Sweet ways to use quinoa

I have been on a quinoa kick lately, and am experimenting with new ways to incorporate it into recipes. This little grain (which is actually a seed!) has a long list of nutrients, and health benefits as well as adding protein to whatever you are making. Have a pre-cooked batch all ready to go in the fridge to throw into whatever you are making. It keeps for 3-4 days in a sealed container.

I use it in place of rice with curries and stir-fry dishes, throw it in soups and stews, muffins, banana breads, and love it as a hot cereal in the morning.



Quinoa hot cereal

Quinoa Hot Cereal

Simply add cooked quinoa, chia seed, hemp seed, chopped nuts, and any non-dairy milk to a small pot. A dash of cinnamon, and nutmeg, a little vanilla, stevia or coconut palm sugar and heat. Add more milk after if you like. It is really delicious, and provides clean energy for the whole morning. 















Energy Protein Bars

Energy Bars

1/2 c.  dates (pitted and chopped)
1/2 c. pecans (or sub other nut)
1/2 c. cooked quinoa
2 Tb chia seed
2 Tb. hemp seed
1/2 c. nut butter
1 scoop protein powder
1/2 c. coconut
1/2. canned light coconut milk
1/4 c. agave nectar (or honey)
(optional) 1 scoop if good quality vegan protein powder mixed in with with the food processor ingredients.

Melted dark chocolate for top.

Combine dates, nuts, quinoa, chia and hemp seed and protein powder in food processor, and pulse until meal forms. Transfer to a med, bowl, and add coconut to this mixture

In small bowl combine nut butter, coconut milk, and agave nectar and whisk together.

Combine wet ingredients with meal and mix until dough forms.

Bake @ 350 F in a parchment paper lined baking pan, for 30-35 minutes.

Allow to cool completely and spread melted chocolate over the top, and place in fridge until it sets. Cut into bars and store in airtight container.


Both of these recipes are really delicious and nutritious. Enjoy!


~Leanne
Holistic Counsellor
www.soulworkcounselling.com































































Tips for a healthy & happy motherhood

As I was laying in bed at 5:30 this morning, as it often happens, I am inspired by a new idea, or writing topic. This morning it was about how I tend to over- focus on the happiness and well being of my children, and I forget how to make myself happy. We see so many books and articles about how to raise happy and healthy kids, but what about the importance of being happy and healthy mothers? How much of our childs happiness and well being is related to how happy and balanced we are as moms? After all, our children learn what they see, and we set the example that they will eventually follow. So why not start early to set the example of how to care for our own health, and take responsibility for our own happiness?

Being a mom of 3, with 2 younger ones as well as a teenager, I know full well how difficult it can be to find my Zen, my grounded place where I can find my center of calm and happiness. No matter how chaotic it  may feel, I have learned over the years how I can maintain my balance so that I can be more effective in all areas of my life. Here is some of the big lessons I have learned in the past 16 years about having a healthy, happy motherhood. I hope that some of these ideas inspire you!

1) Put yourself first. I know this may sounds counter intuitive, after all we are responsible for these little souls we are nurturing, feeding and caring for, however our children can only be as happy and balanced as we are. If we are last on the list of priorities, how well can we do our jobs effectively if we are stressed beyond our limits, and unhealthy because we fail to care for ourselves?

2) Pursue your own interests and passions. Whatever they are, just make the time for YOU! Even if it's for a short period of time, make time every day to do something you love.


3) Have a healthy social life. Keep in touch with friends, no matter how busy things are. Do make sure this time is with people who lift you up, and support you, not those who are negative and tend to make you feel worse after time spent with them.

4) Care for your body, mind, and soul. Read, move your body, eat wholesome food, make time for quiet and solitude, make a commitment to sit in silence every day for at least 10 minutes, just focusing on your breath, and how you are feeling, write in a journal, take hot Epsom salt and lavender baths in the evening, watch a hilarious movie, whatever it is that fills you up. Make a list of some of the things that bring you the most pleasure, and do 2 things every single day from the list. No excuses!

5) Don't take every single problem of difficulty your child is going through personally. Not every behavior, learning challenge, choice or health issue is because of something you did, or failed to do as a parent. Never tell yourself you are a failure, but look for the lesson, and learn and do better when you have more information, knowledge and experience. We are all just winging it as we go along.

6) Your best is always good enough. Your best will change from day to day, depending on what is going on. Illness, family crisis, personal issues, financial and marital challenges, or whatever you may find yourself working through that is making it difficult to function optimally, are all going to affect how you parent. Don't strive for perfect parenting, cut yourself a break, and strive for 'good enough' parenting. Again, make your self-care and balance a priority, this is not the time to let YOU time slide, it is time to crank it up a few more notches!

7) Get support. If you are struggling to find balance and feel anxious, overwhelmed or depressed often, seek the help of a counsellor or other alternative healer to work through your emotions, as soon as you notice you are not coping effectively with your responsibilities. Keeping it all bottled up inside is toxic to us, as well as our children if we are chronically unhappy. It is important that we are committed to our own learning,  healing, and personal growth to be healthy and happy parents.

8) Forgive yourself. We all screw up from time to time, say things we wish later that we hadn't, yell a little louder than we meant to, lose our patience one more time, or make a decision we may later regret. We can't do anything about these times once they have happened, other than apologize when appropriate for being imperfectly human, and resolve to handle things better next time. No sense beating yourself up. Forgive yourself, and move on.

9) Enjoy the ride. Before you know it they will be 16 and counting down the days until they can move out. When our children are really little the days can feel really long, but the years feel much shorter as time passes. Motherhood is the most beautiful gift, through all of the ups and downs, in sickness and in health, it is truly a gift we have been given that we must never take for granted. We can resolve to make the most of our time together with our children, and look for all of the blessings we have been given, to have these little people in our lives. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

10) Embrace the messiness.  Accept that parenthood can be messy at times. Whenever I am experiencing a challenge with one of my children, I remind myself of how grateful I am that they are here and alive on this planet with me to make a mess of the house, sass me, scream at me, not listen to me, or just make things really inconvenient at times. One day, the Barbies and dress up clothes will all be put away for good, and the house will be quiet, and I will miss these days. So, I choose to embrace all of it, with my full attention, because I know this too shall pass.

Leanne Oaten

Holistic Counsellor, Wellness Coach
www.soulworkcounselling.com
250-319-3630

Stop feeding your feelings~ The #1 reason you eat when you're not hungry

Do you reach for food after an argument with your spouse? When feeling over worked and overwhelmed? When you are juggling too many responsibilities and feel like a failure? When feeling inadequate? When you are angry? Perhaps there are too many words left unspoken, and you swallow what you truly want to say, and are not speaking your truth? Are you stuffing your words with food? Are you feeling powerless in some area of your life, and not maintaining a healthy balance or caring for yourself on a daily basis with exercise, healthy food, relaxation, pleasure and having meaningful connection with others?

Since my teen years, I have struggled with disordered eating, and unhealthy eating patterns. There was a time when I held a lot of shame around this area of my life, and would never have imagined myself sharing, and writing about it as openly as I am able to today. Although I still have times where I find myself pulled into some of those old patterns,  I am able to redirect myself to a healthy, more balanced state. When I become aware of myself behaving in unloving ways toward my body (by stuffing my mouth full of cookies, or chocolate chips for example) I instead deal with how I am feeling in that moment, and turn to something more self-loving toward my body.

Today, I can reflect on how far I have come, the lessons I have learned, and how determined I have been to heal this area of my life. I now have the privilege and honor of doing the sacred, meaningful work in serving others with their struggles in an authentic way, because I know the pain and suffering living with this inner struggle can cause.

 I have worked with many women that have suffered a great deal around their painful relationship with food, and I have come to realize that disordered eating patterns are not uncommon at all, but because there is so much secrecy, shame and embarrassment around these behaviors, we don't want to openly disclose our 'behind closed doors' eating habits to others. Unfortunately this isolation, and secrecy only makes the problem worse, because healing these issues is near impossible to do without guidance and support from someone who is qualified to deal with this complex and delicate issue.

*Let me clarify, that while a medically diagnosed eating disorder (such as bulimia, binging/purging and severe food restriction know as anorexia) can be fatal,-and adequate professional intervention and possibly medical treatment is essential- the disordered eating I am speaking of here is emotional eating.

One common pattern with emotional/binge eating, and one that makes this behavior so unhealthy, is that person in the throws of whatever emotion they find themselves in, uses food as their 'drug', as a way to cope with or numb their uncomfortable feelings. After an episode of overeating to the point of feeling sick, some might vow to restrict their food intake for the rest of the day, or into the next day, or even longer, to counteract the guilt and shame they feel for their perceived lack of self- control. This is the pattern I found myself in for many years, and because I was a 'health junkie' I tricked myself into thinking I was doing really well. But the truth that I wasn't willing to see, was that unconsciously inhaling 10 organic, homemade spelt flour cookies, or almost an entire organic dark chocolate bar is not healthy behavior, and no amount of organic veggies or green smoothies will erase the damage this behavior was doing to my body and soul.

The bottom line is that food is certainly meant to be pleasurable  and enjoyed, however, it's main purpose is to sustain our energy and provide nourishment in order to keep us alive. If you often find yourself eating outside of meal times, aside from reasonable snacking, or eating way past the point of being full- you are very likely feeding your feelings.

So why do we eat when we aren't actually hungry?

There are many other reasons for emotional eating, but the most common reason...

 We feed our uncomfortable feelings to numb out. Anyone who has overdone it on the sugar, knows about that little high that comes shortly after that first few bites of chocolate cake, or after downing a few chocolate chip cookies..(or whatever it is that does it for you.) A tip off that you are stress eating, or feeding your emotions is that you are doing it almost unconsciously. It is mindless eating, and one is usually not even aware of what they are doing-at the time- until afterwards when the cookie jar is empty.

When you find yourself reaching for food between meal/snack times, check in to see if you are truly hungry first. if you are not actually hungry, ask yourself: "What am I feeling right now?", and "What am I truly hungry for?" becoming aware of the habitual reaching for food is the first step to changing it! Are you bored, sad, lonely, depressed, anxious, worried, stressed out, and feeling out of balance?
Maybe you need a nap? To have a difficult conversation with someone that you are avoiding? A walk or run or do some yoga? A talk with someone you trust? A hug? Maybe just a cup of tea and a magazine? The idea is to fill yourself up with other activities instead of food.

In order to truly heal this imbalance, and the dis~ease within, we must look at the root cause. The root cause of any addictive and self-harming behavior is lack of self~love! When you love yourself, and honor your body for the miracle that it is, these unhealthy behaviors fall away organically.

If you are trying to lose weight, and have been for a very long time, check to see if emotional eating may be playing a part in your struggles. Weight loss plans, and fad 'diets' will do very little to help with sustainable weight loss, unless the approach is in treating the root cause, and healing it from a holistic approach, caring for our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual selves.


If you are struggling with loving yourself,  and want to stop feeding your feelings, I can help you on your journey toward a more self~loving, self~honoring place. You can visit my  my website to get my free Women's Guide to Vibrant Health.
You can also join my private Facebook women's health community by requesting to be added right here ===> Women's Holistic Health Communitys

E: info@leanneoaten.com

In health and balance,

Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor

IN~Power hour: 21 days to a happier, healthier more grounded YOU.

"Whole Being" Self-Care is essential for vibrant health, emotional healing, life balance, stress management and experiencing deeper fulfillment, happiness and joy.

I believe, and know to be true from my own personal experience, that the key to being well, and in a balanced, calm, grounded, healthy and happy state is taking care of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual self on a daily basis. It is an art, and requires constant awareness and attention to meeting my own needs, and caring for myself with love and respect for my body.


It is not one thing that we do on occasion that leads to improved health, and greater happiness, but an accumulation of smaller, consistent actions we take from moment to moment, day to day.

 I receive immense fulfillment from my self-care and spiritual rituals, and have witnessed how powerful this is for many people I know, and clients I work with. I have watched women bloom like a lotus flower once they begin making the transformation from living feeling like their external world has the control over their feelings and experiences, to going to a quieter, more self-honoring, self-loving place, through learning to honor and tend to their own nurturing and self-care. I now have the privilege of being the guide to others seeking what I have been seeking my whole life- a deep connection to my inner self , a soul connection. A connection to something bigger than myself or what I can actually see with my eyes. Something that can not be explained but only experienced. A level of healing and peace that is the result of going within, on a daily basis, and putting myself first. A thirst for a greater experience and a deepening of my inner life, and consciousness.

The following self-care challenge is inspired by and adapted from author Jack Canfield, with a few added twists. :)

The intention of this challenge is to help you get into the daily habit of caring for yourself, on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level. Committing this time to yourself may bring up feelings of guilt or discomfort, this is normal if you are not used to giving to yourself in this way. I suggest that you continue this challenge for the full 21 days, so that it becomes habitual, and you can begin to see the positive effects of being consistent, and showing up for yourself every single day in this self-loving way. Play around with the time of day, and the sequence in which you do these practices.

For 21 days, choose 2 of the suggested practices below (40 minutes total time). Even better, is completing the full hour if time allows. Commit to doing a minimum of 2 practices daily, and get ready for some radical changes!

The IN~POWER hour:

You will need:
60 minutes
A timer/clock
A quiet space for your reading/ reflection portions
A journal or notepad
Positive, inspiring reading material (books, magazines)
A fireplace, stainless steel bowl or tin foil*

Mental & Emotional ~ Read or write  (20 minutes)
Option 1:

Depending on how you are feeling, you may feel like clearing any negative thoughts, or emotions rather than just reading. If so, you can spend spend this time doing a mind dump on paper for (set a timer for 10 minutes). During this time, just purge everything that is weighing on your mind, with the intention of releasing whatever negativity is within you onto the paper. Do not over-think it, or get hung up on feeling like you can't think of anything to write. Let go of self-

judgement and do not worry about grammar. Now..please keep an open mind about what I am bout to suggest. For best results- burn it (or shred it if burning safely is not an option) right after you are done. The most important thing is that you dispose of what you wrote, as it holds the emotional energy you are intending to clear. This exercise, of writing and burning is a powerful practice. I have personally had amazing results, and every person I have prescribed this to as homework in my personal life, and coaching and counseling practice. Many say they feel like a huge weight is lifted each time they do it. It is a way of clearing the negative, toxic emotional clutter so we make room for experiencing more positive emotions. It is a practice you can return to again, and again depending on what is happening in your life.
After you are complete, you can spend the rest of the 20 minutes reading something, or just sit with whatever emotions have come up from the exercise.

Option 2: spend the entire 20 minutes reading something that inspires you and feeds your mind with uplifting ideas and makes you feel awesome. 



 Physical ~ Movement: (20 minutes)

Spend 20 minutes exercising. As long as you are moving, it all counts! Go for a power walk, do some running intervals, go for a mindful walk, do yoga, dance, walk on a treadmill or other indoor cardio machine, lift weights. In the colder months I like to work out in my home exercise room, and move outdoors as the weather gets warmer. But do whatever you want! This portion is best done at the end to help clear anything that came up for you during your writing or meditation, but play around with the order and see what feels best for you.

Spiritual~ Prayer/Meditation  (20 minutes)

Spend this time beginning with a prayer to whatever feels right for you (The Divine, Universal Intelligence, Spirit, God) Light a candle, some incense if you wish, play some music that feels relaxing and peaceful to you, or just sit in silence. There is absolutely no wrong way to do this, so find your own way to get connected.

If Prayer is for asking,

Meditation is for listening.

Once you have concluded your prayer, begin your meditation for the remainder of your 20 minutes. Get comfortable, sitting up or lying down and just connect you your breath, and whatever is going on within. This is a time to just be with what is. Notice what comes up. You may be surprised by tears, or a feeling of sadness, perhaps anger or agitation. You may feel like  you are jumping out of your skin having to sit until the timer goes off..that is OK! Just sit with it, notice it. This is what meditation is. It is not complicated, but it is life changing when we make it a habit to spend some time with our inner selves every day.


And that's it! Carry on with this for 21 days straight, and this will likely become your favorite time of the day. This is the perfect way to carve out a quality 60 minutes, just for yourself, and if you are consistent and it becomes a daily habit that you carry with you after the 21 days, your life will change in amazing ways to be sure.

* If you do not have anything to burn your writing in, you can create a ' burning bowl' using tin foil. Make sure it only has a small opening so that embers and sparks can't escape! Safety first, if you can not safely burn your pages, use another method to dispose of your work.

~Leanne


Leanne Oaten
Registered Holistic Counsellor| R.P.C
 Visit my website and download your free eBook today!

My suggsted reading list for creating an awesome life

Just a few of the books I own ;)

I love books, and always have..however; novels are not my thing. I will admit, I got sucked into the 50 Shades series (because a friend insisted I take a break from all of my psychology studying when I was in school), and I gave in, to appease her. While I did end up enjoying the read  (and the diversion), I get the most satisfaction out of reading books that inspire me, teach me new ways of seeing the world, and offer new ideas when I am feeling stuck in certain areas of my life. So, if you are strictly a novel reader (and hate self-help/personal growth books) this list may not be for you.

 Because I am often asked what books I recommend on various topics related to health/wellness and personal growth, and recently had a follower request my favorites, I have decided to create a running list of my favorites, which I will add to as I discover new ones.


Health/Wellness/Weight Loss:

"Full-Filled" and the Renee Method was a life changer for me. I use some of her methods in my emotional eating workshops, and with clients experiencing issues around food/weight loss.
Her website: http://www.reneemethod.com/fulfilled/about-renee/

"Ultra Metabolism" by Dr. Mark Hyman (or any of his books) they are invaluable to have as a go-to health resource, and are full of so much info about cleaning up your diet and getting healthy from the inside out. I love his holistic approach because it is about life style changes, not quick-fix fad diets. Again, another life changing book!

"Adrenal Fatigue-The 21st Century Stress Syndrome" by Dr. J Wilson
A must read if you are always tired, sick and stressed out, or already know you have adrenal burnout.

"Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" by Christiane Northrup M.D
Every single woman should have a copy of this and refer to it as a often as possible. It is in my opinion, a women's holistic health bible and it is truly amazing. I encourage all women to research and seek out anything she has written, as her work is ongoing.

"Green Housekeeping" A bible on detoxifying your home and life.

"Natural Baby & Childcare" Full of remedies and advice on raising children the natural way. I still refer to this book as my children grow. When they are sick, I use the homeopathic guide included here.

Personal development/Self-love & Healing

Anything written by Louise Hay & Cheryl Richardson. They are amazing, and their books will stir your soul! If I could choose just one from each author it would be: "The Art of Extreme Self-Care" by Cheryl, and "You can Heal Your Life" by Louise.

"The Power of Intention" by Wayne Dyer
An intense, heavier read, but invaluable reference for getting serious about manifesting your desires through your power of intention.

"Living with Joy" by Sanaya Roman
This is a beautifully written book and lives up to it's title. Lots of good stuff about living with more joy!

"The Gifts of Imperfection" & "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. (Reading these right now, it will change the way you look at yourself, and those around you!)

Parenting

"Parenting from the Inside Out" by Siegel Hartzell
A beautiful book for parents of children from conception- teen years, it is timeless advice, but not for the faint at heart. This book requires you to go deep within!

Spiritual Growth (Soul-work)
*Many of the books I have suggested have spiritual components but here are some of my favorite authors of spirit-growth.

"Spirit Junkie" by Gabrielle Bernstein
"Broken Open" by Elizabeth Lesser

Anything by Marianne Williamson


Mind/Body Healing

*These books cover our emotions and how they are often connected to our physical condition and symptoms. There are too many books on this to count, but these are my 3 go-to books that I am always referring to.

"You can Heal you Life" by Louise Hay
"Your Body Speaks you Mind" by Deb Shapiro
" Mind Over Medicine" by Lissa Rankin

 I will continue to add more as they come to me. Now head to the book store, or library and find the one that is calling for you to read first!

Happy reading :)

~Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com

Tips for a healthy and happy Halloween (but you can use all year round)

As a parent, I have always done my best to feed my kids a whole foods, natural organic diet. From the moment they began eating solid foods, I was in the kitchen pureeing organic fruits and veggies because I wanted to give them the best start that I possibly could. It was so important to me, that I made it my mission to seek out the healthiest options available, and continue to expand on my knowledge and tools as I know more.

Growing up, my Dad was really stingy with allowing us to have sugar. We never had junk food in our house, and the only time we would have pop would be if we were at someone elses house, and back then, you can believe I thought he was really lame!
 I do also see now that he was a little overboard, but as an adult with children of my own,  I am so very grateful that my Dad instilled this in me at such a young age. To this day, I am not a candy person, and I will never drink pop or sugary drinks because I have no desire to put that in my body.

So now, I carry on the legacy with my children, and I choose to limit these things from their diet as much as possible, while still allowing for some flexibility. My desire to teach them and guide them in this way, now comes from pure love, where in the past it came more from a fear place. 

As parents it is our duty, our responsibility, to teach our children about healthy eating, and why it is so important. Part of this teaching, actually most of it, comes from the example we set for them. We need to teach them to love themselves enough to put healthy foods into their bodies. Teach them this life- lesson early! It's not about restriction, it's about self-love. It is never too early to begin teaching these concepts to our children.

Childhood obesity is rampant in our society, (as are eating disorders) and this is just so very sad to me because something can be done to prevent this. It begins by teaching our children about self-love.

This is a subject I am very passionate about, and is what drives me to always do my very best to teach my children by teaching them about healthy eating, as well as modeling this in the way that I choose to take care of my body. "When we love ourselves, we take good care of our bodies" is the message.

I read somewhere that child absentees in schools skyrockets right after Halloween. I have seen this happen every year in our schools, and if my kids have overindulged in sugar on Halloween or other special occasions, they often succumb to some virus that going around. While children do get sick and we can't always avoid this, we can reduce the number of illnesses, or at least the severity and duration of the virus simply by reducing sugar and sugar loaded processes foods (a.k.a. dead foods) in our children's diets. Keep this in mind: Sugar depresses immune function. Our immune system is compromised for 3-4 hours after consuming sugar, so we want to reduce the amount of times in a day we depress our immune system, if we want to stay healthy!

Here are my tips for keeping kids healthier during candy season- and all year round:

1) For trick-or-treating, make the evening special in other ways. Buy some dollar store items and give them goodie bags with trinkets, glow sticks, stickers etc. Make the evening about more than just candy. Then go out for a pre-decided amount of time, and stop when the time is up. I give my kids a very small treat bag for collecting- not a pillowcase I have seen some kids fill up! I don't want candy hanging around until the New Year!

2) Before heading out, make sure the kids get a nutritious, protein packed, whole food meal. This will help prevent the blood sugar spike that comes from eating sugar. And they will be so full from dinner, they won't have much room for candy...hopefully anyways ;)

3) A tip my naturopath gave me, which seems so simple, I can't believe I didn't think of it, is to set the limit with the kids, that they can have one sugar per day. This takes away the "if I can't have it I want it even more" mentality, but doesn't overload the child's system too much at one time.

4)  Protein before sugar. As above, it slows down the affect of the sugar in their system. If my kids are going to eat sugar, I make them eat protein first..this also reduces the sugar crash that often comes 1-2 hours later as the blood sugar plummets. I am sure we have all experienced a cranky child after they come down from a sugar high! Not fun.

5) Be flexible, but firm. Being too rigid just makes kids want what we say they can't have even more. So, allow them to be kids and have treats, but also set the limit, and step in when they have had enough.

The truth is, we must teach our children the difference between having a treat, and overindulgence, so that when they are adults, they can better discern what foods make them feel good, and which ones make them feel gross. They must learn for themselves, "when I eat too much junk I feel sick" so they can make decisions when they are not with us, about what to put in their bodies, and how much.

I still remember so clearly, my youngest was at a Ruckers Birthday party last year, I picked her up and could tell immediately she was not feeling well. She almost looked green.  As we went out to the car she was saying how she "felt like to puke" and that her tummy was hurting, she fussed and cried the whole way home. She had a slushy pop drink, cake, pizza and candy all within the short time she was there. No wonder she felt sick. Both of my girls have had this experience, and I trust they now have the tools to discern for themselves when they are not with me, weather or not to eat cake or not have pop, because they don't want to feel sick.

As adults we are still learning this one, so it is a constant learning and discerning. "How will I feel if I eat that?" This is a good question to teach our children to learn to ask themselves, and some invaluable life lessons that will serve them their whole lifetime.

Have a fun, safe, healthy and happy Halloween!

~Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com

The little lies we tell ourselves, and fear of authenticity

"Out of 100 lies we speak only 10 lies we speak outside, the other 90 we are speaking to ourselves, about ourselves. ..the wise words of Madhuji Sri, one of my spiritual mentors, as he taught this lesson recently to our Healing Beings team, about living in truth. I found this statement so profound, it has stuck with me ever since I heard those words. I have been contemplating what this means in my life, and have been really reflecting on how I am doing so far, in my desire to live a life of truth, with myself, and the world.

Give this some thought...how honest are you being with YOU about your life, and what you want? How happy you really are with your life? The state of your marriage? The state of your health? How many times a day do you tell yourself little and big lies, to avoid having to deal with the truth because the truth seems so impossible, to difficult to live by? Or, perhaps because there is underlying shame or guilt that is way too uncomfortable to feel when we acknowledge our truth, so we lie to avoid it.

If you were to really, truly look at the truth, and be honest with yourself, what would that mean for you or others in your life if you started getting ruthlessly real? What would need to change?

We could continue for the duration of our lives, lying to ourselves, and nobody would likely ever know. Nobody that is, accept ourselves. We know, our soul knows, our body knows. The lies we tell ourselves, have an affect on our mental, physical, and emotional health, and well-being, because we are always at war within. We are suppressing, and distracting, and avoiding the truth about how we really feel, which puts the body in a constant state of stress. We are terrified of showing the world our true nature, our true selves.

 

Lies we tell ourselves, and others......

 

"My marriage/family is wonderful", "every thing's great!" "I am not good enough", " I love being a  stay-at-home mom!", "being a parent is so easy!", "I can't do it", "I am stupid", "I don't deserve that", "I am a failure", "I am happy", "my life is amazing", "everything is perfect", "I love my job", "work is great", "I have nothing to be unhappy about", these are some of the lies we tell ourselves, and others. Why do we do this? We do this because to actually look at the state of our crumbling marriage, dysfunctional family, the job that is sucking our soul, the fact that we are depressed and not functioning well, are overweight or our physical health is failing, or are not as happy being a parent as we thought we would be, are all very painful, and uncomfortable parts of ourselves to get real about, never mind admit to somebody else!

I remember a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago when our children were really little,  about being a stay-at-home mom. We were (sort of but not really) joking around about counting down the minutes until we could have a glass (or two) of wine at the end of each day just to unwind our frazzled nerves . We talked about how painfully difficult some of those long days were, feeling trapped in the house with a colicky baby or sick and tired children, all while being extremely sleep deprived and burned out, were some of the most difficult days we had ever had. We wondered what was wrong with us, and how some parents just seem to have it all figured out, have it all together, with perfectly dressed kids, a perfectly clean house, all while working a full time job, among many other things, all done with a smile on their face, seemingly as if having children didn't affect how they lived their lives at all.

I feel safe in saying that many parents feel too afraid to have this kind of conversation with others, about the realities of parenting. We don't want to come across like we don't love our children with our whole hearts, or to be perceived as a 'bad parent'. So, instead we exhaust ourselves trying to keep up appearances that all is perfectly wonderful, when in reality, we are just barely keeping it all together. I know this, because I was one of those Moms, and I felt like such a failure for so many years, because I could barely keep up with my responsibilities. But now that I can get real about what parenting young kids was (and sometimes still is) like for me, others open up to me, and hopefully feel assured that they are not alone, and are not bad Moms for feeling this way.

As parents, we must have a deep appreciation and gratitude for every single day we have with our children. They truly are a gift and a blessing, and we wouldn't trade having them for anything in the world.  But the truth is, being real about how difficult it can be, or how some days we wish we could run away for awhile, and be all alone somewhere really, really quiet, and just have a break from the world and our responsibilities, does not make us a bad parent- it makes us human!

So, I invite you to ask yourself what needs to change in your life. What do you need to get real with yourself and others about? What masks and cover-ups do you wear around certain people, but not others? Do you change these 'masks' to fit the image you are trying so hard to portray to certain people? And if so, what fear is behind those masks? What are you terrified that others will know about you?

Part of healing, growing and evolving, is getting real.

Getting real with self, and with others, and speaking the truth about ourselves, to ourselves.

It is so sad to really consider, that most of us, if not the entire human race, has some form of self-rejection going on in their lives, or at least has had some past experience with it.

Rejection of self, is basically self- hatred, and self- loathing. It is feeling that something within us is so damaged, flawed, wrong, broken and bad, that we feel we have to lie, fake, and cover up who we truly are, and how we truly feel, because we are terrified that if others knew the truth, they would run for the hills.

The truth is though, we are our own worst critic. We judge the shit out of ourselves, and continually abuse ourselves with our brutal self talk, and distorted self-perceptions.

What is the point of living, if not living in truth, and authenticity? If we are not living authentically, are we truly living? Why do we sell ourselves out? Sell ourselves short? Think so little of who we are, that we feel we have to cover up our true nature?

 Why not get real, and start saying what we want to say, doing more of what we truly want to do, and get really brutally honest with ourselves, and start living a life of truth?

Here's an exercise to get you started: Get quiet, without interruption, and sit with the question "in what ways, and with whom am I being dishonest?" "what masks do I wear, and with whom?", "in what ways am I not being real, and authentic with myself, and the world?"... and just sit and listen for the answers. If you sit and are quiet for long enough, answers will come to you.

 Awareness is the first step to any growth or change, after that, comes the acceptance and forgiveness (of self) and release of self-judgment, and shame. Just accept and forgive yourself for these lies. You are not a bad person. Now that you know better, you can do better. Love yourself, have compassion for yourself, and for why you felt the need to be dishonest with yourself (or others.)

The next step would be to ACT. Take action to right these lies. If there is an action to take, what might that be?  Whatever you feel is right to do, act on that intuition.

Living a life of truth is so much easier, and so much more fulfilling and beautiful, then trying to make up who you actually are. Being truthful allows life to flow more with ease. So start becoming more aware of those little lies you whisper to yourself, and the un-truths you tell others, and shine light on your truth, and authentic self.

~Leanne
www.soulworkcounselling.com