I have always been a person who thinks deeply, and considers others. Even in school when I witnessed the meanness that was going on around me with other girls, I would keep quiet, or I would say something to stand up for the ones being talked about behind their backs.
To this day, I stick very closely to this same belief, and know how being even slightly gossipy or
disloyal to another feels within me, so I choose every single day, and in every single moment to be as kind, loyal and true to myself, and real with others in all of my interactions and relationships.
I have learned some really big lessons this past year, and some of them were very difficult, painful and uncomfortable. I have learned that I must retreat, and take a mini break from my life during these times of deeper learning, to go within, and absorb the lessons.
1) Not everybody is going to behave the way that you do. Not everyone has the same love in their hearts, or sensitivity in their souls to have empathy and compassion, or appreciation for another. Not everyone is interested in self-reflection, and looking at their own behavior, or digging deep to learn how to be better and kinder to others. We all have our own shit, but we can always choose how much of that we are going to carry around with us in our life, and throw at others. We ALWAYS have a choice in how we treat others and how we are going to show up in the world. All we can do, is choose love and kindness in every situation we encounter, and especially love, kindness, compassion toward ourselves. How others treat us is their karma, how we respond is ours and is our responsibility- so let go of what others are doing or how they behave, and focus on your own inner growth instead. Use the poor behavior of others to ask "How can I use this to make ME even better?" Or " What am I learning in this situation?"
Remember this: how we treat others is usually how we treat ourselves. So be kind and love YOU, so you can be so full of love, that it just overflows into every area of your life.
2) You can not please everyone. It is not your responsibility to turn into a human pretzel or stand on your head to make everyone happy. When we are always trying to bend, twist, and give everything to others, we are often not putting ourselves into the equation. What do WE want? If we are spending all of our energies "people pleasing" where are we pleasing ourselves? We can get really lost and confused when we are focused on others, what they think and what they want, and lose sight of our own inner knowing, truth and desires. Stop trying to stand on your head for people who wouldn't even do a jumping jack for you. No matter how hard you try to appease others, they are still not going to be happy, and will always find something else to complain about. So best to focus inward, and please YOU, and make YOU happy.
"You will find that people will always have opinions about your decisions. Don't take it personally, it's simply because they're not courageous enough to take action in their own lives. Be a leader in YOUR life and pay no mind to those who lack the courage to do the same in theirs"---Steve Maraboli
3) We can not change others. We can only inspire others to be more, and be better, but in the end they decide if they are going to step up and make changes. Let go of judgments and trying to control others, and bring the focus back onto yourself. What can you work on? What is it about the others behavior that you can also see exists within you? Almost always, what drives us crazy about others, there is some element of that behavior that we can find within ourselves. Not always easy to look this honestly at ourselves, but what we can learn a lot from this practice. I a not saying that this is true in all circumstances, but try it out, and see what you discover about yourself.
4) Self-Awareness is the key to all other life transformation. In all of the above points, and anything else we do for our relationships, health, wellness, and eating habits, having a good relationship with our~ SELF is essential. If I am feeling agitated, angry, or activated by something someone else says or does, it is my job to pause, look inside, and see where this reaction is coming from- then decide how I will respond, rather than react in the moment. If I am reaching for the chocolate chip bag almost unconsciously, it is my job to pause and look inside to see what is going on emotionally, am I stressing or ruminating about something that is bothering me? Would a walk, meditation, talk with a friend, or a cup of tea be a better solution? We are always responsible for our own behavior no matter what is happening outside of us. That is where our true power lies- within.
5) Time passes. Life is change. Thinking too much is counterproductive. Learning to let go is never easy. We must feel our way through life, not think our way through life.
It is very difficult to let go, and flow with change. But what I do know, is that it is much easier to flow with the emotions that arise during these difficult transitions, than it is to fight them, and cling to the past, or hold so tightly we suffocate ourselves and others. We have one finite amount of time on this earth, in this body. Instead of cutting ourselves off from the pain, sadness or difficulty, it is better to feel our way through it. Allow ourselves to feel what is present. If we do not allow the emotions to flow, they become stuck and stagnant and create dis-ease within the body and mind. Take it moment to moment, day to day, and honor the process of life, and the inevitable changes that will occur. To feel is to be alive. When we are cut off and disconnected from ourselves and others, are we really living?
One theme you may have noticed here, is that all self mastery begins within us. We gain success in our lives by mastering the art of INNER~success. Once we are able to feel successful from within, it will be reflected in our outer world. Start looking inside yourself, and you will find all the answers you are looking for.
An amazing book I am reading right now that will assist you further in achieving true INNER~success: "Success Intelligence" by Robert Holden
Wishing you abundant inner~success!
Leanne
Leanne is a Holistic Counsellor & Soul-Centered Life Coach. She teaches regular classes and workshops related to whole being health, personal development and natural healing and offers one-to-one coaching programs in person, over the phone and Skype.
Visit: www.soulworkcounselling.com for upcoming events.
She can be reached at: 250-319-3630 | soulworkcounselling@yahoo.ca
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