Healing Depression by Overcoming Fear of Joy

This is one of my most personally revealing blogs to date. I don't often share a whole lot about my childhood or inner process - because honestly, being open and truthful is scary. Being vulnerable opens one up to criticism and rejection. BUT I am moving past the fear in hope that my story will help others in some way.

As I learn, I teach. My journey to becoming a counsellor has been in large part, through becoming a student of my own learning and inner process, and working my own healing path. Every time I learn something new about myself,  I can then share that with others to assist them on their path. There is always something more to learn!

Recently I have become increasingly more aware of the feeling fear that can wash over me when I am feeling true happiness, contentment, and hope.

When I look at my kids, and am filled with such love for them, the thought will creep in, "what if something ever happens to them?" "you would never survive that".

It's the thoughts that creep in, the ego mind, the voices of the past that tell me I better not get too happy, because something is going to happen to make it all go away. Then when it does, it won't be such a let down, or as big of a fall if I stay down low. Or, it's the waiting for the other shoe to drop metaphor. Maybe it is because in my life, I have seen so many shoes drop, and many, many times where the good feeling did go away. When that happens too many times, we shut down - often it happens early in our childhood. It is too scary to feel that vulnerable feeling of joy and happiness- so we close off and numb it out. 

If you are experiencing depression, hopelessness or apathy,  go back to your childhood, visit your inner-child and ask him/her "when did the light go out?"- maybe it was one instance you can trace back to, or maybe it is many that have accumulated within your body, mind and spirit. It is helpful to visit the past for these types of inquiries, but very essential not to stay and live there. Get curious, visit, inquire,  clear it and move on. We do not want to marinade in the past, but only learn from it so we can better move into the present with more clarity.

We are a society that has become fearful of our own happiness

One of the toughest hurdles for me to overcome, and still is at times, is my underlying fear of feeling true happiness. For the longest time, I was the most negative person I knew. I was deeply depressed, and ridden with anxiety and frozen with fear for many years. It took me a long time to unravel the negative messages I still carried that were embedded into my impressionable psyche at a very young age.

This is not an attempt to blame my parents. I do not blame them, because I know they did the best the knew how to do at the time. My father was raised in multiple foster homes his entire childhood, and suffered abuse I probably don't even know the half of. 

Because he was raised in awful conditions that no child should ever have to endure, it hardened him, repressed him and made his view of the world quite negative and dark. And in turn, because he was not conscious of his own inner process, a lot of his beliefs were passed along - as it often goes in families. 

For many years, I believed that life is a constant struggle, people can't be trusted, the world is an unsafe place, and that I have no right to be happy when so many others are suffering around me, and around the world.

I was given messages in my childhood that said "you don't matter", "you are a burden",  "don't toot your own horn", "you're not that great" in many different ways was shown the world is not safe. So, this is how I grew up - believing I should not speak highly of myself, and naturally given all of this,  I sure didn't think very highly of myself either. I am still working on this continually. Loving oneself is a tough job sometimes, but it is also essential to becoming who you want to be.

A huge Aha! moment for me, was recently while my Dad was over for dinner. My daughter was hyper, giddy, silly and really excited and laughing a lot. She gets like this when he comes over, and I have not been able to figure out why - but now I wonder if she intuitively knows he needs her more upbeat vibes to lift his lower frequency and energy :)

He made a comment saying "she just has no idea what real life is like yet" and followed with "have you heard about all those dead refugee children washing up on shore in the news?" with her right there in the room! I was floored, and felt like the ground below me was shifting. THAT'S IT! That is what I always heard growing up! I swore I had heard that exact statement myself once or twice as a kid when I was happy for no reason - then shamed for my happiness. Wow, right?!

I share this through my own vulnerability in hopes that these words touch even one person in a meaningful way. I know I am not the only one who carries a niggling fear of happiness within. I see countless clients who in some form or another, are living with this day to day and are being affected in so many ways by not stepping into their feelings of joy and gratitude. I believe this is a huge reason we become depressed, and stay there.

The only way out is through, so we have to face the darkness, and look into the past to identify our core wounding in order to learn from it and move past it. 

"When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability 

joy becomes foreboding" - Brene Brown

I hope you are able to embrace the happiness that comes your way, the little things that make your heart sing, the love that you feel, the joy in your heart. All of it. But only when we can fully embrace the dark, can we truly embrace the light. No matter how positively we think, things are not always going to go our way, and we will still have pain, loss and suffering because this is the nature of our human experience.

I had a client say to me recently, "It must be hard to help people and not take their troubles home with you" and I replied, "yes sometimes, but I know that I can not help others from a place of hopelessness, and I can not feel bad enough for them to assist them in their healing". Only from a place of fullness, and connection to my own joy can I truly assist others. This includes my children, friends, and even myself. It is my job to make sure that I feel good, and that is not always easy to do because life can be full of challenges.

 When life knocks you for a loop, refuse to stay down!

Here is the bottom line, you can not feel sick enough to help those around you that are ill, you can't feel miserable enough to help those who are unhappy, and you can't feel depressed enough about the state of the world to help those who are suffering. 

Yes, there are horrible realities others have to face around the world - and even on our own streets, but we can not feel bad enough for them to change those realities. Only through our love, joy happiness and conscious choice to evolve and break patterns within out family systems, can we truly make a difference. When we work on ourselves, we create a powerful ripple effect that reaches far beyond what we can ever imagine. So start with YOU, in your home with your family to embrace these ideas, create a positive family atmosphere, teach the children in your life that life is something to be grateful for, and that happiness is their natural state. Teach them to live wholeheartedly, and to embrace it all, all of their feelings, disappointments, sadness, happiness, giddiness, silliness and joy. And they learn best by example, so it all begins with you.

I leave you with this short clip of Brene speaking with Oprah about foreboding joy on  Super Soul Sunday - grab the tissues!

Wishing you heaps of happiness,

Leanne Oaten

Holistic Counsellor R.P.C

info@leanneoaten.com

leanneaoten.com

If you have to force it...let it go

Something that I am really practicing consciously in my life, in all areas, is to learn to let go of things that are not meant for me.
I tend to hang on for dear life to things, ideas, visions, expectations of what others 'should' or 'should not' do, and I have a strong will, and tenacity - which are two of my greatest strengths, but are sometimes also my greatest weakness.
If there is something in your life that is causing great mental and emotional strain, or you find yourself fighting an inner battle of how you can force things to be the way you want them to be [but they are far from it] I suggest looking within to see what you may need to let go of.

As soon as we let go, we free up mental and spiritual space to allow the things meant for us to enter.

A web developer or other hired assistant that you have to continually email to see if she is 'on' the tasks that you have hired her for? Let her go. There is someone else out there better suited to be on your team.

A vision for a business venture that isn't quite what you thought it would be, let the idea of how it "should" be go to allow for inspiration to enter and the universe to guide you to what is in your highest purpose. Sometimes what we think we want is not actually in our highest good, and if we are open we will receive guidance toward what we are truly meant to do.

A relationship that is all force and no ease, and you feel you have to carry the weight of making all the changes for- let go of that behavior and turn the focus on YOU, or in some cases, you may need to let go of the relationship entirely.

Whatever is taking up a great deal of your mental, emotional and spiritual space in the form of stress, obsessive and fixated thinking and ruminating, or in the form of insomnia because you can't stop thinking and worrying about it, that is a sign there may something you need to let go of. Only you know the answer to what that is. Sometimes it is simply a thought, a viewpoint or belief. Other times it is a bigger decision you may have to make.
Make room for the new, by intentionally releasing the old. 

Wishing you ease in letting go of what is no longer serving you.

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor R.P.C
info@leanneoaten.com
Website

How Emotionally Connected People are Healthier People

The only emotions to fear are the ones we deny, repress, numb avoid and ignore. 

As many of you that read my blogs and follow my message know, a large part of the foundation in which I have made the most progress in my own personal healing work,is through the process of mastering my emotional awareness.

Just like we exercise and eat right to support our physical body, we also must attend to our emotional health to truly flourish in life, on all levels.

One of the fastest ways to clear a room is to start asking people to express their emotions and feelings! It's so true. We are an emotion-phobic society afraid to feel what we are really feeling! We feel shame because we are depressed, and embarrassed because we are scared, and terrified to look deep within, underneath the happy face mask (the ego) that tries to show the world that everything is all roses.

But truly, what needs to be feared more, is the emotions that we repress, deny, ignore, numb, and medicate. You see our emotions are our inner-guidance system, they help us to see when something 'feels' off or not quite right, or even very wrong depending on our emotional response.

We must embrace emotion in all of it's forms. The positive and negative, the dark and the light.
Denial of our emotion feeds the dark. As Brene Brown states "you can not selectively numb emotion, when you numb the dark, you also numb the light.

Our emotions are feedback to what we are telling ourselves about a certain situation. What we believe and think leads to how we feel. I won't go into the dry old Cognitive Behavioral Therapy model that I learned in school known as CBT. But this is basically what CBT is, and many counsellors use it for people who are depressed. An understanding that our beliefs have a lot to do with our feelings, and our experience of life is life changing!

Beliefs ==> Thoughts ==> Emotion (feelings) ==Action (what you do with the emotion)

Our emotions are our life force, and they are energy, and energy needs to move!

Emotion is Energy-in-Motion

If we stifle, repress, avoid, numb, distract and feed our emotions, we will suffer mentally and physically as our emotions try to express themselves through physical symptoms, or other addictive behaviors such as alcoholism, shopping, spending, working, sex, food, keeping busy, electronic screens - really the ways addictions can manifest are endless.

An addiction serves a purpose though and the purpose it to help us cope with PAIN. To keep us from feeling what is actually present. Who really wants to look at their failing marriage, mounting credit card debt, family issues, work stress, and so on?
Not many will turn toward what is causing their suffering. But those that understand the their physical and mental health is largely determined by their emotional health-are better able to navigate through, and feel happier, lighter, freer, more peaceful and at ease in their life. Their health issues disappear, depression and anxiety dissolves, they easily reach their ideal body-weight, their relationships deepen, and become more authentic.

The ways that life changes for the better when you embrace your emotions (all of them) is powerful, and is some of the most important work you will do toward improving your health, mood , relationships and overall well-being.

So, how does an emotionally healthy person deal with their emotions?

• They feel them and allow them to surface, have a cry if they need to, and are better able to move on 
• They are acutely aware that their physical body speaks to them through their emotional energy. And that repressing emotion blocks flow, and eventually creates illness in the mind and body
• They allow themselves time to sit with their discomfort and get curious about what they are feeling and what they are upset about
• They are connected intimately with their emotional energy body. They know when they are 'activated' by a past wound, feel it in their body, and are able to go inside themselves to discover what was really going on, and identify where in their body they feel the emotion
• They know that how they feel is their responsibility -and can address how they feel from a healthy and empowered way
• They are able to tell someone how they really feel, in a non-threatening way - no matter how uncomfortable it may be
• They are able to respond rather than react to situations that upset them
• They don't shy away from conflict, but see it as a way to grow - when it is done in a healthy way
• They know that anger is a secondary emotion--and they are not afraid to get curious about what is beneath the anger, knowing it is likely linked to feeling hurt, fear, and rejection.
• They sit with themselves daily to check in with how they are feeling

If you would like to become more aware of your emotions, here is a simple self-awareness exercise to get you started:

30 days to Building Self Awareness Practice: 

For the next 30 days, commit to building your emotional mindfulness, awareness and resiliency. 

1) Check in: Throughout the day take a moment to check in with yourself and notice what you are feeling. When something triggers an intense response within you, your partner says something in "that way" your kids aren't listening, someone disrespects you or is rude to you, learn to take a deep breath in that moment. Get curious. Notice the turmoil churning inside. Where in your body are you feeling this? Do you have an urge to lash out in anger? Just bring awareness to what is coming up within you, underneath the anger, frustration and irritation.

2) Leave the situation: (If you are able to) Go somewhere and allow how you are feeling to move through, ask yourself "what is this about?  BREATHE. (It takes huge amounts of courage to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable emotion! It is such easier to run away and take it out on someone else. But emotionally healthy people know that is not the answer they are seeking.)

Tip: we are never upset for the reason we think.

3) Ask yourself "where in my past have I felt this emotion?" you will almost always get an answer or a memory that may surprise you. But it is when we are able to connect that, when my partner complains about the messy house, it reminds me of my Dad who used to scream at me for leaving any mess around the house. So, in the end it's not really the issue of the complaint, but what wound it triggers within me. Make sense?

4) Begin to notice what you are doing with your emotions. What behaviors do you fall into when you are hurting of feeling uncomfortable? Do you reach for food, alcohol, or head to the mall? Do you contract and close down? Lash out in anger? No self-judgement allowed! Just become aware.

I also recommend that you purchase a journal which will be used specifically for your Emotional Awareness process. Record these AHA! moments and insights over the next 30 days. You will be amazed with what you uncover. We are emotional beings, when we deny this part of ourselves, we are not whole. Embrace it all.

If you would like more clarity on this practice, feel free to drop me an email with any questions!

Yours in emotional wellness,

Leanne Oaten

Registered Holistic Counsellor , R.P.C

info@leanneoaten.com

Grow your passion into a business- How to love your life and work

Are you working the typical 9-5 job, trading hours for dollars in a career that is less than fulfilling, or maybe even one that you dread going to every day? Are you feeling burnt out and stuck doing what you are doing because you fear not being able to provide for yourself and family by branching out and doing your own thing? Maybe starting your own business has been on your mind, but you can't seem to wrap your mind around how you would do it or make it work.

Maybe there is something you have always been a natural at, something that when you are immersed in it, time stands still, and you are in your bliss. What is that thing that you love to do? That you would do for free because you love it so much- that you could turn into a business?

99% of the time, the biggest obstacle that stops people from taking the risk and going for it when it comes to becoming self-employed is FEAR.

I have worked with many women struggling with the day-to-day realities of being in a job that is uninspiring -and at worst, one that they totally hate going going to every day. We work through a lot of the limiting beliefs and fear based thoughts that are stopping them from taking the risk and going for their dreams in their lives.

As a mother of 3, my biggest motivation for becoming self- employed, aside from answering my calling and purpose to serve and help others improve their lives, was to work my own hours. Those days of working based on an employers schedule, trying to find childcare for my kids, and the guilt of missing out on family dinners, time with my kids I can never get back, school events, and having to schedule time off (and worry I might not get it and have to miss out on something) were highly stressful times for me and my family, and that is aside from the fact I never loved any of those jobs, but felt I had no other choice at the time. For me, it came down to learning how to I create a career that I love, that is in alignment with who I am, my values, and passions, AND balance motherhood while taking good care of myself. As challenging as it has been to get to where I am today while parenting young kids, I have always known in my heart that I will never regret anything I have done to ensure I am present with my children, but I likely would regret time lost with them - and that is a huge motivator for me.

That was until I decided to take the plunge in 2010, and pursue my vision to become self-employed as a Holistic Therapist. The day I sent in my student loan documents was a day mixed with intense fear, and excitement about this new chapter. I just knew in my heart that what I wanted to do more than anything, was to help improve the lives of others, while earning an income in doing so. I am passionate about personal growth, health and healing, and love to teach and guide others along the path to self- reliance and empowerment in all areas of their lives. When I am assisting another I feel like time stands still. It doesn't feel like work, but comes naturally to me. I  (most times) don't feel stressed out about going to work, I schedule my own hours, take time off as I decide, and make my own rules. I am home for my kids every day after school, as I only work during school hours, and I never miss an important event. I love the creative aspect of my work, and love that I can grow along with my business.

For sure,  their was intense fear, and self-doubt about how I will make it, "what if's" were plentiful, but something deep within me knew this was the path I had to take no matter how challenging it might be. That going back to a minimum wage job or trying to work around family and accommodate and employer was not for me.

I'll be honest, starting your own business is not all roses, and requires huge amounts of dedication and tenacity, hard work and refusal to give up when it gets tough.  You will have days you want to give up and question why you wanted to be your own boss in the first place. You have to know your why so strongly and so clearly, that it is your lighthouse in your dark moments of doubt, stress and panic.

Your "why" is what will get you through those hard days and rough patches. I will say that being an entrepreneur is certainly not for everyone. It depends on the person, and each individual situation, I am not going to tell you that this is correct for you or your family, that is for you to decide. It is not for the faint of heart that is for sure!

  My "why" is that I don't want someone else raising my children while I go to work for someone else. I want to work my own hours, live by my own rules, and do something meaningful with my life that serves others while it grows me. I want to live my life in a way that my passions are my work, and my work is my passion. That is essential for me.

The truth is that no matter who you are, and what you decide you want to do, to be successful over time- you have to continually grow yourself to grow your business. This has been a huge revelation for me. There are always opportunities to grow and learn from the tough times if we can see all obstacles as a path to expand and refine our tool to be better at what we do.

Taking the plunge into becoming an entrepreneur and riding the waves of ups and downs has changed me as a person, and I have grown in ways I never would have had I not followed my inner-calling.

On this path, it is also essential to surround yourself with other successful people who are also building their dream business, as well as seek out mentors and experts along the way to advise you and guide you along the way. This is essential. It wasn't until I started investing in business coaching and online business training programs, joining private Facebook groups to connect with other women building their own businesses, reading books about business, and networking with other like-minded entrepreneurs, that I really started to see real results in my business growth. It is so amazing that we have endless opportunities available to us through all of the wonderful online programs at our fingertips today. With the click of a button we can enroll in just about any online course or program from anywhere in the world - and learn right from our laptop at our own convenience.

If you are considering taking the plunge into starting your own business, or even if you have already begun but you are still unsure about whether this is the right thing for you, the Love Your Work Ignite Your Life is open for registration today! If you are ready to get serious about exploring the endless possibilities to create your dream life, which includes your dream career, this would be the perfect place to begin.

Being your own boss can be one of the most challenging yet rewarding ventures you will ever embark on, kind of like parenthood - we learn as we go, through the good times and stressful times, and times when we feel so joyous and fulfilled that we can sit back and say to ourselves, "this has been so worth it to get here" and really mean it.

Leanne Oaten
Holistic Therapist- R.P.C
leanneoaten.com

The Art of Conscious Parenting: 3 toxic parenting beliefs and how to reverse them

Do you ever feel like you can problem solve almost every area of your life, but when it comes to parenting feel like you don't have a clue what you are doing? Just when you get over one hurdle, or developmental stage or think you have it figured out, the game changes. Then before you know it, adolescence sneaks up on you, and next comes raising a teenager which is a whole other story. I think the most stressful time, even with the sleepless nights and endless feeding and diaper changes of the infant stage, was raising my teenage son. I have often felt like I have no idea how to handle certain aspects of balancing setting limits with allowing him to spread his wings and make some of his own choices. And I probably made some mistakes with him, and will continue to make mistakes with my children as long as I live. But the one thing I have always used as my parenting inner- guidance system is to ask myself at the end of the day- did I do my best to love?

In my practice working with clients, I have the advantage of learning and observing what the after effects of unconscious parenting can be in adult life. I work with people as they grapple and unravel the messages they received,  and things their parents used to say, and how they were treated as children and I am starting to observe a real pattern of certain parenting behaviors during my work with people, that seem to create the most damage into adulthood. I will cover 3 big toxic parenting beliefs, and follow with a conscious parenting alternative to each in this blog.

The truth in parenting is that as much as we love our children to the depths of our soul, we are often operating from our fear place in our discipline and parenting - fear of what might happen if a certain behavior continues, fear of what kind of person our child will be if we let certain behaviors slide, fear of what other people might think, fear they will make the same mistakes as we feel we made, and so on. I think many parents are in the same boat, we are all just winging it trying to do the best we can, taking it day by day. What works for one child likely won't work for your others . It is an art that we master as we go along.

There is a lot of parenting advice out there, and an overwhelming amount of parenting books at our fingertips, and as a parent of 3 children I know I have felt really overwhelmed and confused much of the time as to what really is the most important thing to focus on when it comes to parenting. I have read countless parenting books over the course of my 17 years of parenting, and much of the advice out there really didn't resonate with  me. The crying it out method tortured my soul, time outs made me feel like I was abandoning my child, and the reward charts and systems just never seemed to stick. I will share with you what I feel are universal principles we can all practice no matter what the age and stage in this article. I hope you can take away at least one piece of new information and inspiration and use it for the good of your family. Here are 3 areas to focus on to get you started on a more holistic approach to parenting:

1) Toxic Parenting belief: " Children should be seen not heard" " my child should do as I say not what I do, "children need to do as they are told even if it feels wrong to them" " I know better about what my child need than he does"
Know your core values- and the ones you want to instill in your child For me the most important core values I want to instill in my children are my guiding post to how I parent them. I want to raise them to be thinkers, feelers, and believers. To know that their thoughts are powerful and that their body 'speaks' to them through physical sensations and feelings. I teach them about intuition, and listening to their body when it comes to being in certain situations, and when they eat certain foods -  I will often say "how does it feel in your body?" and they are already learning how to discern what to eat even when I am not with them. At birthday parties they will often tell me they only ate a few bites of cake because it started to make the feel sick. Or that they ate extra vegetables with their pizza lunch. I teach them that it is all about balance and being mindful of what they put in their bodies. And I am also very careful to practice what I teach. They see me living in this way, so we always have an open dialogue about it.

2) Toxic Parenting Belief: "My child should stop crying and fussing when I tell her to", "I have to toughen my child up so he/she is not such a wimp", "My child shouldn't be upset", "children cry just to get attention"

Teach them that it is healthy to feel their feelings (including boys!)
Teaching our children from an early age, that it is healthy and necessary to feel their emotions, to cry and to express their feelings, worries or concerns to someone they trust, and to listen to their heart when they are torn about making a certain decisions is a life skill that will serve them greatly for the rest of their lives. If they are unsure about something, which friends party to go to, whether they want to stay at home or go camping with Dad, or what dance class they want to take, I will ask them "what does your heart say"? and they always get an answer. All the mental chatter or anxiety they are expressing melts away almost instantly when I ask them this one question. Try it next time your child is confused or unsure about a decision. It never helps to say "You are making too big a deal about this" to a child, because to them it is a big deal, and they are upset for  their own valid reason. Even if we don't understand why, it is toxic to invalidate and shut down a child's emotional experience. This can be especially true when parenting boys, the belief that we need to toughen them up by shutting them down when they are crying or emotional. They will likely grow up to be shut down adult men who are not comfortable with emotion or intimacy later on, if this is a consistent message they receive in childhood.
Teach them that they know what is best for them, and let them make decisions about some things (but not about the non-negotiable ones) and allow them to practice listening to their 'gut feelings'
If we were all taught this simple skill as children- to listen to our body, heart and soul, just imagine how different the world would be!

3) "my child must believe what I believe", "there is only one God"

Teach them how to experience a Spiritual Connection that feels right for them

I think it is important to resist pushing my beliefs on my children, but when they ask me about God, I tell them what I believe. That "God" means love, and it is something that is within all of us, not a bearded man that lives up in the clouds. We read Buddhist teachings, and have Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay books written for children which we read regularly. And it comes up in conversations at times, but I don't force them to believe any specific thing. Using the word Spirit, or Universe, and talking about a power that is greater than us that guides us along is a good place to start. My youngest daughter loves crystals, and saying a short prayer with me to her guardian angels before bed, she loves when I give her Reiki treatments, and being in nature grounds and calms her instantly. As a child with really intense anxiety at times, she needs these elements to stay centered. As we all do!
Children books I recommend to teach kids about spirituality are: "I Am"  and " Unstoppable Me!"by Wayne Dyer, "I Think,  I Am" by Louise L. Hay, and Buddha a Bedtime by Dharmachari Nagaraja.

I hope these ideas have inspired you to take action and embrace a more conscious and holistic approach to parenting. One of the most important things we can do for our children is to grow ourselves. Becoming conscious of our own childhood wounds and how they affect our parenting is essential. Often we parent how we were parented, and toxic patterns just keep continuing on until someone does the work to break the pattern. A great book on this subject I highly recommend is "Parenting from the Inside Out" - if you want to stop the past from continuing on in the next generation, it is invaluable and insightful.

Enjoy the journey...



~Leanne

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor
info@leanneoaten.com
leanneoaten.com

How your Beliefs are Keeping you Stuck, Sick and Depressed (and what to do about it)

Are you feeling stuck in the same old patterns, and same old life story that never seems to change or go anywhere near the direction you say you want to go?

Personal growth, healing and transformation requires deep inner work, reflection, and a strong desire and determination to have a different life experience. 

Making excuses, and staying stuck in old limiting belief 

patterns will surely lead to nowhere positive. 

In order to change any area of our lives, we have to examine our beliefs very closely. If we want more money, more prosperity, better health, more loyal friendships, a successful career, for example, we must change our beliefs about the story we are telling ourselves about [insert issue here].

Is your health suffering because you believe that vital health is not possible for you? Do you believe that something "runs in your family" and therefor you are destined to experience that same illness?

Do you believe that you have to work hard, and stay in a job you hate because you will not make money doing anything else that you might love to do more?

 I was raised in a household where money was a constant struggle, and my Dad was always saying things like "we can't afford it",  " I don't have it to give you", "It's a tough world out there" and so on. Living around this kind of lack mentality and negative talk around money, I learned that in life, there is never enough. Carrying this deeply embedded belief around has had a detrimental effect on my relationship with money throughout my life. It is only now that I am really looking deeply into what I truly believe about abundance, money and creating wealth.

As I examined my deep rooted beliefs about money I discovered they were: "you have to work hard to make money", "it is a struggle to survive", "I can't have the nice things", "I will never get ahead", "I will always have to scrape by", "Money goes out faster than I can make it". Wow, right? How could I possibly have a different experience while carrying around these beliefs that contradict what it is that I am telling the Universe that I want!

I was working on the positive thinking, and practicing affirmations like "money flows to me effortlessly" and "what I need will always be provided" however the missing link was that deep down I truly didn't believe this was true! I was seeing the evidence of my beliefs in the circumstances of my finances. It is now that things are starting to turn around, and I know it is because I am changing my inner programming and believe I can have wealth, abundance and more than just enough  to survive.

What you believe you will achieve whether you want it or not, so it is essential to work on the deep rooted inner-beliefs in order to create real and lasting change.

This is just an example of how our inner beliefs keep us stuck in negative patterns that never seem to improve no matter what we do. I encourage you to try this exercise to uncover your beliefs around all areas of your life. Here is what you do:

Freedom through Uncovering Limiting Beliefs Process:

Find somewhere quiet to go within with a pen and paper. One sheet per area of your life.

Family, Relationships, Love, Money, Health, success, work, friendships, parenting, people in general. Add any other categories you would like to explore, these are just ideas to get you started. 

Now for each category ask yourself : What do I believe about [insert] ?

Do not judge or second guess what comes up, just write it down. Trust your intuition to bring forward what you need to know. Just write them, all of them, every single thought or message you receive while reflecting on each area.

Once you have them all filled out and feel like it is complete, the next level of work is to figure out where you learned this belief. Usually it is rooted in our formative years, the messages we received and the circumstances we lived in.

The next step then, is to start using positive affirmations that feel correct for you. The only way positive affirmations work is if you truly resonate with the message and it is your hearts true desire.

It is like de-cluttering a closet. You have to clear it all out, examine the contents and decide if you want to keep or discard what you find, and then make room for the new to flow in. 

If you would like to learn more about positive affirmations, what they are and how to use them, Louise L. Hay is the queen of this arena. I recommend any and all of her books if you want to change your reality by changing your beliefs and thought patterns. Find some affirmations that feel inspiring and uplifting to you that are the opposite of what you have been believing in each area. I recommend only working with 1-2 areas at a time. Pick the 2 that are the most bothersome for you right now, and work on those. Then work your way down the list.

This is not easy work, but I promise you it will be worth it!

If you would like some support and guidance, you can book a breakthrough session with me and we can get to work breaking through your old, worn out and expired beliefs that are keeping you stuck and miserable!

Remember, what you believe you can achieve, it all starts within. 

Leanne Oaten

Registered Holistic Counsellor R.P.C

info@leanneoaten.com

leanneoaten.com

Preventing the 3 p.m Energy & Mood Crash: Tips and a smoothie that will keep your energy steady

Do you find yourself experiencing a daily 3 p.m. energy crash? It feels like a sudden need to take a really long nap, along with possible headache or tension behind the eyes, irritability, anxiety, or even low depressive mood.
If this sounds like you, it is pretty safe for me to say that you likely have some level of adrenal fatigue simmering below the surface, and high cortisol levels (or stress hormone) are the culprit. So many things that go sideways in our body and mind are related to STRESS! 

Research suggests that 98% of doctor visits and medical interventions performed are related illnesses and symptoms caused by out-of-control and chronic stress levels. 

For more about this read  How I healed Adrenal Fatigue

Today I am going to talk about that afternoon- usually 3:00 p.m- energy crash. The energy crash that typically happens at this time is a signal that the adrenal glands are not doing their job. This is when most people will instinctively reach for a double- double latte or soda, sugary snacks and carbs in the form of white flour to get a boost, and crave it as is their life depended on it. This used to be me! I am a recovering sugar addict and would habitually reach for a dose of sugar, usually dark chocolate or cookies (with chocolate in them)  and maybe an iced coffee in the afternoon to give myself a 'boost' I would literally feel out of my mind until I had my 'hit' of sugar! I knew this was definitely not a good thing, but it was what worked (so I thought) to get me through.

This hit of artificial stimulants works for a very short while providing a little 'high' but soon after will be followed by yet, another blood-sugar crash. The cycle can continue like this unless we do something to break it. Instead of reaching for a sugar, and caffeine hit, I encourage you to try adding these to your regime for a whole week and just see how much better you feel! Remember:  It's all about making small, sustainable changes, slowly- not all at once. :)

*A note on Vitamin C: This vitamin is super-healing for the adrenal glands. You can easily research this yourself online about the benefits, so no need to go into great depth in this blog. Here is a good article to get you started. Vitamin C benefits
The best thing to do is to take Vit C to bowel tolerance to determine how much your body needs. Start with taking 1,000mg ( I take Ascorbic Acid with Bioflavanoids) with breakfast, your 3 pm snack and dinner. You can not overdose and it is not harmful to take more than you need- the worst you will experience when you reach your tolerance level is loose bowel movements, and if that happens scale the dosage back until this subsides.

 Option 1: If you are at home and able to whip up a smoothie, this is a fantastic way to boost energy and help with fatigue.
This is one of my favorite super-food recipes using natural sources from whole foods to give you sustainable,real energy to carry you through until dinner time.
Supplementation 
Take with a good quality Vitamin C- 1000mg. at 3pm.

Energy Boosting Smoothie:
1/2 cup lite canned coconut milk
1/2 cup water or coconut water
1/4 dropper of Stevia (Sweet Leaf brand is the one I prefer as it does not contain alcohol or glycerine)
1 Tbs hemp hearts
1 tsp maca root powder (available at health food stores)
1 Tbs cacao powder
1/4-1/2 tsp of a high quality greens powder
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
1/2 cup frozen strawberries
few ice cubes
Blend in high speed blender- and enjoy!
(good quality protein powder-optional)

Option 2: If a smoothie is not an option for you, it is really important to make sure to have a good quality snack around 3 pm that consists of some protein. Do not allow your body to run on your lunch all the way until dinner! This really stresses the body out. When blood sugar drops, cortisol rises. Not what we are going for here.
Raw nuts with fresh fruit are a great portable option combined with my alkalizing lemonade-green tea.

You can make this drink at home and bring with you to work in a mason jar. Pop it in the fridge and have it with your afternoon power snack. Green tea has so many health benefits, and loads of antioxidants, and only small amount of caffeine. Green tea is not as hard on the adrenal glands as coffee or black tea, and is a way better option than reaching for a can of soda. And trust me, this is really good!

Lemonade-Green Tea Refresher:

Make ahead: Brew 4 organic Green tea bags in 4 cups of boiling water. Once it is steeped (about 10 mins), transfer to a large mason jar or other glass pitcher (topped with more water if it is too strong). Store in the fridge for up to 3 days. 

If you are heading out for the day, simply fill a mason jar with: the juice of 1 lemon, 1/4-1/2 dropper of liquid stevia (or to taste) top with chilled green tea and you are set!

*Tip: This recipe is also really good topped with sparkling mineral water if you like a fizzy drink. Leave the tea strong if you go for this option unless you like a really watery lightly flavored version. 

These are some simple ways to nourish your body to keep you going for the rest of the afternoon, however it is also a really great time to take a 10 minute relaxation break. Stop whatever you are doing, and just breath deeply with your eyes closed and intentionally relax your mind and body. Stretch if you are able to do so. This practice of nourishing your body along with your mind will have a powerful effect on how you feel. I find that the days when life is busy and I skip my 3:00 power snack, or grab something on the run that is not the best choice, it has a really big impact on how I feel Try adding these tips to your afternoon routine, and let me know how this works for you! Drop me an email with any questions you have.

For more information on healing your adrenals, improving depression, anxiety and fatigue join me for my upcoming seminar Getting Beyond Burnout

Work with me 

I assist you with healing from the inside out  through treating the root cause of your 

health issues ~ mind, body heart and soul.

info@leanneoaten.com
www.leanneoaten.com
250-319-3630

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor R.P.C