Letting go~ and moving into the present moment

In pondering what to write about today, I came across this photo, which inspired this blog post.

Often when we are feeling weighed down by life, and feel stuck and unable to move forward, it means we need to assess areas that may need 'clearing', in order to move in to the present moment. We need to envision where we want to be, by visualizing in detail what we want in our lives, setting the intention and letting go, trusting and allowing the Universe to take care of the details. Have you ever allowed yourself to truly ponder the thought: What do I truly want for myself and my life?

I am asked often in my counselling practice, by clients, how to know what it is that is bringing them down, keeping them stuck, or preventing them from moving forward.Unfortunately, there is not a one line answer to this question, as connecting to these awareness-es looks different for everybody. Only YOU know what [or whom] is holding you back, weighing you down, draining your energy, making you sick, depressed or anxious.

Often times, this 'heaviness' is linked to the people in our lives. These can be family members, friends, co-workers, your spouse...anyone you come in to contact with that drains your positive energy, brings you down, cuts you down, complains, is un-supportive, makes you feel badly about yourself, throws insults, and so on. It is important to connect with your intuition here, your gut instinct and inner voice- and get clear about who these 'heavy' people are. Ask yourself these questions when you consider the people you are close with, or spend time with currently on a regular basis.
 Do you feel worse, or better after having spent time with this person? Does this person make you feel at ease, or on edge? Comfortable or on guard? What is their energy like? Heavy and toxic, or vibrant, positive and upbeat?

Once we become clearer about who these individuals are that suck the life out of us, then we can decide whether to cut them out of our life entirely, or just limit the amount of time spent around them. Sometimes, it means saying goodbye to relationships that no longer serve our Highest good.
It's also important to note that seeking out, and increasing time spent with people that choose to look at the bright side, are encouraging, supportive and a joy to be around is only going to improve your outlook in life, because we tend to take on the energies, viewpoints and thinking patterns of the company we keep! Something to be aware of for sure.

I must touch on this, although this could be a whole blog in itself. When looking at our current life circumstances, sometimes it is the way we are thinking and perceiving the situation that keeps things from moving forward. Our negative thinking patterns can most definitely weigh us down! If you have ever seen somebody (or know of somebody) that always looks unhappy, you can be almost sure they are not thinking good thoughts! They look heavy, like the weight of the world is on their shoulders, their energy is so heavy you can feel it. Thinking good thought makes you look good, and feel good! A positive mood shift is just one new thought away! When you think good thoughts, you radiate good vibes and attract more positive people and circumstances to you effortlessly.

Another area we can get bogged down with is unhealed pain from the past. This can be from childhood, adolescent years, all the way up to where we are at this point. Have you worked through the tough stuff by acknowledging it, working through it accepting it and letting it go? Have you forgiven those that have wronged you, hurt you, betrayed you, left you, violated you, taken advantage of you or abused you?
If the answer to this is no, then perhaps it is time to begin dealing with the unfinished business of the past, to fully move in to the present and look to the future. Once this 'stuff' has be processed and cleared, life is so much more beautiful and effortless!

Some ways to work through and release the weight of your past are: Talking to a qualified professional counsellor you trust- and are comfortable with, joining a support group that suits where you are in your life, talking to a few select friends you trust, journal-ling,  having a difficult conversion (s) with those that have hurt you, if it is possible, letter writing therapy, crying when you need to cry and acknowledging that you have the right to feel how you feel about whatever it is that has affected you so deeply.

 Simplified, the stages to healing are Acknowledgment (awareness), Processes-sing (working through) and  Acceptance of what happened, and  moving forward with the knowing that it all occurred to get you to where you are today, and has shaped the person you have become. The great news is that we can always CHOOSE to move into the present and not allow the past to define us today. Each day is a chance of renewal, change, and new choices. Choose to look at every day as a new beginning to make positive changes in your life. Seek out what makes your heart sing, and your soul fly. Choose to drop that which weighs you down and holds you back from living to your highest potential.



~Leanne

Developing skillful communication

Never underestimate the power of the spoken word.

Words have the power to inspire, uplift, encourage, comfort and validate.They also have the power to cause deep emotional pain and suffering and can cause profound psychological damage. We must choose our words wisely and be mindful of what comes out of our mouths.

 In Buddhist terms this is called "right speech" or "skillful speech" and has five marks: "It is speech that is timely, truthful, gentle, purposeful. and spoken with a mind of loving-kindness." 

Before you speak, first become aware of your intention for saying what you want to say. Focus on why you want to speak, and what you want to say, get connected to what is going on within. Are there negative or positive intentions? 

Use the THINK formula if in doubt: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

If everybody continually developed the skill of mindful speech, just imagine the ways in which things would change in the world we live in. Aside from looking at it from a Global perspective, how would using "skillful speech" affect your most important relationships? How would it improve your marriage? Your relationship with your children? Your friendships? How would it change how you relate to your co-workers and everyone else around you that you come into contact with? 

If we can stop in the face of conflict or a heated moment and check in with ourselves as to what we are feeling, and respond purposefully and mindfully, we avoid the tendency to react or say or do things we will later regret (and can not take back) that may offend another. The more we can develop the skill of pausing and thinking through our intentions, and what we really want to say to another, the less we will find ourselves in conflict situations.

If you would like to make some steps toward developing this skill, here are some ways you can get started:

• If you are in a conflict with another person (in the moment) and feel it getting heated STOP and take a time out. This takes a huge amount of self-control and is not always easy to do when you want to have the last word, but doing this allows for things to cool down so you can think through what you want to say. Come back to the conversation after the cooling off period, and speak about your own experience. Avoid using "you always", "you never" statements, and instead use assertive communication with this dialogue:  "I feel [ insert feeling] because [explain how you are being affected] what I really want to happen is [state your desired outcome] because [explain why this is important to you]

• Check in with yourself to see what your intentions are before you speak. If they are positive and come from a place of caring and love, say it. If they are to hurt, or insult or cause suffering, or bring someone else down-keep it to yourself! When our position is based on sound reasoning and logic we can speak quietly and calmly. If it is based on personal desire, then we will likely find ourselves raising our voice and becoming aggressive in our tone. If our point is well grounded there is no need for aggression or annoyance, and we are able to speak without offending the other person, or escalating the conflict.

• Stop and reflect on who owns what part of the situation. Ask yourself "what is my part in this?" and own up to it. In any situation, we always own a part of the problem.  It does no good to point fingers and place all the blame on another, because it takes two to tango!

• Let go of your attachment to a desired outcome. If you have something to say to someone, say it using the tips above, but with the intention to be heard and to say your piece, not to manipulate or control the others response or the outcome. All we can be responsible for is our own behavior, how the other responds is there own responsibility.

As you can see, speaking mindfully, with skill and calmness takes great practice and tremendous strength, and speaking harshly with aggression and hostility is a sign of weakness. It is easy to think that if you are yelling and pushing others around you are being 'tough' but in reality it takes great strength and skill to have control of the mind, and the spoken word. It doesn't happen overnight, but with the right intention and constant mindfulness it becomes easier with practice. Choose your words wisely, and the rest will follow!

Leanne

Stay healthy this coming flu season- Strengthen your Immune system!

September, and back-to-school brings more potential for illnesses and the spread and exposure of many different viruses along with it. Being indoors, and in confined areas for long periods of time (in classrooms for example) -where our kids pick up germs and bring them home- to us!- leads to an increase in illness over the Fall and Winter months. It may seem as thought there is nothing you can do about this, and some will say that kids need to get sick, and it is how they strengthen there immature immune systems. There is some truth to that, and of course, we can not prevent all illness completely; however we can improve the odds against scumming to the virus in the first place, by keeping our immune system humming and ready to fight the next cold, or flu virus that we are exposed to.

There is the theory that we are constantly exposed to many different viruses on a daily basis, and if our body is in balance- through taking proper care to stay healthy- we are better able to fight off the virus, or at least reduce the severity of the symptoms and duration if we do get sick. If we are out-of- balance, stressed, working too hard or too much, overexercising, under-exercising, eating junk food, and not taking time for relaxation and enjoyment, we become run down and more susceptible to getting sick. If we make it a top priority take good are ourselves, illness becomes a rare occurrence. I have seen this be proved true, by making some changes in our family lifestyle, and am happy to say, we rarely get sick in our house, compared to past years when it seemed like we were passing different viruses around to each other every month.

Here are some tips I believe contribute to a healthy immune system. If any of these suggestions jump out at you, it's worth a try to see if it works! Keep in mind, most of these tips apply to children and teens as well.
Note: These suggestions are based on my personal experience and opinions and should not be taken as medical advice. Talk to your healthcare professional before making any changes to your current health regime.


1) What you put in your body:  Eat a low sugar, low junk (processed) food diet. Increase your fruit and vegetable intake. Drink lots of purified water throughout the day, and snack on healthy foods such as raw nuts and seeds. Just minimizing the processed sugar- loaded foods and beverages in your diet can make a huge difference in your health, and immune system function!

Supplements that strengthen immune function: (this is only a small list, there are endless options available,  but I find sticking to a few good ones, taken daily, works best and keeps it simple)

Vitamin C (kids can take chew-able tablets) I highly recommend any of the books listed here if you want to learn how vitamins can help keep you healthy: http://www.doctoryourself.com/vitamincure.html
Vitamin D3 (I take 5000IU / day, but talk to your physician or a Naturopath about what is right for you)
Moducare (available at health food stores) is a plant sterol that claims to strengthen immune function and reduce allergy symptoms.
Multi-Vitamin Find a good brand without fillers and synthetic ingredients.
Acidophilus- Keeps healthy bacteria in balance in the gut.
Healthy Fats: There are many versions and ways to get these healthy fats. A fish oil supplement is one of the best, but there are lots of plant based products available as well.




2) How much you move your body: Our bodies are meant to be active, not sitting in a chair all day long. Find chunks of time throughout your day to move your body. Go for a walk, stretch, do housework, take the stairs, park 2 blocks away from your destination and walk briskly to and from, take a class. Of course a structured work out routine is encouraged. Aim for a minimum of 30 minutes 5 days/ week. It all adds up. If you have a busy day, do a higher intensity session for 20 minutes, then fit in a brisk walk for 10-15 minutes after dinner! If you make it a priority, you will always find a way to fit it in.

3) What you put in your mind: Try to stay positive, and be around uplifting, positive people. Being in a constant state of negativity creates an imbalance in the body which weakens the immune system. Think good thoughts, speak positive words and surround yourself with others who do the same. Try to set an example for your children by showing them how to look for the bright side in every situation.

4) How you manage stress and balance your life: Make time every
 day to do something relaxing or enjoyable. Balance your life so that you are not focusing too much on one aspect. Balancing work, family, self-care, time with friends, and time alone is so important to overall health and well-being. Being overwhelmed all the time is no way to live life...make yourself a priority, because likely nobody else is going to!

5) How much you sleep: Aim to get 7-8 hours every night. I am sure you already know this one, but just wanted to include it because it is so important. If you are feeling wired at bedtime and can't settle down, (even with good "sleep hygiene" practices) talk to your doctor about taking Melatonin to help make you sleepy. It is safer than taking a prescribed sleeping pill, and is non-habit forming.

And obviously, proper and regular hand washing is a must! Teach your kids to wash before every meal, and especially right when they get home from school.

Incorporating some or all of these suggestions into your family life will improve your overall well-being that goes far beyond a healthy immune system. As I always say, when the body is in balance, everything flows beautifully and almost effortlessly.

Have an awesome healthy week!

Leanne

An effective tool for weight loss: Using "My Fitness Pal" as a tool to get healthy

Counting calories....for many people, just the idea of this creates anxiety! I have mixed views on using this approach, however; the most widely known, and most used 'rule of thumb' used by fitness trainers for weight/fat loss- is that to lose weight and inches, you must burn more calories everyday than you consume.

I always found the idea of counting calories, fat grams, protein etc. to be way too daunting and complicated.    so I rebelled and refused to do it...until I came across My Fitness Pal http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
It is a great tool for tracking your food intake and exercise..and, the best part? It's totally FREE!

Using this online database, you can log what you eat (most foods are already in there, and if not you can add it to your list yourself) as well as any physical activity (type, minutes) right from your smartphone or computer, and keep an accurate readout of where you are at. You get to decide how you are going to use those calories, and when you enter in your daily exercise, it allows for more calories to be consumed.
Using MFP is a wonderful way to gain awareness of how many calories are being consumed in a day, in ratio to physical activity, and can be a real eye opener! (Or a smack in the face, I'm not gonna lie!).
 Most people underestimate how many calories they consume in a day, and it is a factor in why so many people are overweight and obese. Too many calories in, not enough exercise= fat/weight gain.

Now, here is where I caution you when you are keeping track of your caloric intake. Please, do not obsess over it! Seriously, it can become a type of addiction, or obsession that can lead to disordered eating patterns for some people. If  you use this tool, in conjunction with other healthy living practices it will serve you well. If you go to the extreme side, and fixate on how many calories is in every bite you are putting in your mouth, and have the compulsive need to go run off the meal you just ate...that is when unhealthy behavior has taken over. Also keep in mind, it is the quality of the calories you are putting in your body that are most important. One Mc D's roll through the drive-thru, and you could use up most, if not all of you total calories for the day right there.

Using this tool will help you develop more awareness of what you are putting in your body...and overtime you will start to want to make better choices as you go along, and see progress!

Being someone that knows, from personal experience, about obsessing over food, I know how easy it can be to go 'off the rails' and find yourself consumed with counting calories, exercising, eating the perfect diet 24/7 and experiencing the heavy feeling of guilt when a 'forbidden food'  is eaten. Been there, done that!

 Here are some tidbits for you to keep in mind as you work towards your goals:

1)   Eat for nourishment and energy. Eating for any other reasons, and likely you are using food to numb emotional pain or uncomfortable feelings. See this blog for more on this subject. http://healthyvibe1977.blogspot.ca/2012/08/freedom-from-emotional-eating.html

2) Tell the voice in the head to take a hike! If you want to have dessert once in awhile, or a little (reasonable) treat every day- go for it, and don't allow the feelings of guilt consume you. Remember, it's what you do MOST OF THE TIME that really counts. My favorite indulgence is a few squares of 70% dark chocolate, and I have that most days of the week.

3) Be kind to yourself. Realize that bringing awareness to your eating habits takes courage. Deep change is very hard work, but remember that you are way ahead of everyone else who isn't even trying! So keep moving forward and you will succeed!

4) Do your best to eat lots of veggies, and one serving of greens everyday- doing this one thing will improve your health immensely, you will feel amazing! Buy organic as much as possible.

5) You can't out-exercise a bad diet..sorry to have to tell you this but if you eat fast food, lots of sugar and processed food, doughnuts, white flour (what I call crap food) on a regular basis, no amount of reasonable exercise is going to get you to your goal. Using the MFP tool, you will quickly see that as you track your daily activity and food choices.

6) Become aware of how certain foods make you feel. If you know downing a sugar loaded pop and doughnuts make you feel awful, sluggish, headache and down in the dumps...remember that feeling when you go for it the next time. Sometimes just connecting to the way foods make us feel, guides us to make better decisions the next time. Focus on eating foods that make you feel good.

I'd love to hear from you about how the MFP tool has helped you if you are already using it, and what you think of it.

~Leanne

Creating a Beautiful Life

Creating a beautiful life requires constant refining and re-defining what you want and no longer want in your life. 

From the "Law of Increase" perspective, we focus on what is going well, what we appreciate about our lives right now, in order to receive more good. However, sometimes we do need to let go of certain relationships, situations, or lifestyle habits that are no longer serving our highest good. Sometimes we think that we must tolerate certain things or people in our lives, because we have no choice. But we always have a choice to improve our lives. Sometimes it is limiting time we spend with people who are negative or that drag us down. Maybe we are on a healthy lifestyle journey, or giving up an addiction and being around others that are not on the same path is not working for us any longer.

Here is an exercise you can do as often as you like, I recommend refining and revising this list regularly.

Sit some place quiet with a pen and paper (or a journal) and think about aspects of your life that have a certain heaviness for you, or that have a sense of dread or anxiety attached to them. This can be people, circumstances, routines etc.

Here are some examples to get the thoughts flowing...some of these may fit for you.

Things I will no longer tolerate in my life:

-Negative people that drag me down
-Thinking negative thoughts
- Others crossing my boundaries
-Being around others that affect me in a negative way
-Gossip
- Abuse of any kind
-Rudeness or disrespect from others
-Unfulfilling relationships
-Being "guilt-ed" into doing things I do not want to do
....how many can you come up with?

After you have completed this 'consciousness cleansing' it is nice to end it on a positive note, reaffirming what we do want in our lives to replace these things that are not working for us any more.

To manifest these desires, focus must  on be placed on positive, uplifting thoughts, and always choose to focus on what you WANT more of in your life, not what you DO NOT want in your life...make sense?

Now, write another list titled "I now choose to"...

-See the beauty all around me
- be grateful and appreciate all the good I have in my life
-Speak my truth and not allow my fear of others reaction to keep from doing so.
-Give my best to all of my meaningful relationships
- Eat healthy foods more often
- Treat my body with respect
-Exercise regulary in ways I enjoy
-Love myself unconditionally
- Look for the bright side in any situation
-Think thoughts that make me feel good

How was that? Enlightening? Did you come up with any new awareness's or revelations? This simple exercise, if done regularly will help you get clear on the direction you are choosing to travel. Life is all about choices, and we have to choose based on what is best for us, and our growth process. Liberating isn't it?

~Leanne

Freedom from Emotional Eating

NOTE: This article only touches on disordered and emotional eating and the forms it can enter a person's life, and is not to be taken as medical advice, or to replace a doctors advice.

In my Holistic Counselling practice, I help many women work through their emotional/disordered eating, and unhealthy connections to food. There is a misconception in society that to have an "eating disorder" a person either has to either starve themselves to a dangerously low weight (Anorexia), or force themselves to purge (vomit) after a binge eating episode (Bulimia). For some, this is the case, or they go back and forth between the two extremes. In others, disordered eating can look like binge eating episodes (without vomiting) -to the point of feeling sick -every day after work, or after a stressful event, and they then might deprive themselves of the next meal or snack as a form of self punishment.

Another, less commonly known, eating disorder coined "Orthorexia" manifests itself in an obsession with eating only pure, healthy, clean, organic foods to the extreme a person will not eat unless these foods are available. (There are books written on this subject, so please research further if you think this might be posing a problem in your life.)

This leads to my topic for this article..Emotional Eating. When the root cause of disordered eating is targeted, there is always a deep emotional component that must be addresses for true healing to occur. Working with a professional Counsellor is one way to work through these issues, as is reading books and attending support groups. The key to remember, it is your relationship with food that determines disordered eating. Emotional eating (eating when not hungry for various reasons essentially) is a more commonly known problem that I will offer tips on in this article

Tips to Heal and Curb Emotional Eating:

1) Pay attention to your hunger signals and eat regularly throughout the day: 

Eat only when you are truly hungry (your tummy is growling) but do not wait until you are famished to the point you are lightheaded, as this can lead to overeating. A general guideline I recommend is to eat every 3 hours. Do not go longer than that between snacks/meals as it can lead to low blood sugar, and urges to reach for sugar or unhealthy refines carbs.
Have 3 meals, and 3 small power snacks a day. All containing protein, carbohydrates, and healthy fats. For example: A typical day might look like this:
Breakfast at 7a.m
Power snack at 10am,
Lunch 12:00,
Power snack at 3pm
Dinner at 5 or 6 pm.
 To clarify, I am not suggesting to ignore your hunger. Instead, listen to your body, and if you are truly hungry, have something nutritious to sustain you until your next eating time. The idea is to fuel your body regularly throughout the day to keep your blood-sugar steady. But do not fixate too much on a certain schedule. This is only a suggested guideline.

2) Make a list of Healthful foods you enjoy eating and that make you feel good.

Post this list on your fridge to refer to when you are stressed and off balance, and are unsure of what to eat.

3) Be mindful and tune in
Before you reach for something to eat, tune in and ask yourself first "Am I truly hungry, or just bored, stressed, lonely, sad, anxious? "What am I feeling right now?" If you are truly hungry reach for something from your list, if it is one of the above have a drink of water, make tea, go for a walk, work out, call a friend, read a book, write in a journal, or anything self nurturing that moves you into a healthier direction.

4) Let go of the need to control
Decide today, to let go of the struggle with food. Underlying disordered eating of any kind, is the underlying need for control. There is much more to life than what we eat; however we need food to sustain and fuel our bodies efficiently. Make the best, healthful food choices you can in each moment. If you fall away from this and have treats and less that nutritious food sometimes- IT'S OK! Yes, that's right..it is OK to allow for indulgences. It's what you do most of the time that counts.
Try this formula:

80% of the time eat "Real food" closest to how nature makes it: Fruits, veggies, whole grains, legumes, eggs, nuts, seeds, lean meats.
10% I know it's not the best but it won't kill me (processed foods for example)
10% Indulgences (a glass of wine with dinner, a small dessert, a few squares of dark chocolate)

If you fall off your goal plan for a day or two, and have too many "indulgences" don't beat yourself up! Tomorrow is a new day, you can begin again. Remember change is a process. Learning new ways to make yourself feel better without food is not easy if you have an emotional connection to eating, but it is doable. You have the power within you to make these changes. Never give up! Surround yourself with supportive people who share similar goals and want to live a healthy lifestyle.

This is one of my favorite quotes on this topic:
"Eat to Live, Don't Live to Eat"

 Here is an interview with Dr. Roger Gould, author of "Shrink Yourself" discussing emotional eating.

 http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=2766217n

Until next time, live life fully and choose happiness!

~Leanne Oaten
http://soulworkcounselling.com/

Living Gluten-free

There is a growing movement toward a gluten-free diet, and the reasons for that are either due to a lifestyle choice, or an intolerance or full blown allergy to wheat. A more serious condition is called Celiac disease, where eating gluten causes severe negative health consequences. Here is a link explaining symptoms of this intolerance or allergy:  http://www.wheatintolerance.org/

For me, I have a mostly gluten free diet and have learned to live without bread products for many years, and do not miss it at all. For the rest of my family, I buy the sprouted grain organic breads, or Ezekiel breads that are available in most stores, as the sprouted grain variety is less refined, and more nutritious- if you do not have issues with eating gluten/wheat, this is a better choice than the breads made with refined, overly processed flour and added preservatives.

 Going gluten-free can be a challenging transition for some who are used to eating bread/wheat products everyday, but those who change their diets to exclude it, will tell you it changed their life, and cured many different health afflictions and gastrointestinal problems. Here is a fabulous book on the subject, called : "The Wheat Belly", I highly recommend this book to anyone suspecting wheat and gluten may be causing them health problems :http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11505008-wheat-belly

Here is one of my favorite muffin recipes I have perfected over time- seriously- D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S! My kids LOVE them..they are gone in the same day I bake them. And they are healthy!

                                                            Chocolate Banana Muffins

1 Cup Almond flour *
1Cup Bob's Red Mill Gluten free Flour mix (available in most grocery and health food stores) *
1/2 Cup Cocoa powder
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
3 ripe bananas
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup coconut oil


Sift the cocoa powder and gluten free flour mix and baking soda into a large bowl (the flour tends to clump so it's good to get it all smoothed out before adding the wet ingredients) then add the rest of the dry ingredients and stir well to combine.

In a Vitamix or other blender throw in the last 4 ingredients, and blend on LOW so it forms a puree, and is well combined. Add this to the dry bowl and mix well. Divide evenly in a 12 muffin tin pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes. Makes 12 muffins..enjoy!

*If there is a nut allergy in the family, you can replace the almond flour with the gluten free mix. I like almond flour because it adds a bit of protein and reduces the carbohydrate content. Alternatively, you can use all almond flour, however it produces a heavier more dense muffin..but is still really good!