personal power, and responsibility for making yourself whole, and let your partner off the hook.

In a nutshell, what all of these messages imply, are than unless we find 'the one' we are incomplete, lost, nothing, needy, dependent, and broken. No wonder people feel in a panic to find "the one" jumping from relationship to relationship because they are desperately seeking someone to fill the void within. Or, they feel desperate to keep "the one" they believe is their reason for being (even when this person may not be the healthiest option for their highest good) because they believe they will not survive alone.


The takeaway I hope you get from this, that applies to all conscious, healthy, thriving and flourishing intimate relationships, is that both partners must take 100% responsibility for their own personal growth, happiness and fulfillment. If we are ever looking to something, or someone outside of ourselves to fill us up and make us happy, we will forever feel empty, like a bottomless pit that nothing, and nobody can ever fill. Healthy relationships are formed when we develop a healthy relationship with our ~ self first. We must fill ourselves up from within, and feel so full and complete and comfortable within our own skin, and fully love who we are, to truly know what it means to love another, for we can not give to another, what we do not have within ourselves to begin with.

~Leanne


Leanne is a Holistic Counsellor & Soul-Centered Life Coach. She teaches regular classes related to whole being health, personal development and natural healing and offers one-to-one coaching programs.

Visit: www.soulworkcounselling.com for upcoming events.
Leanne can be reached at: 250-319-3630

What to do when nothing seems to be working

When I feel stuck, or find myself in a funky mood and have no idea why, I turn to my pen and paper every time. Writing always helps me process what's going on within, and I always feel more clarity when I am done. Free flow writing helps me clear the stagnant emotional energy I may be feeling.

 

(Free flow writing is simply just writing with no attention given to grammar, wording or neatness in your writing. I like to set a timer and commit to 10 minutes writing whatever comes into my consciousness. )

 There is an area in my life, that no matter what I do, little improvement is coming my way. It has been a cause of great 'stress' (when I am thinking stressful thoughts about it) and I have reached the place of pure surrender and letting go around this issue. I am trusting that I don't need to know the 'how' it's going to happen or the 'why' it is NOT happening how I want it to, I just need to flow and keep asking for Universal guidance. My mantra lately has been "show me what to do next", and I keep listening for the answers, and go where I am being guided.

I know I am doing all that I can, within my power, to change this situation, and realize I have to trust the process, and keep focusing on what I love, what I want, what makes my life meaningful, and what truly matters.

While I have set clear intentions for this area of my life to flourish (very soon!), I know there is no way to rush the process, and I have also realized, that just because things aren't going as I would like them to (on my time clock), doesn't mean I can't feel good and be happy in the meantime!

 

 

One morning, in my discomfort and frustration, feeling like all of my desires and efforts to manifest my dreams was not working, no matter how hard I tried,  I decided I would write an angry letter to the Universe.

 I was writing my letter, going on about all of the things I am doing to improve my life, to grow, heal and expand. All the fears I have overcome, all the risks and chances I have taken, and WHY this area of my life hasn't changed when so many other areas are amazing.

That is when it hit me. I started writing about all the most recent, wonderful things that have improved in all areas of my life in the past few months (and there are many!), and my 'letter of complaint' turned into a gratitude list. I was just going to let it out, and have a few choice words with 'all that is', about why what I am doing is not working...and it turned into feeling full of gratitude and appreciation for how far I have come, and all of the beauty in my life, and all that I have to be grateful for!

 

The biggest lessons I have learned about resisting what is:

 

1) I cannot force outcomes no matter how hard I try.

2) I can choose to be happy- even when things aren't going my way.

3) There is always something to appreciate and be grateful for.

4) What I focus on will be my experience and reality. If I focus on lack, I will feel that lack mentality and feel miserable. If I focus on gratitude and appreciation for what I have, I will feel abundant and prosperous, content and joyful.

5) When things are not going as I want them to, I choose to focus on what I want, where I intend to go, and find ways to make myself feel good in the meantime. My goal is to feel good as much as possible, no matter what is happening in my world. Mantra: "I want to feel good"

6) Arguing with reality is the surest way to suffering and unhappiness. Acceptance of what is leads to peace and a calm mind.

 So, I encourage you to write a "Letter to the Universe" whenever you are feeling discouraged. Begin with asking for what you want, or venting your feelings, and once that feels clear, end the letter with "In my life I am grateful for...." and write about that. It will leave you feeling renewed and grounded in the truth of what really matters in this life.
~Leanne~
www.soulworkcounselling.com

 

 

My (almost) zero sugar detox- day 7

So, tomorrow morning marks day 7 of this challenge, and while I feel I have done really well, reading labels and avoiding obvious sources of added sugar-I have to be honest, I have not been perfect- and I am okay with that. There have been small traces in a few things I have consumed, but in the past, when I would do something like this, I would beat myself up for the perceived 'failure' of eating something 'forbidden' and make myself miserable- but I am so over that now!

I am doing this my way, with my own rules, not rules imposed on me by anyone else. I am exceeding my own expectations! My personal intention with doing this is to see how I feel after cutting out the main sources of sugar in my diet, strictly for health reasons. It is not to lose weight or reach some ideal body, it is to feel amazing in THIS body that I have now.

Positives I have noticed while cutting the sugar so far:
-no headaches
-less tummy upsets
-more energy
-clearer headed and more focused

I didn't have a lot of sugar to cut out, so this list is pretty minimal, as is the positive effects- I think because I had such a low sugar diet in the first place, this has been pretty easy for me. I have had no 'withdrawal' symptoms that often go along with cutting sugar (this can be especially bad if one had a high sugar/processed food diet prior to doing a cleanse) but I have had little effect, other than the occasional thought or desire to have something sweet after dinner.

The other area that has been especially hard is that I am drinking my morning java with no sugar. I have to say, I do not like the taste of coffee without a little sweetener in it, so I am finding myself having a few sips if it, and leaving it, so I am having very minimal caffeine as well. And I am surviving!

As far as other awareness's I have had, I am blown away by how many foods have sugar in them! Mayonnaise, breads (even the Silver Hills ones have some!), ketchup, crackers,  pretty much everything processed, in a package, has sugar in it in some form!

One thing I know for sure, once this 30 days is up, while I won't be as strict, I am definitely going to continue reading labels, and putting products back on the shelf that have sugar in the ingredients list.

One big and profound way to reduce sugar intake immediately in our diets- stop buying processed food as much as possible!

Again, not striving for perfection, just improvement, and greater awareness about how much sugar I am putting in my body. Here is another lengthy but super-informative article on this topic written by Dr. Frank Lipman. I recommend anything authored by him, as he definitely knows his stuff!

If you are doing this along with me, and are craving something naturally sweet, here is a super delicious sugar-free smoothie that tastes like a treat, but is full of healthy ingredients:

It is originally from Genuine Heath, but I have adapted it slightly. It is deee-licious!

Creamsicle Smoothie

• 1 scoop vegan (vanilla or unflavored) protein powder
• 1 tbsp. orange flavored omega or plant oil
• 1 scoop greens powder (make sure it's sugar free and minimally processed)
• 1 banana
• 1 cup frozen mango
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 tbsp. fresh orange rind (do not skip this, it makes the smoothie)
• 1/2 coconut water (or filtered water) and few ice cubes- to desired consistency

(Serves 2 for snack sized, or serves 1 as a meal for breakfast or after a work out to replenish)

Blend all ingredients until well mixed, add protein at the end and blend just enough to incorporate.

Enjoy!

If you have any comments or questions, do so below, or find me on Facebook and connect with me there!

Yours in vibrant, sugar- free health.
 Visit my website

Leanne

Sugar-free breakfast options

After posting Sugar-free for 30 days I have had enquiries about what I am eating, and about some sugar-free breakfast options, so I will address this here so you can get started on your sugar free challenge :)

 Breakfast is indeed the toughest meal of the day to avoid starchy carbs, and sugars, but it is doable with a little time and planning. While I am not anti-carb, and do not spend too much energy monitoring how many carbs I eat, I do make sure they are high quality, in the form of whole grains (rice, quinoa, steel cut oats) and if I eat bread, I favor Ezekiel live grain sprouted bread (you will find in the freezer section in health food stores), or alternatively Silver Hills Sprouted bread is a good one too. So, to get you started here are some ideas. You could start here Sweet ways to use quinoa but of course omit any sugar in the recipes. The quinoa bars are probably sweet enough with the dates in them, and you could add raisins to any hot cereal for sweetness.

1) Smoothies are a perfect go-to when you don't have a lot of time. Use a glass mason jar, and drill a hole in the lid for a straw and you have a smoothie-to-go cup! Take it with you on the way out the door. Ingredients I play around with in my smoothies are: organic frozen fruits of various kinds, coconut water, spinach, hemp/chia seeds, bananas, and dark fair trade cocoa powder, and vegan protein powder. My favorite is Warrior Blend raw protein powder, but just read labels to make sure they are sugar-free!
Use a combo of 1 cup total fruit, throw in greens if using, and add liquid to desired thickness, a few drops of Stevia (alcohol free) and blend away! I love my Vitamix, but any blender will do the trick.

2) Whole grain toast topped with natural nut butter with no added crap like sugar and junky oils. It should only have the nut and it's natural oils on the ingredient label, sometimes salt, but that is it! Watch for sugar, read labels! Top with banana and cinnamon sprinkled on top. Pair with a grapefruit, and you have a wholesome, well rounded breakfast to get you through the morning!

3) As I said above, any hot cereal with no added sugar is fine too.

4) If you enjoy eggs, an egg omelette with veggies is a good option.

One additional tip to offer you: be sure to include 10-15 grams of protein in your breakfast meal to keep blood sugar steady. This will assist you greatly in reducing sugar crashes and cravings. Include a little high quality protein into all meals and snacks- this is a rule of thumb I live by always.

I hope this helps get you started, and I promise you, if you stick to this no- sugar thing, you WILL feel amazing in so many ways! So if you feel called to partake on this journey, you will be rewarded with looking and feeling amazing!

If you need support, I can answer any questions on my Facebook page. Or book a session with me to assist you in healing any emotional connection or addiction to food.

Sugar free, and loving it so far! :)
Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com

Sugar-free for 30 days- DAY 1, week 1

When I was 12 years old, my beloved Grannie passed away prematurely from Diabetes complications after months of watching helplessly as my once vibrant and happy Grannie deteriorated to the point of hardly being able to feed herself, and my Mother has been insulin dependant and in poor health for many years, so because of my strong refusal to go down that path, I am determined to start a new legacy for me and my children. This is the biggest reason I am so careful and mindful about how much refined sugar I am consuming. I have such a passion and inner drive to be healthy, and intend to be around in healthy, vital body and mind, and be fit and able to be an active grandmother someday. Because I feel so strongly about taking control of my health, one of the things I stick to, is that  I NEVER use refined white sugar, and consider this to be pure poison! As a person who has struggled with sugar addiction since my teens, and struggled with binge eating around sugar, I am acutely aware of when I am going into that craving mode, when I feel like I NEED something sweet before I lose my mind. I now have more self- awareness, and tools, and life experience to pull myself out of this place, and know how to get back on track when I find myself experiencing intense cravings for sweets.

I have done extensive researched about the dangers of too much refined sugar in our diets, and how they are one of the main causes of obesity and many other health issues and disease, such as cancer. The health guideline suggested for adults and sugar consumption is 35 grams/day of added sugar, and half that amount for kids. Most people consume far above this recommended amount, sometimes even before lunch time!

So, my husband and I made an agreement to both go 30 days without sugar, as an experiment to see how we feel. His motivation is more about working to reach a fitness goal, my intention is to see if I can make myself feel even better than I already do, and try to cut the last little thread of sugar addiction I still struggle with.

Our simple, yet not easy to do, guidelines:

1. )Nothing processed that contains added sugar or any kind (agave included)- Stevia is ok.
2. )Fresh fruit is ok. Some say this is a no-no when you are detoxing from sugar, but there are so many health benefits to fruit, I am not cutting it out.
3. ) No alcohol (turns straight to sugar in the bloodstream!)
4. ) No white/refined flours (which is not a stretch for us as we only eat sprouted grain bread, but this limits things if we are grabbing something on the go, no coffee shop muffins, deli sandwiches or white of whole wheat products)



The truth is -Sugar is addictive. Once you have a little, your body craves more, and more over time. I have found this to be true for me, and countless others I have worked with. There are many great books and blogs all about the many harmful, and addictive qualities of sugar. A good place to start is here. Most people find, when they go a stretch of time detoxing from sugar, that they start to lose cravings for it, and when they do have it, are affected negatively from even small amounts. We build a tolerance to it over time, and become 'immune' to its noticeable effects on the mind and body.
 I encourage you to do your own research on this topic, and get informed.
This also goes for our kids! Most children consume WAY too much sugar between fruit juice, sweetened drinks, fake 'fruit snacks', granola bars and other pre-packaged, highly processed snack foods, sugar loaded cereals, flavoured yogurts, and the list goes on! As I said, do your own research, and you will be shocked at what you find. 

While I do my best to avoid sugar, I am still getting in in sneaky little ways throughout the day, and it all adds up very quickly. I use Stevia in most things that need a little sweetening, like my smoothies or chia pudding :) and have switched to using coconut palm sugar exclusively in all other things I make (this sugar is lowest on the glycemic index) but here are some ways I sugar has crept into my daily habits.

~ Morning coffee! I LOVE,  love, love, my morning coffee. It is something I look forward to every morning as part of my ritual. After I drop the kids off at school, I come home, have my coffee, do my morning reading, writing, and meditating, and look forward to this every day. But, I added about 1 tsp of coconut sugar, and use soy creamer (I am sensitive to dairy) which has added sugar in it too (1 gram of sugar per tablespoon) and I probably used 3-4 Tbs so add another 4 grams of sugar to the sugar I added. This is not a lot of sugar in itself, but this was the first thing that had to go while doing this challenge. I can not tolerate black coffee, or stevia in hot drinks (it's just not palatable) so this morning, not only am I going sugar-free, I am kicking the java too :(

~Protein bars. A few times a week, I would reach for a Vega Sport bar or some other 'nutrition bar' when I was on the go. While these are not the worst thing in the world to grab on the fly, they do contain around 14 plus grams of sugar. That is almost as much sugar as a candy bar! So, no more of those! I will be planning ahead and making trail mix to take with me instead to have with fresh fruit.

~Dark chocolate, and chocolate chips. I love dark, organic chocolate. I don't touch those other grocery store lineup display crappy fake chocolate ones with a 10 foot pole-ever. But dark chocolate is one of my trigger foods! :) While dark chocolate has very little sugar (when it's 70% or higher cocoa content) it does contain some. I have been known to eat most of a large bar in a day, again, it IS addictive!

~Baking. I bake so that I can control what I put into my recipes, and know that I am putting healthy recess snacks into my kids lunches. I exclusively use spelt or kamut flour, and small amounts of coconut palm sugar, but if I make a batch of cookies (another "trigger food" for me) I can easily eat 4 or 5 in a day. It is one of those foods that once I start, I have a hard time stopping at just one. While they are healthy with nuts and seeds, coconut oil and low in sugar, it is still sugar. So, Stevia baking it is for the month! We will see how this goes!

So, these are the areas I need to work on. Honestly I feel I am going to have the hardest time with skipping my morning coffee. I am quitting 2 of my addictions cold turkey! But, I am also excited to see where this leads me. I am going to blog about my experiences as I go along, and encourage you to consider 30 days going without sugar, and see how you feel. If I can be of assistance to you, please feel free to contact me.

Here are some great tips to get you started: 20-ways-to-get-sugar-out-of-your-life

Yours in vibrant health, and happiness,
Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com
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Are you in a toxic relationship?

* In most written material on abuse, the definitions of victim, abuser, and perpetrator are used- however I have chosen not to use this vocabulary as to not label someone as a victim/abuser. I believe we can all have the capacity and ability to change how we choose to be in this world, with new awareness and motivation to work through it.

 I have never written on this topic before, and it is something I feel so strongly about, but have felt hesitant to address in my writing because I like to focus on positive change, and happiness, and inspirational topics, and this topic can be a real downer. But today, I felt so strongly called to write about this, and my deepest hope is that my words will help anyone who may be in a toxic relationship of any kind.

After a lot of difficulty, deep inner work ,and learning to speak my truth little by little, I can safely say that at this point in my life, that I now have pretty healthy boundaries. I will not tolerate any type of abuse, mistreatment or disrespect in my life from anyone. I now keep my healthy boundaries with me wherever I go. This was not always the case, I have been on my own healing journey for many, many years in regards to teaching others how I want to be treated. I have held a lot of shame and embarrassment because of what I have experienced, and what I put up with in some of my relationships, and writing about it, is just another layer of my armor coming away. I have had to learn how to discern whether I am putting a protective wall up instead of my healthy boundaries in certain situations, as sometimes it can feel similar, but this is part of the process of learning how to stand up for myself, while still having an open heart and staying in a loving place within.

 While I have assisted people in my work and personal life going through abusive relationships, I feel ready to speak up about this important topic, because it is how I serve those who are suffering, and need to hear these words. It is how I assist in the healing of others who are experiencing these painful conditions and are in agonizing relationships that are slowly killing their souls. 

Most people can recognize when there is physical abuse happening in a relationship, because the one on the receiving end will have outer visible scars and bruises. This is clearly defined, and recognized as abuse in our society, and there is no grey area. Physical battery causing bodily harm to another is abuse, most will agree- no question. Usually (but not always) it is a male energy dominating the female energy, and seeking in gaining 'power over' someone weaker or more vulnerable- (here I will refer to the woman) helps the man feel more powerful and in control, when on the inside he is feeling exactly the opposite. Behind every abusive person (male and female), there are underlying feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, feelings of being out of control, and deeply rooted anger, that leaves the person feeling powerless, that usually stem from childhood trauma and unresolved hurts from the past. Physically abusive relationships are not something to be taken lightly. Every year so many women are killed senselessly at the hands of an abusive partner. If you are in an abusive relationship and are being physically harmed, seek professional help now.

Deeper scars the eye can not see

Another, less recognized form of abuse that is not as obvious- in society or by the individuals caught up in it- is emotional and verbal abuse. These forms of abuse are not as black and white as the more obvious form of physical abuse however; emotional and verbal abuse IS still abuse, and goes on in varying levels in many relationships to certain degrees. There is a spectrum in severity when this is occurring in intimate relationships, from mild and tolerable to debilitating and life-altering, for the person on the receiving end.

I want to touch on one important point on this subject. If you are experiencing any type of  hurtful treatment from anyone, intimate partner or otherwise, that feels wrong to you, know that you have the right to stand up for yourself and express how their behavior makes you feel. If you do your job in clearly setting your boundaries for how you wish to be treated, and the person refuses to honor and respect them, and you, and continues with the behavior you have asked them to stop, this is abusive behavior. The first time someone does something wrong is a mistake, the second, third, forth is a choice. You do not have to be physically harmed to be abused. In fact emotional and verbal forms can be just as, if not more, harmful psychologically than being hit or physically harmed.

 The bottom line is: If it feels wrong, if it feels painful, if it feels harmful and doesn't feel like love, it is not love. Love is supposed to feel good even when there are difficulties and challenges in every relationship. There should be a strong sense of feeling loved even during rough times. We should feel safe physically, and emotionally with the person, even if we are having a disagreement or differ in our views. There is a sense of security and safety present at all times in healthy relationships, where we feel we can be open and honest no matter what.

Start to notice how you feel in the presence of others, in this case your spouse or intimate partner. Do some people put a knot in your stomach when you are around them? Do you get headaches in the presence of a certain person? Anxiety, depression or obsessive compulsive behavior? Does it feel like something is just not right when you consider any of your most significant relationships? TRUST the feeling you get. Notice where you feel it in your body when you are with certain people. The body never lies.

For more reading on signs of emotional abuse, and action steps to take if you think you may be experiencing emotional abuse, please read this informative article. Signs of Emotional Abuse
Take this Quiz to see if emotional abuse is present in your intimate relationship.

The first step in dealing with toxic relationships, is awareness and recognizing when abuse is present. The silence needs to be broken. It is important to seek professional assistance if you are experiencing any type of abuse, having appropriate support from someone who understands, and is informed, about this topic is essential to recovering and healing from the effects.

If you need further support or would like someone to talk to, please contact me for a consultation.

If you are in a crisis situation or feel you are in any danger, contact the RCMP, or your local YMCA-Women's shelter immediately. There are safe houses available in every city, your local Y will have the contact information to direct you in the right place.

Yours in health and healing,

Leanne Oaten- Holistic Counsellor
Find me on Facebook
www.soulworkcounselling.com
(250)-319-3630 (feel free to leave a message on my confidential voice mail)

Sweet ways to use quinoa

I have been on a quinoa kick lately, and am experimenting with new ways to incorporate it into recipes. This little grain (which is actually a seed!) has a long list of nutrients, and health benefits as well as adding protein to whatever you are making. Have a pre-cooked batch all ready to go in the fridge to throw into whatever you are making. It keeps for 3-4 days in a sealed container.

I use it in place of rice with curries and stir-fry dishes, throw it in soups and stews, muffins, banana breads, and love it as a hot cereal in the morning.



Quinoa hot cereal

Quinoa Hot Cereal

Simply add cooked quinoa, chia seed, hemp seed, chopped nuts, and any non-dairy milk to a small pot. A dash of cinnamon, and nutmeg, a little vanilla, stevia or coconut palm sugar and heat. Add more milk after if you like. It is really delicious, and provides clean energy for the whole morning. 















Energy Protein Bars

Energy Bars

1/2 c.  dates (pitted and chopped)
1/2 c. pecans (or sub other nut)
1/2 c. cooked quinoa
2 Tb chia seed
2 Tb. hemp seed
1/2 c. nut butter
1 scoop protein powder
1/2 c. coconut
1/2. canned light coconut milk
1/4 c. agave nectar (or honey)
(optional) 1 scoop if good quality vegan protein powder mixed in with with the food processor ingredients.

Melted dark chocolate for top.

Combine dates, nuts, quinoa, chia and hemp seed and protein powder in food processor, and pulse until meal forms. Transfer to a med, bowl, and add coconut to this mixture

In small bowl combine nut butter, coconut milk, and agave nectar and whisk together.

Combine wet ingredients with meal and mix until dough forms.

Bake @ 350 F in a parchment paper lined baking pan, for 30-35 minutes.

Allow to cool completely and spread melted chocolate over the top, and place in fridge until it sets. Cut into bars and store in airtight container.


Both of these recipes are really delicious and nutritious. Enjoy!


~Leanne
Holistic Counsellor
www.soulworkcounselling.com