Healing through Self~LOVE
The true path to personal transformation
Self love is extending to our~SELF,
the same kind of love
and caring we would to a loved one, child or friend
who is hurting or upset.
I refer to this often as an essential component to all healing during my work with others, and make sure to practice it myself on a daily basis.
Self love is the foundation, and main ingredient to all other personal growth work and healing.
It is essential to have a strong sense of love for yourself, before you can ever extend it to others, and heal what is broken within.
Most of us will easily and effortlessly offer love, support, comfort, and validation to others who are hurting or afraid- it just comes naturally- but when we ourselves are feeling an emotion that doesn't feel good, or that we wish to not be feeling, or we are having feelings of not being good enough, looking good enough, feeling energetic enough, popular enough, and so on, we abuse ourselves with the thoughts we think- and the way we speak to ourselves.
Do any of these sound familiar?
"What is wrong with me, why am I so anxious all the time?", "oh yuck, look at my {insert body part} I look disgusting", "I am so stupid!", "I can't do anything right", "nobody likes me", "I look terrible today", and on and on it goes, in a steady stream of self- abuse, repeatedly throughout the day.
These kinds of thoughts are the opposite of self~loving, they are self~loathing. So think about it from the perspective I mentioned before about how you respond to a friend who was upset about something, or just feeling sad and in a funk. Would you respond with a hurtful, criticism or insult? Of course you wouldn't- or you likely would not have many friends! Likely you would make her a cup of tea, tell her to sit down and listen to the hurt and pain she is expressing. You would offer her comfort and acceptance, and honor however she is feeling in the moment. You would let her cry, and tell her it's going to be ok.
Love yourself as you would love your best friend.
So why is it that we treat ourselves so poorly? Most of the time, it comes from messages we were given as children by our caregivers, parents, relatives and siblings, that we bought in to, and have continued to believe are true. Now those 'voices' are continually playing in the mind like an old tape, replaying the same messages of why we aren't good enough.( If you want to dig a little deeper here, you can even ask when you catch yourself running these negative messages go through your mind, "who's voice do I hear?" and most of the time, the answer will appear. It will most often be a parent or or other significant caregiver who comes into awareness.)
The first step in developing self~love is awareness. Start by becoming aware of how many unloving thoughts you think about yourself, and the hateful ways you speak to yourself. You will be shocked I am sure. If you are feeling really daring, decide to record all your negative thoughts for one whole day in a notebook- then reflect on how badly you treat yourself when you re-read what you wrote. This exercise is a huge eye-opener so get ready to get real! Then after you see how mean you have been- apologize to the little child within that may still need healing and love- that you have continued to abuse her with your thoughts and behavior. This is deep work, and may cause some intense emotions. Let them surface feel them, release them and let them go.
Decide today you will no longer treat yourself badly!
The next time you catch yourself thinking an unloving thought, STOP and affirm a more self ~LOVING one. The next time you are feeling sad or upset, make yourself a cup of tea, sit on the couch and have a good cry. Tell your self every single day "I love me!" and eventually you will start acting in ways that make it a reality!
~Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com
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