Being a personal expansion and growth seeker, I absolutely adore, and devour everything written or spoken by brilliant authors and inspirational people, and have since the age of 15. It always seems that right when I am ready to tackle another layer of my growth and healing, the right people show up, and the perfect books fall into my hands, almost effortlessly. It has always been like this for me.
The work that I do, is an extension of who I am, and what I am passionate about. Helping people through their time of suffering, assisting them in their own healing, and hopefully inspiring others through my writing, talks, workshops, and service to the community, is why I do what I do. I aspire to be one of those inspiration people, that I have for so long sought after, to help guide me through the dark and ugly places I have been in my life.
While I have attained the education required, to be a "professional counsellor" I also know that my power to inspire, teach and lead, is not so much in the academics and certifications I have received, but in the leading by example for others to see. Being the model for growth, by doing the work, reading, learning, healing myself first, so I can then help others do the same. It is finding my own way to coach and counsel clients, that are at times, outside of the box.
As registered counsellors, we have a very clear set of rules we must follow in our"code of ethics", and we agree to follow these ethics for the protection of ourselves, as well as our clients. Many of the ethical standards we follow are sound, and make sense to keep healthy boundaries with clients, and we model this behavior to teach our clients what personal boundaries look like.
While I agree there needs to be certain guidelines in place when we are doing such delicate work, serving people sometimes when they are at their most vulnerable and broken state, we also need to listen to our intuition. Asking, "what does this person most need to hear right now?" At times, we must break the rule of "not sharing any personal stories or information with a client." This person may need to be assured they are not alone in their struggles, that there is hope, and we are ALL perfectly imperfect, winging it in this life! Counsellors are human beings too, we have struggles, pain and suffering just like everyone else. The truth is, we also need to see a counsellor from time to time, to continually work through our own processes.
There is no shame in reaching out for help. Asking for, and reaching out for support and help is a sign of strength. It takes courage to face your own demons. Your own ego, your own shit.
One of the agreements of our "code of ethics" is "no physical contact" with a client. A hand on the knee of someone crying, or a hug could be taken the wrong way, or may offend the client. At first, when I was in my training, I was all about boundaries, and drawing lines in the sand, so this made sense to me. But as I grow, and evolve into my own vulnerability, and learn to really empathize with anothers pain, I let my own guard down, and be what others need me to be in the moment. This allows space for the person to then let their own guard down, and feel safe to practice being vulnerable. Now, if someone extends a hug, I openly receive this exchange knowing it is only an exchange of love and appreciation. I do not worry about boundaries, or rules not being followed. I use my inner knowing, while still keeping healthy boundaries.
We are all connected, but the sad thing is that at the same time, we are all so very disconnected.
Texting has taken the place of picking up the phone, and phone calls have taken the place of person to person contact, and person to person contact has been replaced by Facebook, and Skype. Much of this is just the reality for most of us, life gets busy, friends and family move away, so these other forms of communication are the only means to stay in contact. But my point here is that we have all lost our connection to one another. Looking into the eyes of another, really truly listening to them speak, laughing together, a hug to ease anothers pain- this is what it means to be human, and connect with one another.
Many of us were raised deprived of physical touch. We see it as weakness to be vulnerable and open. We are uncomfortable with being transparent and giving and receiving physical touch. The only way out of this, is through it. Start showing the world the real, true authentic you! Hug even when it feels uncomfortable, reach out and touch someone- you never know what difference you will make by sharing your love with others. You may just turn someones day around!
I recently became aware of the work of Brene Brown, and am currently reading her book "The Gifts of Imperfection". Lastnight I watched her TEDX talks, which I loved, and they inspired this post!
4 points I took away from watching these videos are this:
Vulnerability is Courage!
1. Vulnerability is perceived by most of the world as weakness. But in fact, it is a sign of strength to be vulnerable. To be fearless in showing the wold the real you, and not feeling ashamed of who you are takes great inner strength and tremendous courage. A person that can be really open and vulnerable with another has done a lot of personal work to get there.
2. Shame & Guilt are 2 of the most toxic emotions. As Brene puts it "Shame is the swamp-land of the soul"
There is a direct link to feelings of shame and conditions and behaviors such as depression, anxiety, bullying, and eating disorders.
Shame says : "I am not good enough", "nothing I do is ever good enough", "I will never measure up" "who do you think you are to be happy, successful, wealthy, healthy, to make good money doing what you love, to be beautiful?", "I am bad" "If others knew who I really am they would run for the hills"
Guilt says: "I shouldn't have", "I should have" "I wish I didn't.." "I did something bad"
The biggest distinction between Shame & Guilt:
Guilt: I did something bad
Shame: " I am bad"
See the difference?
3. Lean into the discomfort:
Being vulnerable, real and transparent with others is not always comfortable. It is not always easy. But the only way to build connection and love with others is to move through, and lean into the discomfort. Not run from it! It gets easier the more practice it.
4. Know that YOU are worthy of love, connection and belonging:
Post this affirmation around places you can read often:
I {insert your name} am worthy of love, connection and belonging. Everything I have to offer is more than enough. I am good enough just as I am. I love myself unconditionally.
Write this affirmation out 10x, everyday. Sit quietly and listen for the messages you receive when you affirm this to yourself. Is there resistance? Discomfort? Sadness? Sit with whatever is there, feel it, honor it. Allow these words to permeate your soul. They will become your reality, the more you repeat them through writing and saying them.
Wishing you lots of experiences to practice being vulnerable!
Please view my website for details of my upcoming workshop "Healing Depression from Within"
~Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com
250-319-3630
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