"Out of 100 lies we speak only 10 lies we speak outside, the other 90 we are speaking to ourselves, about ourselves. ..the wise words of Madhuji Sri, one of my spiritual mentors, as he taught this lesson recently to our Healing Beings team, about living in truth. I found this statement so profound, it has stuck with me ever since I heard those words. I have been contemplating what this means in my life, and have been really reflecting on how I am doing so far, in my desire to live a life of truth, with myself, and the world.
Give this some thought...how honest are you being with YOU about your life, and what you want? How happy you really are with your life? The state of your marriage? The state of your health? How many times a day do you tell yourself little and big lies, to avoid having to deal with the truth because the truth seems so impossible, to difficult to live by? Or, perhaps because there is underlying shame or guilt that is way too uncomfortable to feel when we acknowledge our truth, so we lie to avoid it.
If you were to really, truly look at the truth, and be honest with yourself, what would that mean for you or others in your life if you started getting ruthlessly real? What would need to change?
We could continue for the duration of our lives, lying to ourselves, and nobody would likely ever know. Nobody that is, accept ourselves. We know, our soul knows, our body knows. The lies we tell ourselves, have an affect on our mental, physical, and emotional health, and well-being, because we are always at war within. We are suppressing, and distracting, and avoiding the truth about how we really feel, which puts the body in a constant state of stress. We are terrified of showing the world our true nature, our true selves.
Lies we tell ourselves, and others......
I remember a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago when our children were really little, about being a stay-at-home mom. We were (sort of but not really) joking around about counting down the minutes until we could have a glass (or two) of wine at the end of each day just to unwind our frazzled nerves . We talked about how painfully difficult some of those long days were, feeling trapped in the house with a colicky baby or sick and tired children, all while being extremely sleep deprived and burned out, were some of the most difficult days we had ever had. We wondered what was wrong with us, and how some parents just seem to have it all figured out, have it all together, with perfectly dressed kids, a perfectly clean house, all while working a full time job, among many other things, all done with a smile on their face, seemingly as if having children didn't affect how they lived their lives at all.
I feel safe in saying that many parents feel too afraid to have this kind of conversation with others, about the realities of parenting. We don't want to come across like we don't love our children with our whole hearts, or to be perceived as a 'bad parent'. So, instead we exhaust ourselves trying to keep up appearances that all is perfectly wonderful, when in reality, we are just barely keeping it all together. I know this, because I was one of those Moms, and I felt like such a failure for so many years, because I could barely keep up with my responsibilities. But now that I can get real about what parenting young kids was (and sometimes still is) like for me, others open up to me, and hopefully feel assured that they are not alone, and are not bad Moms for feeling this way.
As parents, we must have a deep appreciation and gratitude for every single day we have with our children. They truly are a gift and a blessing, and we wouldn't trade having them for anything in the world. But the truth is, being real about how difficult it can be, or how some days we wish we could run away for awhile, and be all alone somewhere really, really quiet, and just have a break from the world and our responsibilities, does not make us a bad parent- it makes us human!
So, I invite you to ask yourself what needs to change in your life. What do you need to get real with yourself and others about? What masks and cover-ups do you wear around certain people, but not others? Do you change these 'masks' to fit the image you are trying so hard to portray to certain people? And if so, what fear is behind those masks? What are you terrified that others will know about you?
Part of healing, growing and evolving, is getting real.
Getting real with self, and with others, and speaking the truth about ourselves, to ourselves.
It is so sad to really consider, that most of us, if not the entire human race, has some form of self-rejection going on in their lives, or at least has had some past experience with it.
Rejection of self, is basically self- hatred, and self- loathing. It is feeling that something within us is so damaged, flawed, wrong, broken and bad, that we feel we have to lie, fake, and cover up who we truly are, and how we truly feel, because we are terrified that if others knew the truth, they would run for the hills.
The truth is though, we are our own worst critic. We judge the shit out of ourselves, and continually abuse ourselves with our brutal self talk, and distorted self-perceptions.
What is the point of living, if not living in truth, and authenticity? If we are not living authentically, are we truly living? Why do we sell ourselves out? Sell ourselves short? Think so little of who we are, that we feel we have to cover up our true nature?
Why not get real, and start saying what we want to say, doing more of what we truly want to do, and get really brutally honest with ourselves, and start living a life of truth?
Here's an exercise to get you started: Get quiet, without interruption, and sit with the question "in what ways, and with whom am I being dishonest?" "what masks do I wear, and with whom?", "in what ways am I not being real, and authentic with myself, and the world?"... and just sit and listen for the answers. If you sit and are quiet for long enough, answers will come to you.
Awareness is the first step to any growth or change, after that, comes the acceptance and forgiveness (of self) and release of self-judgment, and shame. Just accept and forgive yourself for these lies. You are not a bad person. Now that you know better, you can do better. Love yourself, have compassion for yourself, and for why you felt the need to be dishonest with yourself (or others.)
The next step would be to ACT. Take action to right these lies. If there is an action to take, what might that be? Whatever you feel is right to do, act on that intuition.
Living a life of truth is so much easier, and so much more fulfilling and beautiful, then trying to make up who you actually are. Being truthful allows life to flow more with ease. So start becoming more aware of those little lies you whisper to yourself, and the un-truths you tell others, and shine light on your truth, and authentic self.
~Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com
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