The Art of Conscious Parenting: 3 toxic parenting beliefs and how to reverse them

Do you ever feel like you can problem solve almost every area of your life, but when it comes to parenting feel like you don't have a clue what you are doing? Just when you get over one hurdle, or developmental stage or think you have it figured out, the game changes. Then before you know it, adolescence sneaks up on you, and next comes raising a teenager which is a whole other story. I think the most stressful time, even with the sleepless nights and endless feeding and diaper changes of the infant stage, was raising my teenage son. I have often felt like I have no idea how to handle certain aspects of balancing setting limits with allowing him to spread his wings and make some of his own choices. And I probably made some mistakes with him, and will continue to make mistakes with my children as long as I live. But the one thing I have always used as my parenting inner- guidance system is to ask myself at the end of the day- did I do my best to love?

In my practice working with clients, I have the advantage of learning and observing what the after effects of unconscious parenting can be in adult life. I work with people as they grapple and unravel the messages they received,  and things their parents used to say, and how they were treated as children and I am starting to observe a real pattern of certain parenting behaviors during my work with people, that seem to create the most damage into adulthood. I will cover 3 big toxic parenting beliefs, and follow with a conscious parenting alternative to each in this blog.

The truth in parenting is that as much as we love our children to the depths of our soul, we are often operating from our fear place in our discipline and parenting - fear of what might happen if a certain behavior continues, fear of what kind of person our child will be if we let certain behaviors slide, fear of what other people might think, fear they will make the same mistakes as we feel we made, and so on. I think many parents are in the same boat, we are all just winging it trying to do the best we can, taking it day by day. What works for one child likely won't work for your others . It is an art that we master as we go along.

There is a lot of parenting advice out there, and an overwhelming amount of parenting books at our fingertips, and as a parent of 3 children I know I have felt really overwhelmed and confused much of the time as to what really is the most important thing to focus on when it comes to parenting. I have read countless parenting books over the course of my 17 years of parenting, and much of the advice out there really didn't resonate with  me. The crying it out method tortured my soul, time outs made me feel like I was abandoning my child, and the reward charts and systems just never seemed to stick. I will share with you what I feel are universal principles we can all practice no matter what the age and stage in this article. I hope you can take away at least one piece of new information and inspiration and use it for the good of your family. Here are 3 areas to focus on to get you started on a more holistic approach to parenting:

1) Toxic Parenting belief: " Children should be seen not heard" " my child should do as I say not what I do, "children need to do as they are told even if it feels wrong to them" " I know better about what my child need than he does"
Know your core values- and the ones you want to instill in your child For me the most important core values I want to instill in my children are my guiding post to how I parent them. I want to raise them to be thinkers, feelers, and believers. To know that their thoughts are powerful and that their body 'speaks' to them through physical sensations and feelings. I teach them about intuition, and listening to their body when it comes to being in certain situations, and when they eat certain foods -  I will often say "how does it feel in your body?" and they are already learning how to discern what to eat even when I am not with them. At birthday parties they will often tell me they only ate a few bites of cake because it started to make the feel sick. Or that they ate extra vegetables with their pizza lunch. I teach them that it is all about balance and being mindful of what they put in their bodies. And I am also very careful to practice what I teach. They see me living in this way, so we always have an open dialogue about it.

2) Toxic Parenting Belief: "My child should stop crying and fussing when I tell her to", "I have to toughen my child up so he/she is not such a wimp", "My child shouldn't be upset", "children cry just to get attention"

Teach them that it is healthy to feel their feelings (including boys!)
Teaching our children from an early age, that it is healthy and necessary to feel their emotions, to cry and to express their feelings, worries or concerns to someone they trust, and to listen to their heart when they are torn about making a certain decisions is a life skill that will serve them greatly for the rest of their lives. If they are unsure about something, which friends party to go to, whether they want to stay at home or go camping with Dad, or what dance class they want to take, I will ask them "what does your heart say"? and they always get an answer. All the mental chatter or anxiety they are expressing melts away almost instantly when I ask them this one question. Try it next time your child is confused or unsure about a decision. It never helps to say "You are making too big a deal about this" to a child, because to them it is a big deal, and they are upset for  their own valid reason. Even if we don't understand why, it is toxic to invalidate and shut down a child's emotional experience. This can be especially true when parenting boys, the belief that we need to toughen them up by shutting them down when they are crying or emotional. They will likely grow up to be shut down adult men who are not comfortable with emotion or intimacy later on, if this is a consistent message they receive in childhood.
Teach them that they know what is best for them, and let them make decisions about some things (but not about the non-negotiable ones) and allow them to practice listening to their 'gut feelings'
If we were all taught this simple skill as children- to listen to our body, heart and soul, just imagine how different the world would be!

3) "my child must believe what I believe", "there is only one God"

Teach them how to experience a Spiritual Connection that feels right for them

I think it is important to resist pushing my beliefs on my children, but when they ask me about God, I tell them what I believe. That "God" means love, and it is something that is within all of us, not a bearded man that lives up in the clouds. We read Buddhist teachings, and have Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay books written for children which we read regularly. And it comes up in conversations at times, but I don't force them to believe any specific thing. Using the word Spirit, or Universe, and talking about a power that is greater than us that guides us along is a good place to start. My youngest daughter loves crystals, and saying a short prayer with me to her guardian angels before bed, she loves when I give her Reiki treatments, and being in nature grounds and calms her instantly. As a child with really intense anxiety at times, she needs these elements to stay centered. As we all do!
Children books I recommend to teach kids about spirituality are: "I Am"  and " Unstoppable Me!"by Wayne Dyer, "I Think,  I Am" by Louise L. Hay, and Buddha a Bedtime by Dharmachari Nagaraja.

I hope these ideas have inspired you to take action and embrace a more conscious and holistic approach to parenting. One of the most important things we can do for our children is to grow ourselves. Becoming conscious of our own childhood wounds and how they affect our parenting is essential. Often we parent how we were parented, and toxic patterns just keep continuing on until someone does the work to break the pattern. A great book on this subject I highly recommend is "Parenting from the Inside Out" - if you want to stop the past from continuing on in the next generation, it is invaluable and insightful.

Enjoy the journey...



~Leanne

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor
info@leanneoaten.com
leanneoaten.com

How your Beliefs are Keeping you Stuck, Sick and Depressed (and what to do about it)

Are you feeling stuck in the same old patterns, and same old life story that never seems to change or go anywhere near the direction you say you want to go?

Personal growth, healing and transformation requires deep inner work, reflection, and a strong desire and determination to have a different life experience. 

Making excuses, and staying stuck in old limiting belief 

patterns will surely lead to nowhere positive. 

In order to change any area of our lives, we have to examine our beliefs very closely. If we want more money, more prosperity, better health, more loyal friendships, a successful career, for example, we must change our beliefs about the story we are telling ourselves about [insert issue here].

Is your health suffering because you believe that vital health is not possible for you? Do you believe that something "runs in your family" and therefor you are destined to experience that same illness?

Do you believe that you have to work hard, and stay in a job you hate because you will not make money doing anything else that you might love to do more?

 I was raised in a household where money was a constant struggle, and my Dad was always saying things like "we can't afford it",  " I don't have it to give you", "It's a tough world out there" and so on. Living around this kind of lack mentality and negative talk around money, I learned that in life, there is never enough. Carrying this deeply embedded belief around has had a detrimental effect on my relationship with money throughout my life. It is only now that I am really looking deeply into what I truly believe about abundance, money and creating wealth.

As I examined my deep rooted beliefs about money I discovered they were: "you have to work hard to make money", "it is a struggle to survive", "I can't have the nice things", "I will never get ahead", "I will always have to scrape by", "Money goes out faster than I can make it". Wow, right? How could I possibly have a different experience while carrying around these beliefs that contradict what it is that I am telling the Universe that I want!

I was working on the positive thinking, and practicing affirmations like "money flows to me effortlessly" and "what I need will always be provided" however the missing link was that deep down I truly didn't believe this was true! I was seeing the evidence of my beliefs in the circumstances of my finances. It is now that things are starting to turn around, and I know it is because I am changing my inner programming and believe I can have wealth, abundance and more than just enough  to survive.

What you believe you will achieve whether you want it or not, so it is essential to work on the deep rooted inner-beliefs in order to create real and lasting change.

This is just an example of how our inner beliefs keep us stuck in negative patterns that never seem to improve no matter what we do. I encourage you to try this exercise to uncover your beliefs around all areas of your life. Here is what you do:

Freedom through Uncovering Limiting Beliefs Process:

Find somewhere quiet to go within with a pen and paper. One sheet per area of your life.

Family, Relationships, Love, Money, Health, success, work, friendships, parenting, people in general. Add any other categories you would like to explore, these are just ideas to get you started. 

Now for each category ask yourself : What do I believe about [insert] ?

Do not judge or second guess what comes up, just write it down. Trust your intuition to bring forward what you need to know. Just write them, all of them, every single thought or message you receive while reflecting on each area.

Once you have them all filled out and feel like it is complete, the next level of work is to figure out where you learned this belief. Usually it is rooted in our formative years, the messages we received and the circumstances we lived in.

The next step then, is to start using positive affirmations that feel correct for you. The only way positive affirmations work is if you truly resonate with the message and it is your hearts true desire.

It is like de-cluttering a closet. You have to clear it all out, examine the contents and decide if you want to keep or discard what you find, and then make room for the new to flow in. 

If you would like to learn more about positive affirmations, what they are and how to use them, Louise L. Hay is the queen of this arena. I recommend any and all of her books if you want to change your reality by changing your beliefs and thought patterns. Find some affirmations that feel inspiring and uplifting to you that are the opposite of what you have been believing in each area. I recommend only working with 1-2 areas at a time. Pick the 2 that are the most bothersome for you right now, and work on those. Then work your way down the list.

This is not easy work, but I promise you it will be worth it!

If you would like some support and guidance, you can book a breakthrough session with me and we can get to work breaking through your old, worn out and expired beliefs that are keeping you stuck and miserable!

Remember, what you believe you can achieve, it all starts within. 

Leanne Oaten

Registered Holistic Counsellor R.P.C

info@leanneoaten.com

leanneoaten.com

Preventing the 3 p.m Energy & Mood Crash: Tips and a smoothie that will keep your energy steady

Do you find yourself experiencing a daily 3 p.m. energy crash? It feels like a sudden need to take a really long nap, along with possible headache or tension behind the eyes, irritability, anxiety, or even low depressive mood.
If this sounds like you, it is pretty safe for me to say that you likely have some level of adrenal fatigue simmering below the surface, and high cortisol levels (or stress hormone) are the culprit. So many things that go sideways in our body and mind are related to STRESS! 

Research suggests that 98% of doctor visits and medical interventions performed are related illnesses and symptoms caused by out-of-control and chronic stress levels. 

For more about this read  How I healed Adrenal Fatigue

Today I am going to talk about that afternoon- usually 3:00 p.m- energy crash. The energy crash that typically happens at this time is a signal that the adrenal glands are not doing their job. This is when most people will instinctively reach for a double- double latte or soda, sugary snacks and carbs in the form of white flour to get a boost, and crave it as is their life depended on it. This used to be me! I am a recovering sugar addict and would habitually reach for a dose of sugar, usually dark chocolate or cookies (with chocolate in them)  and maybe an iced coffee in the afternoon to give myself a 'boost' I would literally feel out of my mind until I had my 'hit' of sugar! I knew this was definitely not a good thing, but it was what worked (so I thought) to get me through.

This hit of artificial stimulants works for a very short while providing a little 'high' but soon after will be followed by yet, another blood-sugar crash. The cycle can continue like this unless we do something to break it. Instead of reaching for a sugar, and caffeine hit, I encourage you to try adding these to your regime for a whole week and just see how much better you feel! Remember:  It's all about making small, sustainable changes, slowly- not all at once. :)

*A note on Vitamin C: This vitamin is super-healing for the adrenal glands. You can easily research this yourself online about the benefits, so no need to go into great depth in this blog. Here is a good article to get you started. Vitamin C benefits
The best thing to do is to take Vit C to bowel tolerance to determine how much your body needs. Start with taking 1,000mg ( I take Ascorbic Acid with Bioflavanoids) with breakfast, your 3 pm snack and dinner. You can not overdose and it is not harmful to take more than you need- the worst you will experience when you reach your tolerance level is loose bowel movements, and if that happens scale the dosage back until this subsides.

 Option 1: If you are at home and able to whip up a smoothie, this is a fantastic way to boost energy and help with fatigue.
This is one of my favorite super-food recipes using natural sources from whole foods to give you sustainable,real energy to carry you through until dinner time.
Supplementation 
Take with a good quality Vitamin C- 1000mg. at 3pm.

Energy Boosting Smoothie:
1/2 cup lite canned coconut milk
1/2 cup water or coconut water
1/4 dropper of Stevia (Sweet Leaf brand is the one I prefer as it does not contain alcohol or glycerine)
1 Tbs hemp hearts
1 tsp maca root powder (available at health food stores)
1 Tbs cacao powder
1/4-1/2 tsp of a high quality greens powder
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
1/2 cup frozen strawberries
few ice cubes
Blend in high speed blender- and enjoy!
(good quality protein powder-optional)

Option 2: If a smoothie is not an option for you, it is really important to make sure to have a good quality snack around 3 pm that consists of some protein. Do not allow your body to run on your lunch all the way until dinner! This really stresses the body out. When blood sugar drops, cortisol rises. Not what we are going for here.
Raw nuts with fresh fruit are a great portable option combined with my alkalizing lemonade-green tea.

You can make this drink at home and bring with you to work in a mason jar. Pop it in the fridge and have it with your afternoon power snack. Green tea has so many health benefits, and loads of antioxidants, and only small amount of caffeine. Green tea is not as hard on the adrenal glands as coffee or black tea, and is a way better option than reaching for a can of soda. And trust me, this is really good!

Lemonade-Green Tea Refresher:

Make ahead: Brew 4 organic Green tea bags in 4 cups of boiling water. Once it is steeped (about 10 mins), transfer to a large mason jar or other glass pitcher (topped with more water if it is too strong). Store in the fridge for up to 3 days. 

If you are heading out for the day, simply fill a mason jar with: the juice of 1 lemon, 1/4-1/2 dropper of liquid stevia (or to taste) top with chilled green tea and you are set!

*Tip: This recipe is also really good topped with sparkling mineral water if you like a fizzy drink. Leave the tea strong if you go for this option unless you like a really watery lightly flavored version. 

These are some simple ways to nourish your body to keep you going for the rest of the afternoon, however it is also a really great time to take a 10 minute relaxation break. Stop whatever you are doing, and just breath deeply with your eyes closed and intentionally relax your mind and body. Stretch if you are able to do so. This practice of nourishing your body along with your mind will have a powerful effect on how you feel. I find that the days when life is busy and I skip my 3:00 power snack, or grab something on the run that is not the best choice, it has a really big impact on how I feel Try adding these tips to your afternoon routine, and let me know how this works for you! Drop me an email with any questions you have.

For more information on healing your adrenals, improving depression, anxiety and fatigue join me for my upcoming seminar Getting Beyond Burnout

Work with me 

I assist you with healing from the inside out  through treating the root cause of your 

health issues ~ mind, body heart and soul.

info@leanneoaten.com
www.leanneoaten.com
250-319-3630

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor R.P.C

What you need to stop doing for greater health and happiness

Do you find yourself constantly searching outside of yourself for answers about what is right for you?


Are you constantly asking friends, or whoever will listen for advice about what you should do?
Do you find yourself searching for books that hold the answers to your questions?
Do you trust what others say more than you trust yourself?

I know I was once that person, I thought everyone else knew better than I did about what I needed. And that everyone else held the answers! I would read countless books about the best way to achieve lasting health and happiness, and would feel guilty over not meditating enough or in the 'right' ways, not eating enough greens, not exercising hard enough and so on- because 'they' the authorities on health and wellness said that I had to do these things to be healthy and peaceful.

The truth is, I can't stand sitting cross legged in meditation, I hate going to the gym, and some days I can't stand the thought of kale! But I love walking or running with my dogs out in nature, do yoga when I feel the craving to stretch and release tension,  and I love sitting on my favorite rock in the woods by my home, and soaking up the beauty of the sky and trees all around me. I also love to sit in silence on my deck, listening to the birds and contemplate my day every morning. I love silence and solitude, but I can't make myself love formal meditation. And I am now OK with that!
What is the theme here? Do more of what you love and stop doing those things that you dread or don't enjoy! Life is too long to spend your days doing things you hate doing! Life is not meant to be a struggle, how can you be more easy about your life, and flow with your natural body wisdom and intuition?

Here's the deal:

Only YOU hold the answers about 

what is truly correct for you!

It is good to get support and guidance when feeling stuck or unable to move past something, or to move to the next level in your healing journey, but most times getting quiet and going within to find the answers you seek is all that is needed.

Trust yourself- only you know 

what is best for you!

It all comes down to not trusting ourselves enough to know the answers, and not being connected to our higher self enough to hear the answers! We are our own best guru and we know the answers that we are looking for most times. Here is what I recommend you start doing:

1) Take time every single day to tune into your higher self, connect with your soul's wisdom. If meditation is what does it for you, great do that. If sitting in formal meditation feels like going to the dentist every morning (like it started to feel for me) then you are not likely to keep doing it. So find a way to connect within however feels correct to you. Get into nature, find a rock, or a grassy field and ask the Universe for guidance. Listen to your little voice within, you will be amazed at what it has to tell you when you are listening.

2) Take only what feels right to you. When reading books or receiving guidance or advice from another person, take only what feels right and fits for you at this time, and discard the rest. You can't do it all! I remember one day feeling like I was losing my marbles because all the books and advice I was feeding my mind with were all conflicting one another! I had no idea what to listen to! Finally I got that I had to take in what felt right, and listen to my higher self about what I needed and let go of the rest. Life got so much simpler after this epiphany.



3) Learn to trust yourself. When you are faced with a situation you are struggling with, seek advice from a few trusted sources, only those people that you know have your highest good in mind. But even after gathering other perspectives, or reading books, go back to point #1 to receive the answers that feel right for you. In the end, only you know what is best for you. You are the authority over your own life.

As a holistic counsellor, my intention and goal is to help you learn how to build a deep relationship with yourself so that YOU become your own personal guru. I help people harness their personal power so they feel empowered to make the changes that will project them forward in their lives
If you are ready to do what it takes to change your life and health for the better, and would like to book a session with me to ignite your inner spirit and begin making BIG changes in your life, connect with me today!

In health and happiness,
Leanne Oaten R.P.Cc
Holistic Counsellor, Wellness Coach
leanneoaten.com
250-319-3630

What Your Doctor Doesn't Know Could Hurt You - The way to Empowered Health!

Empower Yourself to Vibrant Health

On my journey to healing a long list of  health issues, along with episodes of depression, and chronic anxiety, one thing I never considered no matter what prescription was offered or procedure suggested- was to mask my symptoms with a pill or unnecessary surgery. Maybe I am stubborn (as some have called me) but I like to think I am just determined, and I trust my intuition. Something deep within, told me that I could heal using natural methods and I knew that some of my issues where deeper, and more emotionally based. So I ruled out anything fatal with proper testing, and decided to go it on my own, seeking out my healthcare team, and taking things into my own hands.

Based on the current research and with more new studies coming out all of the time about the adverse effects of prescription drugs, I am sure I have made the right decision for myself. Opting for a life long dependency using medications is not something I ever want to experience, and so I do all that I can to heal any condition or symptoms from the inside out.

 I do want to clarify that this is the path I chosen based on my own philosophy, beliefs and understanding of healing the body,  and I am not suggesting that my path it is the correct path for everyone. Please take what fits for you and use it, and discard the rest. Only you know what your body needs and what is right for you.

As I stand firm in my belief that all illness can be healed if the conditions are optimal within the body,  I also realize that medications can be a saving grace for some, and are necessary in certain situations. That said,  I also believe prescriptions and over the counter medications are too widely used, and abused and eventually create more issues within the body than they solve.

Doctors save lives, they preform emergency procedures to preserve life, and thankfully they exist for those purposes. But they are not trained in maintaining health, or healing the root causes of health and dis-ease, but how to manage the symptoms. And the only tools they have to offer are medications and surgery. Did you know that they only receive 1 hour of training around the subject of nutrition in medical school? Crazy, right?

What our doctors are also NOT trained in medical school for,  is how our emotional-mental health directly affects our physical condition, how stress creates 90% of the symptoms we are visiting him/her for help with. They do not have the expertise of the time to address nutritional links to many health issues, are not "allowed" to recommend natural remedies that are more effective (and much safer) than prescriptions in many cases, nor will they offer up information around the negative and accumulative effects of over the counter medicines, steroid creams, and prescriptions, and how these effect our liver and entire system over the long-term. They don't have time to consider, or ask about how your stress levels are, how your marriage is going, how the kids are doing, and if you despise your job and are treated poorly at work. They don't pay any attention to the fact that toxic relationships can make a person sick and cause depression, and debilitating anxiety, and how our thoughts can either heal or create dis-ease. They are simply not trained to look deeper into the presenting issues, and find the root cause of eczema, asthma, hormone imbalances, depression, anxiety, insomnia, migraines, or weight gain.  They can't offer preventative treatment options, or even recognize adrenal fatigue or slight hormonal/thyroid imbalances that could be a huge contributing factor to many symptoms one is experiencing mentally, emotionally and physically.  They also follow a different reference range with their laboratory testing, and don't recognize there is a problem, oftentimes until it is too late, and perhaps medication is the only resort.

 I saw it somewhere the quote "Medication is for sick care not healthcare" and can also relate this sentiment to doctors as well. They are not trained to help us live well, and embody a holistic approach to our health. If our life needs saving and we are in a health crisis, thankfully we have them to intervene.

The truth about our health from a holistic perspective, is that if one area of our being is being neglected, it leaves a huge gap for things to go wrong, and an imbalance to take over.

It is time to take our health into our own hands! If it's one thing we need to understand, it is that doctors have a limited toolkit when it comes to healing our health issues. If you want to start taking ownership of your own health and healing, this is what I suggest for you if you want to start empowering yourself to better health.

1) Know when it's time to see your doctor and when you can try other alternatives: Doctors certainly have their place, and I recommend regular routine check ups to detect any issues early on. I have been so thankful to have the option of antibiotics in cases where they are absolutely necessary for myself and my children. When my daughter had a blood strep infection, antibiotics were the only option- no amount of echinacea or essential oils were going to clear that up. Don't mess with anything you feel may be serious and need medical attention. If it's a cold, flu, allergies, migraines, anxiety or depression or digestive concerns perhaps visiting a naturopath or health-food store for some natural remedies to support the body are in order, rather than heading to the doctor or pharmacy. Always investigate further into what your symptoms are trying to tell you. It is much better to address the root cause of why you have a certain symptom or illness, rather than how to mask the symptoms with pharmaceutical drugs and quick fixes.

 2) Educate yourself!  Research, go to the library and find books on the subjects of holistic and alternative healing as well as emotional-physical connections to health. Stop handing your health over to others, take ownership! There is much you can do to create health, you know what your body needs to heal. Be determined to find a solution to your health concerns that will heal it at the root. All other avenues are only masking the underlying issues, and the body will manifest them elsewhere if it is not dealt with at the source. Finding the root cause is essential! One side-note: Do not Google your symptoms! Google will almost always tell you that you have cancer or have you believing the worst case scenario, believe me- I have been there many, many times.

3) Take all of your lab results to a naturopath for further assessment: This one is an essential. Every time I get anything tested- I take the results to my naturopath so she can see anything going on that the doctors overlook. And it never fails, the doctors "normal range" needs to be tweaked based on further evaluation. This is a very smart thing to do, as part of working with your family doctor and naturopathic physician.

4) Find your 'whole being' wellness tribe: Having a Naturopath, acupuncturist/Chinese medicine practitioner, massage therapist, holistic health counsellor that can assist you in healing the emotional/mental patterns that are linked to physical symptoms, an energy healing practitioner,  yoga and meditation teacher, will assist you greatly in achieving healing and greater inner peace and inner balance. Find your healthcare tribe, and make sure they understand and practice holistic healing principles themselves! The greatest healers,  and teachers are the ones that walk the talk in their own lives. Finding the right people that you feel comfortable with, and those that you trust understand your unique set of concerns is also essential. Keep looking until you find your perfect wellness support team.

If I can assist you in creating a wellness plan, or you would like an assessment of your concerns to receive direction, recommendations and a treatment plan about your specific mind-body health connection and symptoms, contact me to book a Breakthrough Session appointment.
I offer holistic wellness coaching sessions that will assist you in determining possible alternative avenues you could try for your current health concerns.

Mention this blog and receive $20 off your initial session.

In health,

Leanne Oaten
Holistic Counsellor- Wellness Coach
www.leanneoaten.com
250-319-3630

How to tap into your Intuition and start creating a life you love

Do you find yourself obsessing, ruminating and overthinking every single detail of everything that happens? Can you come up with a list of 100 possible scenarios for how something could turn out and this clouds your decision making ability? Do you have a hard time making decisions because you rely more on what you think rather than how you feel?

You are not alone!

This is something I am always actively working on in my life, and every single person I have worked with has had this going on to some degree in their life. It is often why we become stuck. Literally, we become stuck in our heads, and disconnect from our heart, soul, intuition, and inner-knowing.

"Most of our logical thinking is fear based"

Most of the time we are operating and making decisions with our logical (thinking) mind and that can lead us down many different paths -in the wrong direction. Most of our logical thinking is fear based, and creates fear stories that keep us stuck.

 When we tap into our intuition (our greatest source of empowerment) we start to operate from our deepest inner knowing, our soul~truth.

How do you know when you are operating from your soul and intuitive knowing?

~ Calm: You feel a sense of inner peace, confidence and safety

~ Clarity: The feeling of being empowered and connected to your truth. Uncertainty vanishes.

~  Flow: Life just flows

~ Fun: You are having FUN!

~ Joy: You feel joyful, alive and full of inspiration

~ Trust: you know that all is working out for your highest good, even if you are not sure what that is

~Synchronicity: You are seeing signs everywhere that speak to
 you. (Seeing someone you were thinking about earlier that day, humming a song and it comes on the radio, certain repeated number patterns come to you (1:11, 11:11. 3:33) I have had this one happening BIG time lately! These are all just signs from the Universe that you are on the right track, and that you are being guided by a force beyond physical sight.

Signs we are disconnected from our intuition:

 ~ Fear: We are feeding into the fear story. Fear thoughts, worry, obsessive thinking, trying to control circumstances. We mostly operate from fear based thoughts.

~Stuck: You do not know what to do or how to improve the situation.

~ Weak: You feel dis-empowered over your own life- like you have no power over your life circumstance and no way to change your current situation. You feel like a victim of circumstance.

~ Addictions: You engage in self numbing behaviors, or drink, drug, eat, whatever you can do to numb and distract from what you are feeling.

The beautiful part is that when we are able to live fully from the heart, and less from the ruminating, fear based, obsessive thinking mind, life begins to flow. Joy becomes the norm rather than fear, depression, sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness. And health issues and physical symptoms, depression and anxiety begin to miraculously disappear!

How do we tap into our intuition?

~ Prayer: I love this one from Gabrielle Bernstein: "Thank you for showing me creative solutions beyond my physical sight".

~ Mediation: Even 5 minutes of sitting and tuning in when we are unsure or feeling low, dark energies can shift us to a higher feeling place. Aim for 15 minutes daily, more is always better.

~ Get into nature: The trees and the birds and the sky will speak to you- just listen. Turn off the iTunes, and just sit on a rock or in the middle of the forest and listen. This is one thing that always shifts me in big ways. I crave being in the trees or by the ocean, it literally feeds my soul.

~ Create space: Make space in your life for alone time, free of texting, cell phones, emails and t.v. Make time for activities that feed your soul and connect you with yourself. Cross of the unnecessary "to do's" on your list, and create a life based around your wellness rather than around your work and endless daily tasks. Make your self a priority! Your happiness, health and emotional well-being should always be at the top of the priority list.

For more on this subject read:

In~ Power Hour- 21 Days to a..
All it takes is a little shift to change your life!

Wishing you a soul~full day,
~Leanne Oaten
Holistic Counsellor R.P.C,c
250-319-3630

www.soulworkcounselling.com

For greater happiness and health- Choose Your Tribe Wisely

I remember with such clarity when things really started to change for me on my healing journey.
One of my mentors that has been a pivotal person on my journey, and I believe has assisted me in getting me to where I am today, said to me- "You don't have to do it all alone Leanne, it's OK to reach out and get support".

 As a counselor I know this to be true, however I was not living this in my own life. I've had so many negative experiences with seeing counsellors in my past, that I had given up with trying to find support. And I had very few people in my life at the time I could trust with my vulnerabilities and suffering. But one thing I know for sure, is that we definitely aren't meant to go through life in isolation, to go it alone and struggle through feeling lost, depressed, lonely, stuck, sick, hopeless and disconnected! 

For me, I have always worked hard to be a positive person, and want to be that positive light for others. I never want to burden or drag somebody else down with my problems and complaints. I even had guilt about coming in to see her when I was having a bad day, because I didn't want to bring my negative energy in with me and ruin her day- and I would always cancel on friends I had made plans with for this same reason. Sounds perfectly noble and caring of others feelings, right?

 Wrong! Having a belief that others can't be there for me in the dark times, when I am struggling and not at my best, held me back from connecting with others, and kept me isolated in my own personal hell for many, many years.

 The enemy of depression is isolation.

It is true that when one is depressed they don't want to go out and see others, but want to hide away behind closed doors and avoid the world. Everything is in black and white, life loses its color, and it can feel as though nothing can pull the depressed person out of the depths of their darkness. You could be staring at the most beautiful meaningful thing, but feel nothing at all. But, this is no life!

I have been there, and I do not ever want to feel that way again. That is why I am so passionate and dedicated to my well-being and health, and why I want to help others with what I have learned!

I am so grateful today to have had the revelation- I need people! And I can trust others to be there for me -even when I am at my worst.

In my past, I learned that others could not be trusted, and when I was suffering, sad and alone, nobody came to help. That is what I learned at a very early age, and carried with me into adulthood.

Now I choose to believe others can be trusted, and that I am worthy of mutually supportive relationships and receiving loving support from others who truly to have my best interest at heart.

With all of this said, I am very selective with who I share my vulnerabilities with. As author Brene Brown advises- people need to earn the right to our vulnerability, and to hear our story.

We need deep connections and rich relationships with others to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. What I have learned about discerning who those people are is the following. Maybe these tips can help you in deciding who you want to have in your circle , or who you need to attract into your circle that can support you to become your best self.

1) Trust your gut. If something feels wrong or off about a person, trust this feeling and either cut ties, or be very mindful about what you share with this person/people. If someone really has your best interests at heart, you will feel that when you are with them.

2) Observe how they speak about others. If they are always gossiping or talking negatively about other friends/people behind their backs, they will most likely do the same to you with your personal disclosures.

3) Choose people who are committed to their own growth process, and having authentic, trusting and loyal relationships who are on a path similar to you- or a few levels above- where you want to be. The best friends we can have are ones who are there for us to assist us in our evolution. If someone is dragging you down, it may be time to reassess that relationship.

4) How do you FEEL in their presence? Tense on edge? Guarded? Do you have a knot in your stomach? Or, relaxed, calm and at ease? Trust your feelings, they never lie!

5) How do you feel after having spent time with them? If every single time you spend time with someone you leave with a stomach ache, headache, or feel depressed, anxious or totally drained, listen to these messages your body is sending! It is one thing if someone is having a bad day or going through a rough time, we need to be there for others in their time of need, I am speaking more of a pattern that becomes the norm. Tune into your body, it is our barometer for how we are affected by what is happening around us!

We can have compassion and let people go with love if they are not serving our highest good. We can wish them well, and say no thank you and move on. We can choose to love ourselves enough to only allow high quality people in our lives! YOU deserve to have rich and fulfilling relationships. You are the creator of your life. Start being more intentional about who you will and will not allow into your heart and life.

With love and gratitude,
~Leanne Oaten- Holistic Counsellor, R.P.C,c
View my website